Monthly Archives: January 2009

>Oh Oh Ohio

>
I just met someone from Ohio.
She just met her first homosexual.
In our discussions, she said she’d never known any gay people; I told her that, of course, she did, she probably just didn’t know it.
She was very interested when she met Carlos; How does the relationship work, she wanted to know.
Just like you and your husband. I was waiting for the inevitable, Who’s the woman? question. But it didn’t come. We just talked, her about her husband, me about mine. And she began to realize we aren’t all that different.
So, imagine my surprise, and hers, when I told her, that I read about the Reverend John Tamilio–that’s him up there–the senior minister at Pilgrim Congregational United Church of Christ.
He and his congregation have decided that Tamilio will no longer sign Ohio marriage licenses until the state recognizes gay marriage.
That’s right. His congregation, and those at six other Ohio churches, decided that their reverends pastors, those guys in the robes, would protest the state’s inequality in marriage. That means that heterosexual couples will need to have an additional civil service in order to have their marriages recognized.

Way to go Ohio….and Reverend Tamilio!

Check it out at: Cleveland.com

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9 Comments

Filed under Bob, Carlos, LGBT Rights

>Highlarity Ensues

>saw this at Towleroad


Who knew the Iraqis were so funny?

Instead of building a shrine to W, who likens himself to a liberator of some sort, the people of Iraq have erected another shrine to W in Tikrit.

That’s right. A shoe. With a shrub in it. A plastic shrub.

Dear baby Jeebus, I do loves me some symbolism.

You cannot make this stuff up, I tell you.

The ShoeBush is to honor Muntazer al-Zaidi, the journalist who hurled the Hushpuppy at W. The inscription on his monument reads: “Muntazer: fasting until the sword breaks its fast with blood; silent until our mouths speak the truth.”

4 Comments

Filed under Funny, George W Bush

>Seriously, People, STFU

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Blago….Blagojevich….Rod….Roddy….Whatever.
So he was impeached, kicked out by a fully unanimous Senate vote on his lying cheating corrupt behind. But, hey, he showed up, you know; to resign with dignity? Silly people, of course not. That’s not what we do these days. We don’t say, Oops, my bad. I made a mistake. I did something wrong. I’ll go now.
And we don’t fight, either. If we think we’re being railroaded, accused of a crime we did not commit, we don’t stand up in front of our accusers and say, Here’s what happened. Here’s my proof. I am not a crook.
Nah, these days when you’ve done something wrong, you go on a publicity junket. You stop in to see Matt and Meredith; you talk to a TV image of Barbara Walters; you talk to Father Time, er, Larry King. Yet, still, you don’t answer questions. Straight questions.
Did you say that Governor?
I haven’t heard the full tape.
But did you say that?
And my favorite answer.
It was taken out of context.
So, Blago is gone, and he’s taken his hair with him. Illinois is thrilled. I’d be thrilled, too, down here in Smallville, if he’s just shut up and go away completely.
But I have a feeling a book is coming, or a documentary, and another round of TV tours.
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Ted Haggard and his “wife” were on Oprah this week, and I, for one, was happy she stopped talking about her large behind or how she elected Barack Obama for a day.
Ted and the missus were on to discuss his being a big flaming, lying, crack head, closeted homo…..or, I mean, a heterosexual with issues.
Issues, Ted? Really. Honey, you have whole subscriptions.
As he talked my gaydar was pinging so loudly I could scarcely hear the television. He isn’t gay, he says; he isn’t bi, he says. He has tendencies.
Tendencies to have sex with men.
Which makes you a big lying queer, Ted. Because the last time I checked, truly straight men don’t have tendencies to have sex with other men. Maybe once, in college, on a dare, after a few beers, but over and over again? Sorry, Teddy, that dog won’t hunt. And don’t blame it on your crackheadedness; lots of crackheads out there, lots of ’em men; but they ain’t doing the bend over, grab your ankles and sing an aria for me, baby.
Now, the “wife” comes out. She says she knew of his “tendencies” when she married him; she knew he’d done things in his past. Then she says my favorite line, how we all have inclinations, but we don’t all choose to act on them.
Excuse me. sister, but it isn’t a choice: you chose, dear. You chose. To be a heterosexual woman married to a queer crackhead hate-spewing ex-pastor. And you chose to deny your husband’s “inclinations” because you were living high on the homo-hog with all your minions donating to your church.
Seriously, Teddy and Gayle.
Shut the fuck up already.
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Just a few words on this one.
Rush Limbaugh is a big fat drug addled ass.
He hopes Obama fails. He said that. “I hope he fails.”
Can you imagine how much he would rant and rage if anyone said that about W, who did fail?
Rush would be so mad he’d scream, all of his chins wriggling, his drug dealers scampering to refill his prescriptions.
You’re an idiot Limbaugh.
An unpatriotic racist fat-assed drug-addicted idiot.
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And last but not least.
Exxon made 7.82 billion dollars in the last quarter of ’08.
SEVEN.POINT.EIGHT-TWO BILLION DOLLARS.
Does that sound right to anyone except Exxon?
Home Depot is closing stores and laying people off.
Starbucks is closing stores and laying people off.
Linens’n’Things is just plain closing all it’s stores.
Circuit City is bankrupt.
BestBuy is cutting jobs.
Kodak, too.
Even over at Disney/ABC they’re cutting jobs.
But Exxon is raking in billions. In this economy, with the government bailing out banks; with people losing their homes.
Smells fishy to me.

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Filed under Bob, ExxonMobil, Gayle Haggard, Idiotic, Ignorant People, Illinois, Oprah Winfrey, President Obama, Rant, Reality TV, Rod Blagojevich, Rush Limbaugh, Ted Haggard

>Ashton Kutcher….Dumbass Celebutard

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Seriously, what a moron.

So a guy is building a house next to him. So what.

People aren’t allowed to build a house near Ashton Kutcher? Is that a new zoning ordinance in LA?

And you’d think he’d be used to the hammering, sawing and welding; I mean, isn’t that what his house sounds like when Demi is having work done on her face?

2 Comments

Filed under Celebrity, Demi Moore

>Musical Theater and Inequality Protest….These Are Two Of My Favorite Things

>from Broadway.com

Star-Studded Defying Inequality Gala to Feature Prop 8: The Musical

Tony Award winner Marc Shaiman’s Prop 8: The Musical will make its debut as part of Defying Inequality: The Broadway Concert—A Celebrity Benefit for Equal Rights, a one-night only benefit set for February 23 at Wicked‘s Gershwin Theatre.

Defying Inequality will also feature special performances from Wicked composer Stephen Schwartz, Douglas Carter Beane, P.J. Benjamin, Stephanie J. Block, Tamara Braun, Kerry Butler, Lynda Carter, Gavin Creel, Harvey Fierstein, John Gallagher Jr., Jonathan Groff, Mark Indelicato, Cheyenne Jackson, Capathia Jenkins, Carson Kressley, Laughing Pizza, Adriane Lenox, Cameron Mathison, Rue McClanahan, Nicole Parker, Billy Porter, Rosie’s Broadway Kids, Seth Rudesky, Michael Urie, The Broadway Boys, Don’t Quit Your Night Job, the closing cast of Gypsy, the cast of Jersey Boys, the cast of The Lion King, the cast of The Little Mermaid, the cast of Mary Poppins, cast members from Saturday Night Live, the cast of Sesame Street, original cast members from Spring Awakening, the cast of Wicked and more.

The concert will be directed by Schele Williams and Anthony Galde, with musical direction by James Sampliner. All profits from the event will be donated to Family Equality Council, Empire State Pride Agenda, Equality California, Garden State Equality and The Vermont Freedom to Marry Task Force, five charitable organizations working to promote equality and protect civil rights for the gay and lesbian community.

Defying Inequality: The Broadway Concert, A Celebrity Benefit for Equal Rights, is produced by 4Good Productions, the same presenters of the 2005 event Broadway’s Celebrity Benefit for Hurricane Relief at the Gershwin Theatre. Featuring over 200 Broadway performers, the 2005 event raised more than $200,000 in just one night.

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Filed under Broadway, Equality, LGBT, LGBT Rights, Marriage Equality, Music, Prop H8

>Weathermen Are Dumb

>
Weathermen are stupid.

Al Roker anyone?

Our weather men here in the Smallville area are particularly dumb. One of them looks like a character from an old Flintstones cartoon, all teeth and blond hair; remember when the Flintstones had the movie stars on, but they gave them all rock-like names? I’ll call this weatherman Stoney Curtis.

See, Stoney isn’t really concerned about the weather for today; he’s more interested in telling about the weather ahead. And by ahead, well, I’ll give an example.

The week of Thanksgiving, he rushed over the forecast and went immediately into Christmas. Yes, not a day ahead, or week to ten days ahead. A full month ahead of time. He was fully confident that on Christmas day it was going to be bitterly cold, because we were due for a cold spell after this mild weather we’d been experiencing.

Stoney? You’re an idiot. You can’t predict the weather a month ahead! And saying it’s going to be cold in South Carolina in December is like saying you’re a big ol’ homo. Can’t prove it, but we all know it’s true.

Which brings me to Brooks Garner–his real name, seriously. In Flintstones-speak he’d be Brooks Granite; it works like that. Well, Brooks is telling us that “snowy weather early next week” is a possibility. He writes on his blog–dear Jeebus does everyone have a blog–of a computer model that shows a Gulf storm system mixed with low temperatures; to illustrate his point he throws ‘weatherspeak’ at us: “firmly entrenched cold air,” “snow weather scenario” and “significant … accumulations.”

Now, Brooksy, as I call him, cuz he looks like a cute little homo; a lot like the youngest brother on Eight Is Enough, the one with the bowl haircut. You remember, the one with the future drug problems? Well, in all fairness, Brooksy does go on to tell us how difficult it is to predict the weather more than a few days out–he should pass on that nugget of wisdom to Stoney Curtis.

Then he says we have a one-percent chance that this coming snow storm could produce effects similar to the Blizzard Of Seventy-Three-ThreeThree…nice echo effect, Brooksy! Back then, South Carolina was hit with a couple of feet of snow. Last week, the dusting of snow in Columbia shut down all the schools and all the businesses. I imagine that 24-inches would have the entire state picking up and moving south, or, um, south-er?

So, Brooksy says we have a 1-percent chance of a Seventy-three-peat, but we have a 30% chance of “wintry impacts.”

I’m still trying to figure out what a wintry impact is; then Brooksy goes on to say the weather patterns he’s seeing now “remind” him of the Blizzard Of Seventy-Three-ThreeThree.
The problem there? Young Master Brooks wasn’t even born yet.

Later in the day Little Brooksy’s blog was edited with a few more modifiers and qualifiers about the impending storm.

Weather men are stupid.

Full circle.

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Filed under Idiotic, South Carolina, Weather, Weathermen

>Steaming, er, Cat…..I Could Have Used The P-word To Shock You All!

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We have a sicky cat in the house today.
Our little girl Tallulah Belle has herpes. Not that kind people! She’s not that kind’a cat! She’s a bitch, not a whore! She has the cold sore herpes, only this affects her sinuses and gets her all clogged up and phlegmy.
So she has some medication she takes, and she needs to be vaporized, not in the Star Trek kind of vaporized where she turns orange and vanishes, gut the humidifier kind of vaporized.
And the weird thing is, she likes it. She gets into a carrier and sits right by the door and inhales all the steam; she gets about twenty minutes a pop, three or four times a day, and she’s good to go. For all her bitchiness, she’s a good patient.

As for that cat down there; he’s Tuxedo, and I’m posting his picture to annoy Carlos. See, Tuxedo is the most beautiful cat ever; the smartest cat ever; the greatest cat ever. Oh yeah, he’s kind’a my cat. I picked him out, and I helped him adapt to our house and our pets, and he is a lovely boy.
The fun thing about Tuxedo is that I’ll be watching TV or reading and it’ll get to be time for bed. I’ll stand up and call him, Tucky, bed time! and he tears down the hallway and jumps on the bed.
He’s delicious.

8 Comments

Filed under Bob, Carlos, Cats, Home Warranty, MaxGoldberg, Pets, Tallulah Belle, Tuxedo