So, let’s get right into it.
The challenge this week was to create a piece to add to the Heidi Klum Collection, er, collection, that would fit seamlessly in with the rest of her activewear, athleticwear, mom-on-the-go pieces. But then, as usual, a monkeywrench is tossed into the group–and no, darn it, it didn’t thump Gretchen in the melon–when Heidi told the designers they must create two additional looks.
But, and this is where it gets Ivy [read:ugly], Heidi and Tim bring back Auf’d designers to help the designtestants with their trio of outfits.
Mondo picks newly Auf’d Valerie, while Gretchen picked Casanova. Christopher, probably desperate to go home, chooses Ivy The Bitch, while Andy gets Michael Drummond, April gets Peach, and Michael C gets AJ.
I know. I was like, Who’s AJ? Took me a minute.
So, Ivy The Bitch is in the sewing room with Michael C, and she casually asks if he’s surprised that he’s still in the running, to which he says he’s more shocked than surprised.
Ivy The Bitch: Why? Because you cheated?
Ruh-ro, says Astro.
But Michael C, who has backed down from Ivy and her Bitchitude says, and I loved this, How does it feel to be eliminated for a crappy design?
Of course, as things on the PR are apt to be, the accusation that Michael C taped his model into a dress–although staples and hot glue are fine–reaches Tim and he comes storming, well, sauntering, into he workroom to ask what’s going on.
Ivy The Bitch plays dumb when Tim initially asks about the cheating, but then Michael C tells Tim what’s going on. Then Ivy The Bitch says she saw double-stick tape in the ladies room, and well, as everyone knows, double-stick tape in the ladies room means Michael C is cheating.
Tim asks why she didn’t tell the producers and Ivy The Bitch mutters some nonsense about being caught up in the task ands how tired she was and how she’s a raging bitch, so she decided to wait until the next day. and then, when she did tell the producers, they told her it was too late.
Tim: And it is too late. The judges saw no evidence of cheating, i saw no evidence of cheating, and the cameras caught no one cheating. So, Ivy, shut your rancid bitch yap and get back to sewing.
Okay, maybe that last line is mine.
The next surprising moment came when Gretchen asked Michael C if he was able to get on with the challenge. What’s this? Gretchen being nice? To Michael C? Is this Alternate Universe Runway?
Whatever it is, let’s rip:
Gretchen tells us Right off the bat, Gretchen tells us that Heidi’s collection is “very retail driven and basic,” which we all know means “design school project” or “C+” or has no taste. And, we learn that Gretchen doesn’t like criticism from anyone, especially Heidi, who’s just a model.
So, when Heidi visits the workroom Gretchen visibly winces–she hates Heidi in the workroom, on the runway, in a magazine, in a car, in a store, on the street, in a pool. She simply hates Heidi. And so, when Heidi questions Gretchen’s fabric choices, and how they didn’t fit in with the line, Gretchen is furious. Heidi doesn’t like me. That would be a recurring theme throughout the show. So, Gretchen decides to hurl her fabric choices and simply use the fabrics that everyone else is using.
Oh, how she suffers.
But she does get to work creating her additions to the Hide Line, but what she actually creates is more of a Gretchen Knows What Heidi Needs Line. She decides what Heidi Line is missing and then she fills that gap, which is exactly what she was asked not to do.
Create fashion that will FIT with Heidi’s line.
Her stuff is all Gretchen and no Heidi, except for the fabrics. There were baggy pieces and racer-backed shirts. What is it about Gretchen and the racer-back shirts she does? I mean, they’re okay, and all, but, give it up already. It won’t get you to the tents.
Gretchen goes Bottom Three, which shocks her because she’s so good and it should have been Mondo, or some such bull size.
Heidi says the looks aren’t casual, but then she says, They hurt my eyes. YEE-OUCH! It’s a hodgepodge of things, and nothing works. Kors says the styling is off, and he doesn’t get the skirt and spanks-looking shorts combo–it looks a little sausage casing. Nina says the looks are forced and odd, while guest judge Norma Kamali just shakes her head.
In the end, though her clothes are called 80s dance video, Gretchen gets saved.
She sulks from the runway and, again, Heidi doesn’t like me.
Oh Gretchen, I want to say, It isn’t just Heidi.
After the Ivy The Bitch Cheating Accusation, he gets to work on his mini-collection, though he, too chooses colors outside Heidi’s palette. He goes Fall, or Pumpkin, or Turkey. Whatever you call it, it doesn’t fit.
But, as the judges say time and again, though his colors are off, and his collection isn’t right, and the styling is poor, he does make well-crafted clothes.
Which apparently Michael C doesn’t get because he tells us as nauseam during the show that he will win this challenge, or maybe he’ll be safe, but he will not go Bottom Three.
Spoke to soon, MC.
His clothes look unwearable. Big and sloppy. They look less mom-on-the=go and more mom-on-the-floor waiting for the paramedics. April says he didn’t do activewear, but then, as the judges will tell her, neither did she.
And, as for the judges, well…..
Heidi wonders why he would introduce new and awful colors into her collection, which already had a color story. She also calls him out for the non-athletic nature of his clothing. Kors says Michael tried to be fancy and fell far short, and Nina agrees that he tried to hard and that his styling is off. Belt and shoes and, well, it’s just too much. Norma Kamali agrees with the bad styling, and the judges feel that his proportions are off, and that he has low taste, but good talent.
How he does that, I’ll never know, but I imagine Ivy The Bitch is somewhere saying it’s because he cheated. You know, by winning two challenges to her none, and by still being there when she was sent packing.
While Michael C gets a save, I must add that Heidi’s line to him, in the workroom, was also a favorite: Who was it who said you cannot sew? Oh, I forgot, she’s not here any more.
Suh-nap. And I bet Ivy The Bitch is still bitching about that one!
Why oh why would Christopher choose Ivy to help him when, rather than help, she runs around telling people how tough she is for calling out Michael C for cheating three weeks after the fact.
Why oh why Christopher, didn’t you step up your game? I begged you to go Wow and you went Ow. And, you said it was because you don’t do activewear. oh honey, but you do do activewear, you just do it badly.
Kors called it cheap and sad. He actually said Christopher’s clothe look like they cost no more than ten dollars. Ow. Not Wow. Heidi wonders where that flash of red came from, and why he chose it since there is no red in her collection. Wow becomes Ow. Nina calls the proportions out for being off, and Norma Kamali says she could tell that even Christopher didn’t love his looks.
Ow. But Kors….leave it to the Gay; he said Christopher’s collection looked like a pajama party at a retirement home. Big Ow!
And, well, as he’s told to pack his needles and go, you can see why he’s Auf’d. He is utterly emotionless about leaving. Not angry, not sad, not upset. Just bland.
And that was Christopher’s problem this whole season.
Bland, Boring clothes. No Wow. No show at the tents.
Cutie patootie has left the building.
As usual she was one of the few complaining about the additional workload, and, as such, she didn’t get a lot of camera time. Slow and steady, April, slow and steady.
But she did get some snark in as she watched Gretchen deal with Heidi, and she told us, though we already knew it, that Gretchen is rude. But she forgot to say she’s a terrible designer, though I’m sure that will come up.
Her collection wasn’t activewear, unless active-evening-wear is a new sub-genre of fashion that is just breaking, because then she’d be cutting edge. However, her collection did fit into the darker side of Heidi’s clothes–while staying true to April’s dark side. She made her clothes fit Heidi but say April, which is hard when you see sullen, black-dressed April stand anywhere near laughing smiling glowing Heidi. So, she gets props for, and yes I’ll say it, Making it work.
The judges liked her clothes though she missed the challenge a bit. Norma Kamali wasn’t a fan of the colors, but Heidi, and let’s face it, she’s ruining the runway, liked the collection. It was called edgy and easy, which is totally April.
Edgy. I don’t know about the easy part.
And safe, too.
Mondo was a diva bitch to Heidi in the workroom. There was eye-rolling and head-snapping and terse words. And Heidi called him out on it. Mainly because she tried to put his clothes on, and it was nearly impossible to do so. So, Mondo sulked and pouted and then came to his senses and chucked his designs and started again.
And created clothes that say HeidiMondo. And while there where no wild prints or neon colors–a pinkless Mondo show was quite unexpected–he mixed fabrics from Heidi’s choices and his choices quite well.
Michael Kors loved the top half of Mondo’s creation, and even the wacky headbands, but he thought the bottoms were a throwaway. Kamali thought the color choices could have been better, but Nina liked the fabrics. Nice flow, nice movement. And Heidi liked; I think Heidi liked that he tossed out his forest designs and then did some really great things.
Heidi likes when people do as she says.
All in all, the judges thought Mondo’s Mini looked very expensive, but, after three big wins, he gets a second place showing.
Andy, too, stayed away from the drama [read:Ivy The Bitch] and just worked.
And he worked it out.
I thought his collection looked the most like the pieces we saw of Heidi’s Made By Someone Else But Called Heidi Collection.
He used her fabrics, but threw in some of his own, and made the clothes that Andy would make. His collection was dubbed Light and Luxurious by the judges because it had the movement and money.
Heidi was very impressed, and in the end, rather than choosing just one look to add to her line, she picked all three of Andy’s pieces to sell on Amazon.com. So, it was a big win, finally, for Andy, and a redemption after last weeks crisis of talent.
Kors thought his clothes were exacting, wearable, and had variety, while Nina liked the lightness of the fabrics, though she thought the prints looked a little Halloweeny–and I saw that a bit, when you saw all three together. Norma Kamali simply uttered beautiful.
So, there we have it.
One more week of Ivy The Bitch–the producers do know good TV.
And the Top Three this week is who I’d like to see at the tents, so I’m hoping that this is a good omen.
Of course, that would mean that Gretchen or Michael C will leave next week, and even though Gretchen was oddly kind to Michael, I’d like to see her go before him, so she can tell us again how much Heidi doesn’t like her.