>Kurt’s Story Is My Story

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So, there we were, all snug in our chairs, watching Glee last night; a Tuesday ritual, except when things like elections and baseball get in the way, but I digress.

I loved how Glee tackled the bullying of Kurt and how it affected him, making him more aggressive with his friends. But then, we he followed the bully into the locker room and confronted him, i was like Yes! You go, Kurt! And I half-expected the bully would punch him but then…..that kiss. It took me back to Junior High School.

I was the target of bullies back then. If I answered a question in class, i was always sure to heard someone from the back of the room mutter Faggot. I never had one single teacher say, Who said that? even though the entire class heard it and snickered at me. Still, I wasn’t shoved in the hallways, though, because in those days the bullies were more hidden, and worked their torture out when no one else was around.

There was one guy, I don’t remember his name, who used to taunt me endlessly. I would pass him in the hallway….Faggot…..I’d see him in the cafeteria….Faggot…..waiting for the bus…..Faggot. No punches, or shoves, though, except for the verbal jabs.

One day, during PE, which was torture for the gay kid who threw like a girl and hated sports, I was in the lockerrom, and this guy came up to me. I didn’t run, probably because the thought didn’t cross my mind. But he backed me into a corner and said, Are you gay?

Well, what the hell did that mean? Gay? I mean, I knew what it meant, but I didn’t know why he would ask me that, and yet he kept asking over and over, backing me up against a locker.

And then he kissed me. And I think that scared me more than the name-calling or the supposed beating I was about to endure. HE kissed ME. HE called ME a faggot again. And then he turned and left.

And he still kept calling me faggot in class, in the hallways, by the bus, and I kept wondering, Why? And somewhere, inside, I knew it was because he was just like me, only he was more scared and afraid about it than I. And I somehow knew he always would be a scared bully.

But, it wasn’t until last night, when Kurt said the most awful thing about his bully kissing him was that it was his first kiss, that I realized that guy, that hateful, closeted, homosexual who chose to bully and torture me to hide his own gayness, was my first kiss. You always think your first kiss will be special but you don’t think it will be like that.

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10 Comments

Filed under Bob, Gay, Glee

10 responses to “>Kurt’s Story Is My Story

  1. >There must be something in the air at the moment. I've just done a similar post about bullying at school from my own expeiences and trying to come to terms with being gay. Thankyou for your openness. I'm looking forward to this episode of Glee…

  2. >Wow, I'm just speechless after reading your account.When the kiss happened on Glee I thought, "Now that's truly ridiculous. That would NEVER happen in real life." And now you are telling me not only does it happen in real life, it happened to you personally?! Wow. Just wow.Whatever happened to that guy? I'm really curious. Can a closeted gay bully come to terms with his sexuality and redeem himself? Or is he forever ruined? Forever to be condemned no matter what.I can't wait to see how the Glee writers deal with the bully for the rest of the season. Will he come out? Will Kurt and him end up being friends? Lovers?

  3. >I posted a similar story in 2008 on my blog.And yeah my first kiss, was from two guys that well wanted me dead. I caught them making out in a christian school. Funny what you will do when you are scared sh!t-less. They had their fist drawn up ready to hit, when I asked them to teach me how to kiss. I kept that secret for years. @ cubby it does happen in real life!

  4. >And I thought I was shocked last night. Whatever happened to that guy? Did he ever come out in school?

  5. cb

    >At least you got a kiss out of it. I endured the actual pushing into lockers, being pushed down stairs, books knocked out, verbal taunts and abuse, and weekly threats of being beaten up.

  6. Bob

    >See, I guess art does really imitate life, or something.That guy never really bothered me again, and we ended up at different high schools so I never saw him again.I hope he did come out, and I hope he learned a little something.Now, as for Glee, since I shared a similar story with Kurt I was a little suprirsed that on the show, his bully continued to shove him.I would have thought he'd have stopped out of fear that an emboldened Kurt would say something about the kiss.

  7. >Wow, Bob. That must have screwed you up for a minute

  8. >In my case it was an unrequited crush on the part of another boy. He used to taunt me to the point where one day I grabbed him by the neck and proceeded to bang his head against a brick wall. He never bothered me after that. I found out YEARS later that he had a crush on me back then, he just didn't know how to express it. However I do know what my breaking point is, and when it breaks I'm sort of dangerous.

  9. >Wow, great story. I, like Cubby, would have thought it was "just a story". But these things do happen. It;s too bad that our society keeps these fires burning and doesn't just let kids be who they are and figure out who they want to be without any expectations or boxes for them to be in.

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