Category Archives: Andy Dick

>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But……..

>I’m not an expert, but having babies must be hard, so I, for one, would wanna knock back a shot of tequila or two after poppin’ out a Mini Me, much less two Mini Me’s.

So that’s apparently what happened with Mariah Carey after she gave birth to her her two Mini Mimi’s, AKA Monroe and Moroccan on April 30.
Sidenote: Monroe is the girl? Moroccan is a boy? What happened to Mike and Sue? This makes Apple sound almost normal, and there ain’t nothin’ normal about Paltrow, m’kay?
Anyhoo, back to Nick and MooMoo, er, Mimi, er, Mariah, and their bundles of badly named babies. It seems that, while in the hospital, someone called Child Protective Services on the Nick and Mariah Carey.
Yes, I know, the last name is technically Cannon, but you know darn well that folks call him Mr. Carey and Mimi loves that.
But about that CPS call. Nick told Piers Morgan that “Child Protective Services actually came to me, [and] said that they were here to see me because there had been allegations that there was drug and alcohol use during the stay in the hospital.”
Nick began the spin.
He said it was all a mistake because someone involved in Carey’s care was overheard discussing a beer that ALLEGEDLY boosts breast milk production. But, um, we all know how Mimi loves her champagne–in fact, I thought she dubbed the offspring Dom and Veuve–so I wonder if Mimi was sippin’ on the bubbly after spitting out the spuds.
Just sayin’.

You know, if you’re an up-and-coming starlet or singer or dancer, or whatever it is that Ali Lohan thinks she wants to be today, you try to emulate someone who’s gone before you and achieved success. You find a role model and say, “I wanna be like that.” Then again, if you’re Ali Lohan, who exactly do you have to look up to, if you get my meaning.

You can become a media whore like your mama, selling your children to the highest bidder and then championing them as they fight arrest after arrest and enter rehab like it’s a summer holiday. Or, you can try to reinvent yourself as your sister, who’s been accused of everything from car theft to possession of drugs to kidnapping to jewel theft to drug possession to being drunk in public to being a really bad actress.
Yup, those two are the women to whom Ali Lohan aspires to be.
It seems Ali joined the Star Tattoo club, and is the latest female Lohan, after Dina and Lindsanity, to get a star tattooed on her left wrist.
Nice, I guess, but it also marks another Ali-Lindsay link: doing something illegal. See, 17-year-old Ali lives in California where it’s illegal to get inked if you’re under eighteen, even with a parent’s–I giggle, because Dina is so not a parent–consent..
Ali has tried her whole life to be Lindsay Jr. She began modeling as a baby, appeared in her big sister’s music–I giggle because Lindsay can’t sing–videos, and even tried her hand at being a singer herself. And ALLEGEDLY this wee star tattoo isn’t Ali’s first one. There are reports that she has the same ‘bella vita’ tat on her back that Lindsay has on hers.
Next up? A jailhouse tat like her sister.

Even actresses can get a little litigious.
Case in point: Rosie Perez says she was injured on the set of ‘Law & Order: SVU’ way back in 2009 and now she’s taking legal action against the NBC show.
It seems Rosie was filming a guest role on the hit New York City-based crime drama when a scene called for an extra to forcibly shake her. Now, Rosie says the violent action caused her to suffer a herniated disc which took two surgeries to correct.
And she wants cash, only she doesn’t have a clue as to how much.
Still, she says the shaking should have been done by a stuntman who knows how to handle these things and not just some no-named extra on-set that day. Perez’s lawyer Brian O’Dwyer, says, “This person was not a stuntman, he was just an extra.”
Trouble is, even after being injured Perez continued to work on the show, and now claims her injuries have worsened. O’Dwyer says, “There was pressure on her to continue and finish up the episode and she did.”
I like me some Rosie Perez, but I have trouble with this. You get hurt at work, and say nothing ALLEGEDLY, and then continue to work, and then you sue for your injuries, without naming a specific amount of money. You just say you want “very substantial” damages.
Perez underwent two surgeries to correct the problem, and O’Dwyer says “She’s still suffering severe pain, numbness of the arms, and she’ll never be the same despite the surgery.” He also says that the injury caused her to be unable to work for almost a year.
Now, again, I love Rosie, but it isn’t like she’s the in-demand actress, like say, a Jennifer Love Hewitt–who always seems to find a job–and again: You get hurt at work, stop working. You want to sue because you got hurt, how about suing only for your out of pocket medical bills.
I mean, to say you don’t know how much money you want makes me think this is all about a payday.

It’s the American idol Also-Ran Feud.
Former American Idol contestants Adam Lambert and James Durbin–neither of whom won the title–are trading jabs at one another in the press.

After James Durbin was voted off last week in the most shocking elimination in all of Idol history–I kid, because that title goes to the year JHud was voted off–Adam Lambert took issue with Durbin. In fact, he said he was tiring of Durbin as the competition wound down: “I think he’s got talent and passion 100 percent, but I feel like he’s trying way too hard. Also, his niche is so limited with the metal. When he did that “Heavy Metal” song (by Sammy Hagar), James was note-perfect. He was on pitch, which is usually kind of an issue, and I think he sounded really good, but it felt like a copycat. I didn’t feel like I was seeing an original artist yet. And I’m not saying he doesn’t have that in him, but it hasn’t been showing.”
Oh dear! The leather gloves have come off.
See, when Durbin heard this news, he responded to MTV with: “I was nothing (but) nice to that guy, [and] he decided to take it to a different level. Whatever.”
Whatever? I think Durbin needs some debating skills, rather than fall back on the all-encompassing ‘whatever’. But he did try and distance himself from Lambert: “I don’t know what the comparison’s all about. He sings pop and electronic, and I sing rock and metal.”
And Lambert has a Grammy nod and you don’t
And he has a hit record and you don’t.
And he has a record deal and you don’t
And he kissed a guy on TV.
Just sayin’.

Those wacky Grammers.
They’ve been so quiet since Kelsey quickly divorced former porn-star-turned-exotic-dancer-turned-Beverly-Hills-Housewife-turned-ex-wife so he could marry a women a few months older than his oldest daughter, that I thought all was lovely-dovey between the former spouses.
Not so much.

Kelsey Grammer just filed for sole physical custody of their two young children.
Camille responded with, How dare he! I’m their mother. No one loves that girl, Mary? Margaret? Whatever? than me. And that little boy, the younger one right? I love him with all my heart. In fact, I see them for lunch every other Thursday.
But now Kelsey Grammer believes that his children–and, Camille? They’re names are Mason and Jude, so you might wanna jot than down–have been caught in the middle of an emotional tug of war between Former Missus Grammer, Mister Grammer, and Current Missus Grammer.
Kelsey, though, might have a hard time convincing a judge he should have sole custody. The children live in LA with their mother, while he lives in Chicago with the Fourth Missus…or Fifth? In fact, to be fair, Camille wanted to split custody, but that’s hard when you live 2,000 miles apart.
How does Dad pick them up after school? In a Lear jet landing on the football field?

Hell hath no fury like a woman, or Charlie Sheen, scorned.
He has taken about a nanosecond to mock the decision to replace him on ‘Two and a Half Men’ with Ashton Kutcher. He has called the ‘That ’70s Show’ alum a “sweetheart” but says the choice will bring the show down.

Really? I don’t know if I buy that, because for years, drugs and hookers and rehab and bad press didn’t bring the show down.
A friend of Charlie’s–and by friend I mean coke-smuggling-porn-star–says, “He really thought that he would be invited back. After years of suffering no consequences for his behavior, why would he think anything else? Finally it has sunk in that he doesn’t live by different rules to everyone else. Actions do have a consequences.”
For his part, Ashton, while doing cartwheels and planning on how to spend his weekly five-figure salary, has been polite, saying “I can’t replace Charlie Sheen but I’m going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people!”
Of course, drug-and-bipolar-fueled Charlie responded with, “Ashton Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer. Oh wait, so am I!! Enjoy the show America, Enjoy seeing 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB. Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there.”
Yeah, it sounds like he’s really trying to get his job back.

Andy Dick used to be a TV star.
Now he stars in mug shots and bad press.

The latest shocker? Andy Dick is in trouble again for ALLEGEDLY crossing the line with a comedy fan down in Texas, who says, in a lawsuit, of course, that, during a show, Dick took out his dick, and put it on the man’s head.
Andy Dick. Dick. Dickhead.
Just wanted to get them all out.
Robert Tucker, who filed his suit this week in Dallas County, says that back in December, he went to see Andy Dick’s live comedy show, but wasn’t at all entertained. He ALLEGES that the comedian was singing in a blond wig, black camisole and loose red skirt, and then came off-stage to mingle with the crowd. That’s when the Dick’s dick appeared.
It seems that Tucker, who stated the show wasn’t very good, asked Andy Dick for an autograph while Dick was in the crowd, and, ALLEGEDLY, the comic replied to Tucker’s request by sidling up close and kneeling on a tall bar stool, before opening the skirt, reveling that he was going commando, and then gently laid his genitals on Tucker’s head.
Andy’s Dick Dickhead.
The lawsuit explains: “Defendant Dick then, while still controlling Plaintiff’s head with his hand, forced his genitals against the left side of Plaintiff’s face.” Tucker’s lawsuit cites defamation of conduct and infliction of emotional distress, and seeks unspecified damages, or, at the very least, a phone call from Dick.
And flowers. Flowers would be nice.



Filed under Adam Lambert, Ali Lohan, Andy Dick, Camille Grammer, Charlie Sheen, James Durbin, Kelsey Grammer, Mariah Carey, Rosie Perez

>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But…………..

>Oh, Lindsay, first the Mob Daughter says ‘No’ to you portraying her onscreen, and now Stevie Nicks has given you the middle finger, too.
Glenn Beck loves to shoot his mouth off, mostly without thinking. And he loves to stir the pot, making up stories about people, and where they’re born and what religion they practice and such.

For a long time the wacktress has expressed interest in portraying Stevie Nicks in a movie of the songbird’s life, but the Fleetwood Mac singer not-so-ALLEGEDLY made it quite clear that that she will not let this happen until Lindsay cleans up her act.
And this is straight from the mouth of La Nicks: “That’s never going to happen unless she cleans up her life and becomes the great actress I feel she can be. Everybody thinks I hate her, and it’s not that at all. I just want her to get it together. I was completely messed up for a long time and I got it together. She’s a very talented girl… If she could get it together, she could have a really big career and she could do great things.”
But first she’ll have to give up the pills and the booze and the stealing of things that don’t belong to her; not to mention the DUIs, the kidnapping, the car theft, the rehab, the jail time.
 Yeah, I don’t see this movie happening anytime soon.

Now, Beck has created a feud where there once was none,m with the band My Chemical Romance.

And it all started because of Glee.
Beck apparently got his granny panties in a twist when My Chemical Romance song, ‘Sing’ was performed on the hit show. He then took it upon himself to warn all parents that their children could be watching damaging material and that “our whole culture … is set up for you and the values you grew up on to lose.”
He begged parents to pay attention to the lyrics: “This is propaganda … It’s an anthem saying ‘Join us.’ How can you and I possibly win against that?”
A song that asks you to ‘Join us’ sung on a TV show about a high school glee club and it’s the beginning the end.
I’d say, Oh how the mighty have fallen, but then Beck was never mighty, except in his own head.
And the song in question that wants the children of America to join My Chemical Romance? Well, it isn’t propaganda, it’s actually a re-recording of an old song, released to raise money for the Red Cross’ efforts in earthquake-ravaged Japan.
How dangerous.
My Chemical Romance lead singer, Gerard Way, says: “I think the word Glenn Beck was looking for was ‘subversion’ not ‘propaganda,’ because I don’t know what [the lyrics] would be considered propaganda for? Truth? Sentiment? And I can’t tell what he’s angrier about, the fact that it’s how I feel about the persistent sterilization of our culture, or the fact that it’s on network television for everyone to hear.”
And then Way makes note of the fact that Beck has misquoted the actual lyrics, replacing the term “webways” with “railways.”
Gerard Way: “…Railways? Is it 1863? Seen any children living on these lately instead of the Internet? I’m actually shocked that no actual fact-checking was done on the lyrics. I mean, Fox is a major news channel, covering factual topics in an unbiased and intelligent … oh wait.”
Never mind.
Glenn Beck’s TV career ends in the coming months. And not a moment too soon.

What a dick.

Andy Dick, that is.
The comic[?] was arrested at a Temecula, California restaurant the other night for, as police put it, acting disorderly, ALLEGEDLY under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.
This comes on the heels of Dick’s appearance on Marc Maron’s WTF Podcast last week, in which Dick said he was about to embark on a long booze-free period in his life: “There’s been times when I haven’t drank for three years in a row … Right now, I know I’m in a very long stretch of complete abstinence and sobriety.”
Oops. Never mind.
Dick has also admitted that he’s been to rehab eleven times. fingers crossed for Time Number Twelve.

Who will it be?

Who will be the last guest on the last episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show.
It has to be someone of superstar status. it has to be someone Oprah admires. it has to be someone whom Oprah finds the most fascinating person in the entire world, and the only person worthy of making TV history by being the Big O’s final guest.
Who will it be?
Well, sources–and by sources, I mean the team of cake wranglers who keep Oprah in pastries–say the final big-name-greatest-person-ever-in-the-whole-wide-world to be interviewed by Oprah will be……………………………………………………..Oprah.
An insider, who ALLEGEDLY has his lips permanently attached to Winfrey ass, says, “How can one celebrity possibly sum up 25 years of such a groundbreaking show? Who could possibility come on the show and represent everything Oprah has done” from celebrity interviews, to human-interest stories to politics to women’s issues to breaking news. She’s done it all, my source says, and “only one person could do that and that is Oprah herself.”
Well, if Oprah interviews Oprah, they’ll need to get two big-assed chairs in the studio, and teams and teams of men to hold up both of those big fat ego-filled heads.

‘The Tudors’ star Jonathan Rhys Meyers, or as i like to think of him, Britain’s Lindsay Lohan, has checked into rehab, again, for alcohol addiction.

In fact, rumor has it that the 33-year-old actor spent 10 days at a London clinic last month.
Then he left because he had to go to work. And then stop off at the pub for a pint.
This is ALLEGEDLY Meyers’ fourth stint at rehab. It’s like he and Lindsay are in a race, though he doesn’t seem keen on adding jewel theft and kidnapping to his resume, as Lohan does.
It’s been just a year since Rhys Meyers last sought help for his alcohol addiction. That rehab stint came on the heels of his ALLEGEDLY abusing airport staff after they banned him from getting on a flight while intoxicated.
Meyers was also previously arrested in 2007 at the Dublin Airport for being drunk and disturbing the peace, though the charges were later dropped.
He was also detained by police in June 2009 at the Charles De Gaulle Airport in Paris after allegedly assaulting an employee at a bar while drunk.
The incident last year, though, was what ALLEGEDLY caused his long-term girlfriend, Reena Hammer, to say, “Check into rehab or I’m dumping you.”
I think he must have taken that for, Check yourself into rehab, but then start drinking again once you come out.

Oh, Jesse James.

You married America’s Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock. Then you fucked around on her and got caught, and became The Biggest Loser. And you’ve spent the last couple of years trying to atone for your ways, asking for forgiveness, saying you still love Sandra.
You have a funny way of showing it, pal.
Jesse James recently told Howard Stern that Kat Von D outperforms Sandra Bullock in the bedroom by 100 fold.
Yeah, that’ll win her back.
And this comes after his last interview where he says he secretly wanted to get caught schtupping anything and everything, including the tattooed Nazi girl, during his marriage with Bullock: “I think I wanted to get caught. It was me trying to self sabotage my life.”Then he cries when talking about the son he and Bullock wanted to adopt; the son Bullock adopted on her own after he cheated. “I could cry so much about [Louis] until I have to suck it up and keep a stiff upper lip and realize, hey, [there are] three kids that I do have … I’ve never seen Louis since everything.”
And you think you should be able to see him? You cheat on his mommy and then publicly announce that you’ve found a better lay, and that should entitle you to some sort of relationship with her son?
Oh, honey. No.

If at first you don’t succeed, make your first husband your third husband.

Marie Osmond has remarried ex-husband Stephen Craig. They were initially married from 1982 to 1985 and have a son. Osmond then married music producer Brian Blosil in 1986, and then divorced him in 2007. That marriage brought Osmond seven children–two biological and five adopted.
Osmond, who cited severe mental cruelty when she divorced Craig twenty-five years ago–though they have remained friendly–now says, “I am so happy and look forward to sharing my life with Stephen, who is an amazing man as well as a great father to my children.”
This news comes a little more than a year after Osmond’s 18-year-old son, Michael Blosil, committed suicide. Rumors of Marie and Stephen remarrying began circulating back then, The re-newlyweds chose May 4 to commemorate the birthdays of both her deceased son and late mother. “It was important that both Michael and my mom were with us on this special day,” Osmond says.
Nice, I guess.
The Mormons don’t want the gays to marry, but I guess Mormons can marry, and divorce, and marry again, and divorce again, and then remarry their first spouse.
They don’t want gays to even marry once.


Filed under Andy Dick, Glenn Beck, Jesse James, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Lindsay Lohan, Marie Osmond, Oprah Winfrey, Stevie Nicks

>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But……Mugshot Edition

>Charlie Sheen is at it again.

While he is known as a Hollywood bad boy, it was his recent activities in New York City that have everyone buzzing.
Sheen, who was in town with exwife Denise Richards and their daughters Sam and Lola, ALLEGEDLY trashed his suite at The Plaza Hotel one night this week when he realized his wallet was missing. The ensuing ruckus and fuss lead security to Sheen’s room.
And when the authorities did arrive, at around 2 AM Tuesday morning, they discovered a naked and drunk Charlie Sheen in a badly damaged room. Police described Sheen as “emotionally disturbed” when they found him.
He was subsequently admitted to New York Hospital, accompanied by his exwife.
Adding a more salacious note to this story, if that’s possible, a source–and by source I mean hotel hooker–claims that Sheen was, ahem, entertaining an escort in his room at the time of the disturbance. The source says: “She was fearing for her life and was naked. Charlie was incoherent but started screaming slurs at the cops.”
Sheen, who checked himself into rehab as a “preventative measure” in early 2010, also ALLEGEDLY accepted the treatment in lieu of jail time for brandishing a knife at former wife, Brooke Mueller, just last December.
Someone needs to be locked up this time.
Mel Gibson is thinking of another Apology Tour, like the one he took after his DUI arrest, and anti-Semitic rant of a few years back.
This seems to be the result of the fact that the cast and crew of ‘The Hangover 2’ wanted nothing to do with Mel Gibson, who was set to cameo in the film, and his part was subsequently cut out.
So, seeing that his wallet may now be taking a hit, sources–and by sources, I mean the people who keep his mouth taped shut and all phones out of his reach–are saying that Melvin will do a sit-down interview and apologize again for being a douchebag: “Since the second the tapes were released, every media outlet has been contacting Mel’s people asking for an interview. Now, after months of silence, Mel has finally realized if he doesn’t say something really soon it might be too late. The days of burying his head in the sand hoping this whole ugly mess goes away are over.”
So, who should Melvin sit down with? Oprah? Hmm, his misogyny won’t play well with her audience. Barbara Walters? Hmm, the fact that she’s Jewish might be an obstacle. Jay Leno? Hmm, talking to a comic would not be funny.

Melvin, however, seems intent on talking to a man, since his interview with Diane Sawyer after his anti-Semitic didn’t go so well for him. It seems that gives Matt Lauer a leg up, and Lauer is quite the media whore so he may just sell his soul to interview Gibson.

Oh, Lindsay! Even when it looks like it’s going good for you, it really isn’t.
One would think that La Lohan would be happy as a cokewhore in Colombia since the judge decided to keep her rehab and out of jail….this time. But sources–and by sources, i mean the guy who helps Lindsay knit potholders in rehab–say Lindsay is anything but happy these days.
Well sure, i mean this is party season in LA and she’s stuck finger-painting and listening to Dina rant about activist judges and poor little girls.

But what really makes her unhappy is her rapidly depleting bank account. It seems that drug addict and criminal, Lohan, will need to find a to help cover her bill at the Betty Ford Center.
The source says: “Lindsay can’t afford to pay for treatment. Three months at the facility will cost her almost $50,000, which she doesn’t have.”

Man, if she’d just skipped that last coke binge, you know, the one that got her arrested again and sent back to rehab again, she might have had the 50K.

Lohan, who is used to living the high life–pun intended–asking for free clothes and free dinners and free admittance to the latest drug party, doesn’t seem to have it in her to ask someone to pay for her rehab.

Her ‘peopele’–and by ‘perople,’ I mean, famewhoring mother, Dina Lohan, the root of all that is wrong with Lindsay Lohan–tried and failed to sell her first post rehab interview for big bucks, so her only option now is to find some sort of sponsor.

Um, yeah, good luck with that.
Although….maybe if I made some “Save Lohan” t-shirts, I could help her…..Nah.
Let her find a cheaper rehab.

Speaking of rehab:

Comedian Andy Dick chose to appear on Celebrity Rehab to fight his addictions to drugs and alcohol, and, well, the rahb doesn’t seem to be sticking.
Dick was up to his old, er, tircks in Hollywood this week when he ALLEGEDLY drunkenly flashed his, well, dick, at patrons of the Cafe Audrey Coffee House.
An onlooker–who got a glimpse of Dick’s dick–says the comnedian was sitting with friends when he suddenly kissed one of his male companions on the mouth, exposed the aforementioned gentials, and then “staggered down the street, making quite the commotion.”
Yes, folks, even in Hollywood, the sight of a D-list actor being drunk and naked can cause a commotion.
Of course, this isn’t Dick’s first time to show off. He also exposed himself at a Fourth of July party over the summer, ALLEGEDLY idecalring his independence from clothing. And he has been arrested twice for unwarranted sexual advances to both men and women,
Maybe Dick ought to get to a rehab that isn’t a TV show.


Filed under Andy Dick, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson