Daily Archives: February 1, 2010

>Somethin’ Stinks In Here

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One of the Whores from MTV’s Jersey Shores…Oh, wait, wouldn’t that be all of them? Yes. it would. And I kid like that. But I’m gonna single out The One who calls himself The Situation.

See, he’s planning on releasing his own scent; kinda like a cat does, I imagine. And then you have to call Stanley Steamers to come out and clean off the sofa. But, seriously folks, he’s going to have his own cologne.

I believe it’ll be a mix of raw sewage, New Jersey shoreline, sunscreen with an SPF of -12, backroom at The Bar, and a hint of desperation mixed in with a third grade education.

From what I hear, though, it only lasts Fifteen Minutes.
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Filed under Funny, Reality TV

>A Grammy Stream Of Consciousness

>I went all gaga as the show opened….As a former naysayer to all things GaGa, I have come around….I still don’t “get” the weird outfits, but, dayum, girl can sang….And put on a show….And give us a GaGa-fied Elton John….I think This is gonna be good but then….Stephen Colbert? Yes….When I think Grammy’s….When I think music….I think comedic hack….No…I don’t….Five minutes in and the cringing begins…..SONG OF THE YEAR….to Beyoncé for Single Ladies.…Love the song, though Beyoncé is dangerously overexposed….More on that later….Suddenly we have JLo….Is she gonna sing?…Thank goddess, No….She’s just an intro-girl….For Green Day and the B’way cast of American Idiot….Note to Green Day: don’t sing with B’way singers because, well, you just can’t….Mr. Fergie and some girl come out to whore some movie and ask me to vote on which Bon Jovi song I wanna hear them sing live….But I cast my vote to have Jon Bon Jovi sing nekkid because that’s how I roll….I’m not sure my vote counted….BEST COUNTRY ALBUM….Taylor Swift….Seriously?….Now, I am no country music, whaddyacallit, afficionado, but isn’t Taylor Swift a little less country and a little more inane bubblegum pop….She’s like a not slutty Mylie Cyrus….And I am so over her “Who? Me? I won?” brand of insincere hokum….I so wanted Kanye to come out onstage and beat her over the head with that tiny golden victrola statue….But alas, no Kanye, no drama….HOT FLASH…Simon Baker….HOT FLASH…..He intro’s Beyoncé….Who Tyra’s down the aisle with her army of minions….It’s nice to see she brings her own wind machine….Now, I don’t dislike Beyoncé, but, sheesh, girl, bring out a cast of thousands, throw in some fake audience participation, toss in the kitchen sink….Way to keep it simple….Next time, B, just sing….And, you at home?….The next time you kvetch and kmoan about how long these shows are, blame people like Beyoncé, who give twenty minute versions of two-minute songs….I did love her ending though, with the patented Miss Diana Ross Wing Span!…..Dee.Vah……HOT FLASH…Seal…HOT FLASH….offers up Pink….The anti-Beyoncé….It’s just Pink….Just singing….Just looking fabulous….Then she strips down into a strappy little glitter number and goes all Pink du Soleil….Spinning overhead….Singing while spinning overhead….All wrapped up in a giant sling….No, not that kind….And then Pink gets herself baptized onstage….She’s spinniung again….She’s raining on the crowd….She is a hurricane…She is fan-freakin-tastic…So, yeah, um, take note Beyoncé…That’s entertainment…Leave the wind machine and the platoons at home next time and just sing….HOT FLASH…Keith Urban…HOT FLASH….BEST NEW ARTIST….Zac Brown Band….Okay, a little country, a little grunge….Okay…I’m gettin’ it….Mylie Cyrus….Trying hard not to look like a teen prostitute….Then she opens her mouth and intro’s the Black Eyed Peas….To sing the most overheard, overrated, overplayed, overannoying song of the decade…And we’re just….One.Month.In….Seriously, I don’t get the appeal….And what’s with the guys in tin foil and cardboard….I was wearing that for Halloween when I was six and wanted to be a robot….I gotta feeling that this song won’t soon go away….The Jonas brothers…The cute one…The dorky cute one…The not-dorky-not-cute one….Who, when he said “s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-stunning” I said “Ping!”….They intro Lady Antebellum and I said “Twang!”….Some TV comedy girl and….HOT FLASH…Juanes…HOT FLASH….I met him once in Miami….He’s quite nice….he’s so, mmmmm, Latin….and, of course, he’s very hot….Juanes is a Triple threat….COMEDY ALBUM…My girl Kathy is up, but Nooooooooo….The Grammy goes all Stephen Colbert….I was hoping Kathy would beat him to the stage and tell him to suck it!….Norah Jones and Ringo Starr….The Young and the Talentless….I mean, c’mon, what has Ringo really done since The Beatles broke up….Crickets….Crickets….RECORD OF THE YEAR….all of the nominees are divas….Except for someone, or someones, called Kings Of Leon….And.They.Win…..Howard? Help a gay out here….Who are they?….All I got was bad hair and ill-fitting suits and a drunk joke….HOT FLASH…Robert Downey Jr…HOT FLASH….Am I glad to see him….He intro’s opera….Which turns into Jamie Foxx….Who I think is the most hysterical man EVER….When.He.”Sings”….Thanks goddess for DVR….Fast.Forward….Kesha….glittering like a two-dollar whore….and a little boy named Justin Bieber who made a very lame Beyoncé joke….Awkward….Katy Perry and Alice Cooper….Mis.Match….BEST ROCK ALBUM….Green Day….Okay….Yeah….Whatever….HOT FLASH…Chris O’Donnell…HOT FLASH….When did he get all sexified?….I may have to start watching his show….NCIS-CSI-SVU-L-M-N-O-P….He brings out the Zac Brown Band with Leon Russell…America the Beautiful….Beautiful….Then, off they go into a brand of Leon-Honky-Tonk….Ryan Seacrest….Intro’s Taylor Swift….The boring announces the boring to the bored….The best thing about Swift’s off-key singing was when she brought out Stevie Nicks to sing Rhiannon….The worst thing….Taylor Swift singing with Stevie Nicks….Aw, shucks, I’m.Over.Her….Lionel Richie….No….The inevitable Michael Jackson tribute as though he is, or was, the Most.Relevant.Musician EVER….And they bring out Celine Dion….I so hoped her heart wouldn’t go on….Usher…Who gave the Best performance By An Actor At A Funeral at Jackson’s memorial….Smokey Robinson….Who looked like he was thinking, Why is Carrie Underwood up here?….Or maybe that was just me….And, my girl, JHud….She blew all of them off the stage….In the audience Beyoncé was rockin’ in 3D and Rihanna was sleepin’ in 3D….Meanwhile, back onstage, they trot out two white children who say they are Michael’s children….Wearing MJ-style armbands….Scary….Eerie….Sad….Sheryl Crow announces Bon Jovi….HOT FLASH…for Jon Bon Jovi only…HOT FLASH….I’ve had a thing going on, ahem, down there, for JBJ since his big hair and leather pants days….Placido Domingo and Mos Def in what is billed as the most Odd Coupling of the night….Neither man really speaks English….Placido is all Italian….Def is all hip-hop….BEST RAP COLLABRORATION….Jay Z-Rihanna-Kanye…Yawn…Mostly cuz Kanye wasn’t there to muck it up…Wyclef Jean intro’s David Foster, Andrea Bocelli and the divine Mary J Blige….Bridge Over Troubled Water…all the money raised from an iTunes download will go to Haitian Earthquake Relief…Do it!…And a sidenote to Grammy….Next time let Mary J do a solo…Brang the house down, that girl….Adam Sandler….Still unfunny after all these years…Dave Matthews Band…..Always a good show with DM….Gleek alert: Lea Michele and…PING!….Ricky Martin….Who kept asking the audience to make him feel the heat….Some sort of gay subtext, methinks….BEST FEMALE VOCAL…Beyoncé…In.Tin.Foil….Was she onstage with the Peas earlier and I missed it?…But she took over the “Show The Breastial Appendages Movement” From Mariah Carey…HOT FLASH…LL Cool J…HOT FLASH…Seriously, I’ma start watchin’ NCIS-CSI-SVU-L-M-N-O-P….His guns and O’Donnell’s baby blues are what I would call Must See TV….Maxwell and Roberta Flack, doing a little Where is The Love….Though all I could think was Where are Roberta Flack’s facial expressions?….Bo.Tox.Much….HOT FLASH…Jeff Bridges…HOT FLASH….A decades long hot flash if you get my meaning….Jeff Beck and Immelda May….How High The Moon….sublime…FUGLY FLASH…Quentin Tarantino…FUGLY FLASH…Note to QT: on a big girl such as yourself, polka dots are not slimming…and your pompous posing as some sort of rap or hip-hop star was, well, annoying, and rather funny…It’s like seeing my Dad go all Eminem…And not know who Eminem is…Go away, Tarantino…HOT FLASH…John Legend…HOT FLASH…and Carlos Santana…ALBUM OF THE YEAR…Mammy Yoakum, I mean, Taylor Swift…Pho.Ney…I get cavities just watching her…So, there you have my Grammy stream of consciousness….Take note Grammy’s…Next year, less spectacle and more Pink….More Mary J….More Dave Matthews….More Jeff Beck….More JHud…More GaGa…And, of course, lots more HOT FLASHES!

7 Comments

Filed under Bob, Rant, The Grammys

>Ebrard Stands his Ground In Mexico City

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I never realized it before, but it looks like Marcelo Ebrard is Spanish for Gavin Newsom.

Ebrard, as you may recall, is the Mayor of Mexico City who gave the okay for marriage equality there recently. And, in the face of opposition from, who else, the Catholic Church, and his conservative foes, Ebrard says he plans to defend the capital’s gay-marriage law and insists the ordinance will take effect in March despite an appeal by federal prosecutors.

Mayor Marcelo Ebrard says the federal appeal on constitutional grounds is wrong. He says nothing in Mexico’s constitution prohibits same-sex marriage or adoption by gay couples.
The city’s legal adviser, Leticia Bonifaz, said the first gay marriages will be performed in early May while the Supreme Court hears the case; the federal Attorney General’s Office filed a challenge with the Supreme Court arguing the law violates constitutional provisions on the family and the protection of children.
The law is a first for Latin America.

And so is Mayor Ebrard.

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Filed under Gavin Newsom, LGBT, LGBT Rights, Marcelo Ebrard, Marriage Equality, Mexico City, Uncategorized

>The Children Really Are The Future

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Out in Wyoming school board members in Wheatland have opted to prohibit antidiscrimination banners from flying at the local high school because an LGBT rights group is among their sponsors. 


One board member, Lee Dunham, who is still living in the first half of the last century, actually said: “If this is the way one chooses, then they can lead this particular lifestyle, but I don’t believe it needs to be publicly displayed in a school.”

Dunham? Dumbass? Again: LGBT is not a choice, and what you are saying to all of Wheatland, Wyoming, and the world, is that hating a member of the LGBT community is okay by you.

District administrators removed the banners, which are part of the Anti-Defamation League’s “No Place for Hate” campaign, after parents and school board members expressed concern over the fact that the Gay and Lesbian Fund for Colorado is listed as a sponsor.

See, they don’t want no part of anything gay, even if it’s to teach children that hate is wrong. And by taking the banners down, the parents and school board are actually teaching the opposite message. And, of course, parents of Wheatland, and the school board, is actually accusing the Gay And lesbian Fund For Colorado of using their sponsorship of a No Hate banner to promote same-sex marriage in conservative Wheatland.

Another board member, moronic double-speaker Joe Fabian, said: “I don’t believe [homosexuality] is a normal lifestyle, but I don’t have anything against them.”

Nothing against them, just keep them and their dirty No Place For Hate campaign away from your kids?

Bruce DeBoskey of the Anti-Defamation League, says schools can’t participate in the program if they don’t use the banners. 
”[We] will no longer allow the program if it’s not being honored and used in its fullest intent. The [league] is extremely concerned that this whole program has been derailed by people who appear to have biases.”

Now, of course, it isn’t quite over. the students of Wheatland have started a petition effort to have the banners put back up. Yes, the very sons and daughters of those folks who don’t want a No Hate campaign, are saying their parents are wrong. i would ask that you all stand with the students in Wheatland, and go HERE to sign their petition.

There truly is No Place For Hate.

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Filed under Discrimination, Hate, LGBT, Uncategorized, Wyoming

>$cientology Doesn’t Pay

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You may not know the name, but I’ll bet you’ve seen Larry Anderson a few times in your life. He has appeared on more than 30 television shows, from Charlie’s Angels and Mork and Mindy to Desperate Housewives and Mad Men; he was a game show host and had bit parts in several movies.

But Larry Anderson isn’t a household name to many people, unless those people are Scientologists. See, Larry Anderson had a starring role in the Church of Scientology’s 1996 film Orientation, a church recruitment film. As the film ends, Larry Anderson says:

“If you leave this room after seeing this film and walk out and never mention Scientology again, you are perfectly free to do so. It would be stupid. But you can do it. You can also dive off a bridge or blow your brains out. That is your choice. But, if you don’t walk out that way, if you continue with Scientology, we will be very happy with you. And you will be very happy with you.”

Now, after 33 years as a Scientologist, and the past 13 as the voice of Scientology, Larry Anderson is walking away because he feels the church failed to deliver the spiritual gains it promised. And he also wants his money back. Anderson paid almost $120,000 for services never taken and that the Church of Scientology has a policy which states that parishioners can get repayments, but if they do, they cannot come back.
So Larry Anderson met with Scientology spokesbot Tommy Davis eleven months ago to discuss his reimbursement, and he taped their meeting. His 90-minute recording offers a rare glimpse as to how the church deals with what they call a “defector” and his demand for his money.
On the tape, Tommy Davis asks Anderson to promise not to publicly announce his decision to leave Scientology nor join the ranks of its critics. Anderson refused, saying he was entitled to his money without conditions.
In a written response to the St. Petersburg Times, Davis says that Anderson’s prepayments are charitable donations and the “church is under no obligation to return any donations received.” He goes on to say that it is “offensive and reprehensible” that Anderson “feels he must punctuate his departure with a public attack.” Tommy Davis says Larry Anderson is not entitled to the return of any monies because he “declined to follow the prescribed policy and procedures.”
Anderson says he did follow procedure, and that it was Davis who insisted they meet to discuss the request for repayment. Anderson says he was told to wait for the church’s reply, which is just “evasive techniques to try to make it look like I’m the one who didn’t follow procedure.”
Larry Anderson isn’t out to denigrate the Church of Scientology. He simply wants the church to follow procedure set up by its founder, L. Ron Hubbard decades ago, which states that prepayments for services never received must be repaid. But I guess it’s true what they say about Scientology: it’s all about the money, and only about the money. And they seem to be running out of it.

And taking Larry Anderson’s with them.

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Filed under Larry Anderson, Religion, Scientology