>Color me stunned, not purple.
See what I did there?
Anyhoooo, people were all speculatin’ that James Franco was high when he hosted the Oscars this year; well, maybe not people, but I was. And now comes word that Whoopi Goldberg has admitted, on a video clip, that she was stoned when she accepted her Oscar in 1991 for her role in ‘Ghost.’
Whoopi says, on that tape: “Smoking cigarettes and pot every now and then are my habits. And I thought, ‘I’ve got to relax.’ So I smoked this wonderful joint that was the last of my home grown.”
And then Miss Goldberg goes on to say that she was so surprised by her win that she was worried about getting onstage: “When [Denzel Washington] said my name and I popped up, I thought, ‘Oh f—… okay, up the stairs… around to the podium… there’s millions of people, pick up the statue, get the statue.”
And apparently she pulled it off because I don’t remember anyone talking about that back in the day. Except for Whoopi’s mother, who could tell her daughter was high by her “glistening eyes” and called to scold her.
Whoopi ends her nearly two-decade old video confession with her own PSA: “I know you’re not supposed to admit that you smoke pot, but I don’t drink alcohol. Just because I do it doesn’t mean you should.”
Whoopi Goldberg high.
It seems that 900-year-old Hugh Hefner’s 24-year-old fiancee, Crystal Harris, is not exactly ready to settle down with her centuries old fiance. She is ALLEGEDLY cheating on her grandpa with Dr. Phil’s son.
Hmmm, which is worse, marrying a man thirty-seven times your age, or having Dr. Phil as a father-in-law?
Witnesses–and by witnesses, I mean pool boys at the Playboy Mansion who scrub the Grotto free from herpes and hepatitis–say that Crystal and Jordan McGraw were cozying “up at the Chateau Marmont in LA” and that while Crystal was hoping to keep their romance low-key–lest Hef send out the Hit Bunnies–Jordan doesn’t care; he’ll fight a nine-hundred-year-old man.
Jordan seems to be following in his older brother’s footsteps; his brother, Jay, is married to Playboy model Erica Dahm. And his father loves to spank Little Phil while ogling pictures of his daughter-in-law.
Crystal and Jordan met when Jordan became the producer of her album at the Organica record label. Jordan, however, was subsequently let go “for dating female clients under the label.”
Daddy would be so proud.
Not Daddy Hef, Daddy Phil.
Well, after a tense week, where talk was that Charlie “Winning” Sheen might be returning to 2-1/2 Men, rumors are flying that Jeremy Piven will be taking over.
A source close to the situation, and I think it’s Jon Cryer–says: “Jeremy is a great actor and a hot commodity, his name has come up a couple of times in talks about who, if anybody, could step into Charlie’s shoes.”
But, if CBS wants to hire Piven as the new Sheen, they might, um, want to talk to Piven. According to his people–and by people, i mean the ones who keep him from eating sushi [Google it]–“No one connected in any way with Jeremy knows anything about this and that would include Jeremy.”
I wouldn’t be surprised if Sheen does get his job back, unless, during his current stage show, “My Mental Breakdown,” or, um, “Charlie Sheen Live: My Violent Torpedo Of Truth” he continues to bash his show, his network, and the producers.
Money talks, even when it’s talking about an insane drug addict.
Sidenote: I’m still waiting to hear from CBS about hiring me for the show, and then calling it, ‘One Man, A Half Man, and A Homo’.
I smell Emmy!
Dina Lohan, Mom Of The Year, says that her daughter, pill-popping, chain-smoking, vodka-swilling, car-stealing, rehab-going, jail-living, Lindsay, never had any intention of agreeing to a plea deal and accepting guilt for allegedly stealing a $2,500 necklace from a Venice Beach jeweler.
Lindsay’s attorney, Shawn Holley, kept on speed dial on every single Lohan phone, you know, just in case, has formally notified the LA District Attorney, and Judge Keith Schwartz, that Lindsay stomped her feet and said, “No deal! Now, let’s go clubbing!”
Dina said her daughter never even entertained the idea of copping a plea. Which is true, because the only thing Lindsay ever entertained was a martini in a sippy cup. Dina says: “She was never going to plead guilty to a crime she didn’t commit. All along Lindsay has never wavered regarding her innocence.”
Lindsay never wavered, because she doesn’t know what that means, All she knows, is that Mama Dina needs a new pair of shoes, and how’s she gonna get them if her meal ticket is in jail?
How else can you explain the fact that Dina Lohan, with a straight face, thanks to Botox and Ketel One, actually said: “I saw the entire security tape, and it showed the necklace clearly being loaned to Lindsay. The jewelry store’s only motivation was for publicity and profit.”
Um, wow, Dina? Please to explain, how, if the necklace was clearly being loaned to Lindsay, she didn’t bother to return it until the police got involved?
I don’t know which is worse, the junkie jewel thief daughter, or the fame-whoring, living off my child mother.
Oh, this just screams trainwreck!
Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina, just might be getting her own reality show.
Train…followed quickly by….wreck.
With rumors of drug addiction–Crack is wack–and a sex tape–How else am I gonna get famous–flying, the teenager might be laying her life bare on the small screen; Bobbi K even Tweeted the news.
“PS EVERYONE ! Guess what ?! _ we are currently in the process of meetings about starting my very OWN! RealityShow!!”
I mean, she did see Bobby and Whitney’s reality show, didn’t she? She saw how they came off as a couple of drug addicted hoarders, right/ She saw the fights, the arrests, the craziness fueled by all sorts of drugs, didn’t she?
And she wants to do that, too.
Like Mama and Daddy, crazy don’t fall far from the tree.
Bobbi K then sent another Tweet: “The world needs 2know me 4who I REALLY am_ U all will get 2see my everyday living_ walk with me thro startin my career. . EVERYTHING.”
Walk me thro startin’ my career.
I have an idea, maybe in one episode, Bobbi K takes a spelling class.
‘Dancing With The Stars’
But, you know, with Kirstie Alley and her own special brand of wackadoo, it might be fun, if only for the feuds it starts.
It seems that Kirstie has struck back at late night host George Lopez on Twitter, after GLo likened Alley to a pig in a bit on his show.
Someone called WestCoastGal88 tweeted to Alley, “If you read my stream — I just called George Lopez a PIG :)”
Alley quickly responded: “lol…a drunk pig…hehe.”
This all started when Lopez made Alley the butt of a weight joke on Tuesday’s Lopez Tonight: “She did a nice job. Her little hooves tapping away.” He then did a riff on the nursery rhyme, This Little Piggy Goes to Market, saying, “Before the show she went to the market. And then she had roast beef. And this is her going all the way home,” before playing a clip of a pig squealing “wheeeee” while riding in a car.
Not nice, GLo. not nice.
But, um, Kirstie, why you gettin’ so pissy?
I mean, you did make an entire series about your weight when you did your “reality” show, ‘Fat Actress’, didn’t you? If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen, and shut the refrigerator!
Jessica Biel doesn’t let the grass grow under her vah-jay-jay, now, does she?
Roughly six minutes after being devastated that Justin…gay…Timberlake dumped her, Biel was spotted making out with man-whore Gerard Butler.
Wow. talk about an STD cesspool.
Apparently Biel and Butler are shooting a movie together in New Orleans and have become quite the Uglies Bumpers off-set. They were first spotted at a crew member’s birthday party, then, a couple of nights later, they went to get some Mexican food alone, starting drinking heavily, and left together.
Enchiladas + Pitchers of Margaritas = Roll in the hay.
They also had ‘dinner’–insert your own euphemism here: ____–twice more later that week. Of course, both are denying their NoLa hook-up, and their reps are working overtime coming up with a different version of the “just friends” excuse.
A source–and by source, I mean the make-up gal who stands guard while Biel and Butler do the thrust and Moan–says: “They have never had dinner alone. They are always in a crew of people on the film.”
So, it’s group sex, then, eh?
In addition to being stupid–I mean, she carries cocaine in her cooch–and being a fame-whore–she once spent twenty minutes standing in front of an ATM machine because she spotted a camera–Paris Hilton is also ALLEGEDLY a racist.
It seems that the Hilton girls, Paris and the smarter one–which really isn’t saying much, were at a club together–because, what else do they do–getting their jiggy on, when suddenly Paris looked into the camcorder her friend was carrying–because Paris documents every moment of her life so she can tell her gyno who she schtupped–and said: “We’re like two n*****s.”
Oh, but she did–Google it.
I found this shocking, until I learned that LA Weekly has an excerpt from a new book written by Hollywood reporter Neil Straus, who interviewed Paris Skankton when she was 18, and he says this went down:
HILTON: I went out with that guy last night.
STRAUSS: Which guy?
HILTON: (points to an actor in Saving Private Ryan): We were making out, but then we went somewhere where it was bright and I saw that he was black and made an excuse and left. I can’t stand black guys. I would never touch one. It’s gross. (pauses). Does that guy look black to you?
STRAUSS: How black does a guy have to be?
HILTON: One percent is enough for me.
Wow, Paris Hilton.
Cooch full of coke, brain full of mush, and a mouth full of s**t.
You gotta love it when your boyfriend has your back.
Sarah Lane, an American Ballet Theater soloist, was Natalie Portman’s double in ‘Black Swan’. And she gave an interview to Dance Magazine in which she said ‘Swan’ producers, Fox Searchlight, asked her to stop talking to the media. She says the Fox people wanted everybody to think Portman did most of her own dancing.
That must have pissed Sarah off, especially when you add that Natalie never thanked her when she accepted her Oscar, so Sarah Lane is talking again.
But she isn’t getting far, because Natalie’s dance-trainer-choreographer-fiance-and-baby-daddy, Benjamin Millepied, is pirouetting to her defense:
“It was so believable, it was fantastic, that beautiful movement quality. There are articles now talking about her dance double [American Ballet Theatre dancer Sarah Lane] that are making it sound like [Lane] did a lot of the work, but really, she just did the footwork, and the fouettés, and one diagonal [phrase] in the studio. Honestly, 85% of that movie is Natalie.”
Take that, Sarah! And, back to the chorus!
Poor Star Jones.
No one likes her.
Seriously, show of hands: who likes Star?
We all know that on the current season of Donald Trump’s ‘Ego Apprentice’ Star, and ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ dive NeNe Leakes haven’t been getting along. NeNe even went so far as to say that if Star was on fire, she wouldn’t a spit ball her way.
And to pour salt into that wound, NeNe is now hanging around with one of Star’s former flamers, er, flames, and ex-homo-husband, Big Gay Al.
I know! Dee-lish!
A source–and by source I mean NeNe, because who loves to gossip about NeNe more than NeNe–had this to say: “Star thinks it’s pathetic that these two has-beens have teamed up together. NeNe knows how much pain and hurt, that man caused Star. For NeNe to suddenly befriend him tells you exactly what sort of woman she really is. Al will do anything to get back into the press, including hanging out with reality stars. But to be getting close and personal with a woman who has publicly stated she wouldn’t spit on your ex-wife if she was on fire is just desperate.”
Poor Star. She marries an ALLEGED homo, tells the world that he is ALLEGEDLY straight, and then dumps him, and now gets all aflame because her ex and her enemy are friends.
I mean, NeNe and Al might be good for each other. Every diva needs a homo to help with make-up tips, and if anyone needs makeup tips, it’s NeNe.
Al? Show her how you do the smokey eye!