She has this one.
She is a sportswear designer.
She is an outerwear designer.
She has this.
Not so much.
Valerie speaks in questions, you know? And it always bothered me, but then I realized she does it because she actually questions everything. Is Jackie O goth? Do I need pleats? Should I add pockets? Am I annoying you?
Well, yes, with the fact that you think zippers and piping and pleating….Oh my….is edgy and current and Jackie O. And if you think black and gray and bruise-y purple are fun colors because they aren’t.
She spends a lot of time questioning what Andy is doing and why Michael C makes so many things that I want to scream at my TV, Valerie? Eyes on your own work!
Should she do leggings that aren’t leggings? No? Maybe a tube skirt? A.Tube.Skirt. Should she just go home now? Should she do pockets?
When Tim monkeywrenches her, she asks if she can use the jacket she already made as her outerwear piece, and Tim, god love Tim Gunn, says, No. I was surprised to see you created a jacket.
So, Valerie keeps the jacket and then makes a vest to put over it, and then, well, she lies about it on the runway. Heidi asks why a vest over a jacket, and Valerie says it isn’t jacket, but a blouse; Heidi commands that the vest be removed, taken out and shot, and then asks, again, Isn’t that a jacket?
Quivering in fear, Valerie again says no, but then says the model could wear a camisole under it. So, camisole, jacket, vest. Not good.
In fact, it was sad. It had no impact, and, dear God, a tube skirt. I seriously think the producers had to physically hold Nina in her chair lest she leap to the runway and slap Valerie.
But, believe it or not, there was something worse on the runway last night, and I don’t mean Ivy’s personality, so Valerie got a pass.
He is a dichotomy. After buying his fabrics, he questions his choices, but when Tim Gunn questions his drapery skirt, Michael stands by it, and says he loves it and he’s going to show it.
Michael should have questioned many other things other than the fabric choices.
But he soldiers on, doing what he ultimately called dressy sportswear because he doesn’t do sportswear…which is evident on the runway. Instead, he makes what he calls a 1950s circle skirt, but then does some kind of 1750s pleating detail which makes it look as though he took my Grandmother’s curtains out of the den and hung them around his models hips….making the hips look enormous. He says he’s losing his mind, and I think losing is the operative word there.
Tim calls the dress Annie Oakley, but Michael says sometimes old things can be so old looking that actually seem modern. Yeah, I get that. Every time I see a stagecoach I think, Wow, what a cool way to travel.
With the announcement of the second challenge, the outerwear piece, Michael thinks he has this made. He, as he so incorrectly put it, is Captain Outerwear. I’d say he’s more Countess Outerwear. But then I think it’s just an honorary title because his outerwear piece is awful. Short and Granny….over a big black belt and a drapery skirt. Michael, again unquestioning–he should take a page from Valerie’s book and question everything–loves his entire look.
I’m hoping he loves it so much he’ll wear it on the plane ride home.
Kors called it schizophrenic Jackie O, and gave it this season’s go-to phrase for horrendous: mall wear. I often wonder just what mall Kors goes to if he sees things like this. And why is Kors at a mall when he should be at the ManHole? But I digress.
This outfit was unbelievably unflattering….ouch…..poor and sad…..pow……old lady cheerleader……bam. He’s down for the count.
She’s a bitch.
She listens to no one, and anyone who thinks she isn’t a good designer is an idiot.
Um, Ivy? America called and you owe us an apology because we all think you’re a terrible designer….who got lucky this week because there were several more unfortunate pieces on the runway, so she didn’t get the boot.
And, well, I’ll give Ivy props for getting away from white and cream and opaque and going for white and sheer and black.
Black? Huh? What? Huh?
But, true to form, Ivy, who scarecly finished the pants and admitted that the jacket was too small, spent a great deal of time questioning Michael C and Christopher’s dresses as too cocktail. I think Ivy needs a cocktail and a good long hard……
She reminds us that she a a great seamstress, and tailor and that no one else, in the workroom, in the judges chairs, or on the planet, knows what sportswear is, or how to do it. I think Bravo has hired extra security to help Ivy carry her big fat head from Atlas to Parsons.
As for the twist, Ivy.Loves.Outerwear. But I don’t think she knows how to do outerwear, because her design is too small, oddly shaped and left a “boob hole” opening in case Jackie O wanted to breast feed?
And, again–god, this is killing me–I will say that, without that jacket, her look did seem Jackie o-inspired, but it also looked like Jackie O-circa 1973. It didn’t seem current or modern, and it didn’t look like Ivy because it wasn’t white or cream.
Kors called it elegant, but agreed that the closed jacket was weird. Heid thought it was too much design, too overworked, with Ivy’s apparent love of the modernity of squares and triangles. And Nina thought that Ivy finally showed some design sense, and finally let go of Ivy’s Week One Mumsy Mostrosity. For now.
Everyone agreed that the outfit was chic and sleek, but the jacket was a mistake.
But, Ivy redeemed herself and got a pass.
Again, like everyone else, Christopher tells us that he has this one, because he is a sportswear designer. But he’ll take it up a notch and make it fantastic.
Keep reaching Chris. Keep reaching.
His dress is a little cocktail–all right Ivy?–but it’s chic and clean and modern, and looks Jackie O Wow. It has, as Tim calls it, a richness to it. I’m thinking maybe this will be the week that Christopher finally reaches the top spot and then the twist happens.
For some reason bests left unknown, Christopher decides to create a fur piece to wear, but at mood all the fur pieces look cheap, so he goes for animal pelts.And he’s never worked with pelts, or sewn leather, and thinks PR is the time to try?
Oh Christopher. You almost had it.
But then he made the shrug, and I shrugged in disbelief. It looked like a towel one might find on the floor of the shower at the gym. It looked dirty. Tim called it anemic, but I think he meant dirty.
Heidi meant dirty.
On the runway she called it a dirty dish towel, and Christopher couldn’t defend it. Johnny Cochran couldn’t defend it. Kors called it a shoulder toilet seat cover, and I threw up a little at the thought.
Luckily, his dress was beautiful, and form-sitting and had some interesting asymmetry going on, because that shrug could have come to life and bitten Christopher in the ass.
And given him rabies.
It was that awful.
But the dress saved him.
Mondo again let the fabrics speak to him, and a loud purple and black herringbone called his name. Then prison stripes chimed it. nd he was off and Mondo-ing.
But he soon realizes his fabrics misspoke. Perhaps they were shouting at Ivy to stay away from the cream aisle, and Mondo began anew, switching from dress to skirt.
Good, fabric voices. Good.
He created Jackie O-inspired Mondo. He stayed true to Mondo, like Andy, but followed the challenge, unlike Andy. Tim calls the fabrics Mondo, the design Mondo and the aesthetic Mondo.
Everyone else in the workroom–and by everyone else I mean the Bitches Of Eastwick, Gretchen, Ivy, and Valerie– question his taste level, saying Jackie, or as Gretchen constantly said, Jacqueline, would never wear that. But, Bitches, the challenge wasn’t to make something Jackie O would wear, it was to make a Jackie O-inspired piece.
So….kwitcherbitchin’ and pay attention; because Mondo took his design and his POV all the way to the head of the runway while one of you was middle-of-the road, one of you placed third, and one of you nearly went home.
Yeah, that’s how it goes.
On the runway Heidi asks about his outfit and he goes into an elaborate discussion of fabrics and textures and mixing and color and silhouette, until Heidi says, No, I mean your outfit.
Mondo had chosen to go all Josephine “Joe” Baker, at the Cotton Club. And he looked fabulous; and his model looked good next to him.
It was called loud and bold and true to the designer. Kors said the POV wasn’t Jackie, but he could see some of her in the separates. Nina called it fabulous fabrics, and chic.
And Heidi called him the winner.
So, here we are.
Michael D got Auf’d. And he should have. And Valerie should send him a muffin basket because if he’d done something different and better, she’d be zippering herself into a carryon bag and going home.
Ivy’s still a bitch, but……..No, I can’t say it again.
Gretchen. I love how crestfallen she seems when she is told she is safe. She so thinks she should be in the top and looks heartbroken when she isn’t. I like that.
I also liked Michael C sucking up to her, and then telling us that she is awful.
And next week……Does Valerie quit?
I’ll watch? Will you?