>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But………

That Kanye West sure knows how to spin things. And he also doesn’t know when to let things go.

It seems he cannot stop talking about :::drum roll::: THE TAYLOR SWIFT INCIDENT. You know, how he leaped up onstage at the MTV Awards, ripped a microphone from a teenage girl’s hands and proceeded to tell the audience, and the world, that Taylor Swift shouldn’t have won?
Yeah, that classy act.
Now, big-headed Kanye is taking credit for Taylor Swift being “the most popular artist in the world”–although which world I don’t know–during a recent interview on Mojo in the Morning.
Kanye: “I feel like when Taylor was getting all those magazine covers, she was all good then. I feel completely empathetic and sympathize with that moment of her feeling bad, that spawned her to have one million magazine covers and be the most popular artist in the world, but in that moment of her feeling bad, I do feel bad about being the cause of that.”
Yeah, nice career move, Taylor. Win an award and have some drunken asshat jump onstage and ruin the moment for you.

Oh Kanye, the less you speak the better.

Some folks just don’t know when to fess up.
Case in point: Hasbeen singer and 70s TV star David Cassidy.
It seems that one Mister Cassidy was arrested this week on a DUI charge after he was pulled over and found to be intoxicated–he failed two breathalyzer tests–and had a half-empty bottle of bourbon in his car.

How pessimistic. I’d like to think that bottle of bourbon in the passenger seat was half-full. But that’s just me.
And so, Cassidy said, Yup, I’m drunk. Haul my ass away and throw me in the pokey.

Not exactly, Despite the facts, David Cassidy is going to fight the DUI charges, claiming that he was not drunk, just tired and on a pain pill.
And he was just taking his friend bourbon out for a ride.

David’s representative–and by representative, I mean, paid liar–is saying that her client admits that he was a bit, ahem, drowsy from the combination of pain medication that he took for his back earlier in the day and exhaustion from going to an early morning funeral.

Wow, she played the Back Pain Card and the Funeral Card. Nicely done, representative.

But, um, yeah, again, what about the bourbon.

And the breathalyzer tests that Cassidy insists are are inaccurate and were not “properly measured” because of his long career in law enforcement and dealing with drunk, or medicated and just coming from a funeral, drivers.

Paid liar went on to say:

“He would never jeopardize anyone on the road and he would not have been driving had he not had to go to a funeral … he’s never been arrested in his life before for anything.”

Oh, but he has, honey. Just this week.

Apparently the Stupid Apple doesn’t fall far from the Mama Grizzly Bore Tree.

Yeah, that doesn’t make sense, but, well, you’ll see where I’m going with this one.
Blister Palin, daughter of the aforementioned Bore, forgot to vote in this week’s elections.
It seems, that for Blister, the Cha-Cha was more important than the future of her country.
Says Blister:

“I did not send in my absentee ballots to Alaska. I’m going to be in trouble. Sorry, mom!”
How cute!

Let’s see, she was raised to practice abstinence and yet, well, there’s a bay somewhere,being tended to by keepers while Mama goes a’dancing and Papa goes a’whorin’. And though she was raised by a politician, she can’t seem to remember to put a stamp on a ballot and send it in.

That Mama Grizzly Bore is some Mama, huh?

Still, Blister assures us that she’ll make it to the polls in 2012, when she hopes her mother will be running for president: “I know she is great, and she is great for our country.”
Yeah, look at all you learned from her.

Oh, poor thing.
He held you at knife point and this makes you feel “humiliated”?

Brooke Mueller and Charlie “Drug Addict and Man Whore”Sheen signed a divorce agreement way back in May. They have been living apart for most of the year.

But Brooke feels blindsided and humiliated because Charlie filed divorce papers?
On, honey, wake up and smell the smoke from the Meal Ticket pulling away.

But Brooke Mueller’s lawyer, Sorrell Trope, says the pair had agreed in May to wait a full year before officially filing for divorce because “she didn’t want to make trouble for Charlie,” who was under investigation for allegedly assaulting her in December.

Yeah, once again, don’t make trou8ble for the man who pulled a knife on you because, well you have half of that Two-and-a-Half Men money to think about.

Charlie Sheen’s manager, Mark Burg–who should have kept him from getting drunk and high, and hiring a hooker, er, pron star, and trashing a hotel room, says “Charlie tried to reach out to Brooke and left her a message before filing for divorce.”

Damn! She missed that “I’m filing for divorce” text.
Next time, Charlie, and I’m sure, with your record, they will be more marriages, and knives, and hookers, and drugs, and alcohol and divorces, maybe you ought to communicate via Facebook. It’s all the rage.

Lorrie Morgan is a married woman.
The gays can’t do it, but a country singer can do it again…and again…and again…and again…and again…and again .

The country singer married NFL Hall of Famer Randy White last September.

Between her and new hubby, they have eight married, and yet, I’m still waiting to do it once.
Lorrie’s first husband was Ron Gaddis, whom she married in 1979 and divorced in 1981.
Lorrie’s second husband was country singer Keith Whitley, who died in 1989 of alcohol poisoning.
Lorrie’s third husband was Brad Thompson, a bus driver for Clint Black, to whom she was married from 1991 to 1993.
Lorrie’s fourth husband was singer/songwriter Jon Randall; that marriage lasted three years.
Lorrie’s fifth husband was singer Sammy Kershaw; they were married a record six years.
Nice to see the heteros keep trying and trying and trying and trying and trying and trying and trying and trying and trying and I don’t even get one shot.



Filed under Bristol Palin, Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen, David Cassidy, Kanye West, Lorrie Morgan

2 responses to “>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But………

  1. >Lorrie sure gets around. She was also with Troy Aikman and Sen. Fred Thompson but didn't get married to either of them.

  2. Joy

    >Always enjoy these. You said it all and very well! Keep up the snarky work! 🙂

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