We start the show as April prepares to move into the Witches Den. Gretchen moves her Designtestants VooDoo dolls to make room for April’s things, while Ivy bashes April for her construction abilities, and Valerie just rambles on……..and on……….and on.
Luckily, the torture ends, and the designtestants are summoned to the runway for their next assignment.
Heidi sends them packing to the river’s edge to meet Tim Gunn and Michael Kors waiting beside a yacht. Of course, it’s just a day off, and a cruise up the river, then down into the harbor, but no…….
That’s the challenge. Yachts. Vacations. Resort wear. Create a resort look that’s true to each designers aesthetic. Easy for Andy who lives in Hawaii, and probably wears resort clothing 24/7; same goes for Michael C, who lives in Palm Springs. But pity poor Mondo, whose idea of resort wear is men’s underwear and t-shirts.
Wait. Where is that resort?
The designers cruise the harbor while Michael D cruises Christopher, and design their looks while having a sip and a nosh. They’ll get $150.00 and ten minutes…..I kid…..to create their looks, but, as happens on the Project, Tim has a monkeywrench.
Each designer will be paired with another designer, who will act as their sample-maker, since designers cannot sew everything they design. The designer must make sure that the sample-maker executes their vision, because, at the end of the runway, the designer, not the sample-maker, will get Auf’d.
She gets paired with Andy, but spends most of her time bashing Michael C, because that’s what Gretchen taught her to do, and then crying on the phone to her mother about how hard it is, because, you know, they have to sew and stuff.
Perhaps she thought she tried out for Top Chef.
When Michael Kors makes the workroom cruise, and critiques them, he is appalled by Valerie’s awful color choices; this time, something he calls Cadet Blue. This causes more tears, and causes Valerie to tell us that if she doesn’t win she gave up everything….Everything….to be there. Not like the other designers who gave up nothing to come to New York and live in seclusion for weeks on end.
Build a bridge, Valerie.
Better yet, build an outfit that doesn’t make your model look hippy and fat. Build a pair of shorts out of some other fabric that doesn’t scream Test Pattern.
She gets a save.
The bashing continues with Michael, especially when the designtestants learn that they have to team up. Michael gets tagged to Mondo, and Mondo, well, he just wants to quit. Right off the bat he’s rude and condescending to Michael, bashing his lack of sewing skills. But, um, Mondo? Yeah, this challenge is proof that a designer really need not know how to sew.
That’s where you come in: sample-maker.
And, Mondo, dear, one thing most designers do is….sketch. And that, you don’t do. So, who has the disadvantage here?
Kors stops by and loves Michael’s fabric choices, but warns him not to go over the top with styling. And Mondo continues to hate on Michael’s design, loathes the fabrics, and doesn’t see how the judges think so highly of him. In fact, he believes he deserves the win simply for being paired up with Michael C.
But then it happens. A miracle occurs….rainbows flood the workroom and angels sing. Mondo moves away from the Dark Side, and he and Michael begin working well together.
Mondo, to his credit, says he “was a dick” to Michael C.
So, he sews, and helps, and instructs, and Michael C ends up with a dress that looks gorgeous, and old Hollywood. Very Rita Hayworth.
We didn’t see a lot of her this week….thanks, editors. And for the first time, we didn’t hear her utter “design school project”. It was nice.
Gretchen was teamed with Casanova, and I thought she’d run all over him, but she was helpful and nice. Who is this woman? And where’s the real Gretchen? I start to like her…..then I remember.
That, of course, doesn’t last long, as she soon tells us she’s worried about Casanova’s aesthetic and styling, and a glimmer of Bitch Gretchen comes out.
Kors hates her fabric choices, and wonders why she has this need for the “bordeaux” colored fabrics. And it does seem that Gretchen uses a lot of that wine, whiny, color. I think she’s trying to create her own collection, using the Project as her workroom.
And yet it doesn’t work. On the runway it looks odd, and mismatched and piece-mealed together. She says it looks rich, and I think it looks more Richie Cunningham dressed a s a woman to sneak into the girl’s dorm on an old episode of Happy Days.
And, like the episode, it’s sad, and bordeaux, and I am oh, bored.
But it gets a pass.
Andy’s sample-maker was crybaby Val, and he was instantly worried that she couldn’t pull off a swimsuit. And his outfit will be work: special fabrics, a swimsuit, and a cover-up. How Val had time to call home and weep I’ll never know.
But she does, and on the runway, this is my favorite.
It looked elegant and sexy, and the swimsuit was fantastic. Kors nods knowingly at Nina as it passes by; expect the very thing in his next collection.
Heidi calls it commercial, which I always thought was bad, but apparently not this time. Nina said it was sophisticated and expensive. Kors dubbed it beautifully done, and Kristen Bell said it was a design that could fit all sizes.
And it should have won in my book. Nothing against April….we’ll get to her….but week after week Andy does fully realized designs with beautifully styled models. Why he doesn’t win is beyond me.
Maybe commercial was a bad word.
She’ll do an asylum-inspired resort wear look, something along the lines of what Lohan might wear to rehab and then a coke party. She gets Chris to make her outfit, and they are Chip’n’Dale.
No after you.
No after you.
When Kors visits in the workroom, he tells April that she might consider a boy short and sheer cover-up, and April was planning to do just that until the asylum voices told her No. But she shut them out and listened only to Kors, and she ended up with this.
And I like. I don’t love.
It doesn’t look resort wear, unless the resort is Dracula’s castle. It looks negligee, which isn’t bad, really. Maybe I don’t get resort wear, because the judges loved it.
Kors thought it looked baby-doll-punk, just like April, and Heidi thought it hot and sexy. Nina said Stunning. Fantastic. Kristen Bell said she’d wear it on the red carpet.
Someone needs to talk to her. Resort, yes. Bedroom, yes. Red carpet? Really?
But it gets the win this week, and April, full of emotion, said, Really? Cool?
This is not an excitable girl. But I’m glad she won, especially now that she’s living with the Witches of Bitchwick.
So, that’s that.
Not a lot of drama, because I think Gretchen ended up on the cutting room floor to make room for the Ivy Bitch-A-Pa-Looza.
Next week looks more intrusting.
I’ll be there.