Real estate mogul, reality TV celebrity, bad hair and serial bankruptcy filer, Donald Trump has announced he will not be running for president in 2012. In a related story, he did admit he is still considering a run for President of the Hair Club For Men, since he’s already a client.
But Chump, er, Hump, er, Trump, said, in his statement, well, he said a lot of things, so lets listen in, and I’ll make snide remarks as we go:
“After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the Presidency. This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country.”
Um, Donald, being tied for fifth place with Ron Paul is not the TOP of the polls, unless you’re reading them upside down.
“I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election.”
So, you could win the nomination and the election, but you won’t run? Really, Donny?
“I want to personally thank the millions of Americans who have joined the various Trump grassroots movements and written me letters and e-mails encouraging me to run. My gratitude for your faith and trust in me could never be expressed properly in words.”
Sorry, Teabaggers, I care more about my wallet than I do yours.
“I will continue to voice my opinions loudly and help to shape our politician’s thoughts. My ability to bring important economic and foreign policy issues to the forefront of the national dialogue is perhaps my greatest asset and one of the most valuable services I can provide to this country.”
In other words, though I could run and win, I won’t do it, but I also won’t shut my mouth, because when I speak, people listen, but not if I’m president.
“I will continue to push our President and the country’s policy makers to address the dire challenges arising from our unsustainable debt structure and increasing lack of global competitiveness….including getting tough on China and other countries that are methodically and systematically taking advantage of the United States, were seldom mentioned before I brought them to the forefront of the country’s conversation.”
Yeah, Donny, no one was talking about China until you brought it up.
Keep strokin’ that ego, Chump, er, Hump, er, Trump, but rest assured that though you had scads of followers the chances of you getting elected to any public office higher than dog catcher were minimal, at best.
Now, be gone, before someone drops a house on you.