Category Archives: Bob

>Light Posting Ahead

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Carlos and I are off for a weekend in Atlanta, so, except for a few preplanned funny, gossipy, catty, cartoony posts, I won’t be around this weekend. But I will say Hello to Patti LuPone for ya’ll, though.
See ya next week, and play nice!

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Filed under Atlanta, Bob, Carlos, Patti LuPone

>Our Newest "American Idol"

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Here’s your winner……
Oops. That’s not him, this is him…….
Po-TAY-to. Po-TAH-to.

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Filed under American Idol, Bob, Funny

>Be Gone Oprah

>I don’t know why I did it, but I watched the last three Oprah Shows. Perhaps it was out of fear that this was all some colossal joke and she wasn’t leaving after all, i don’t know. But there I was, watching a DVRd Oprah Finale.

Thank god for the DVR so I could fast forward through the awkward parts; and by awkward, I mean Tom Cruise, who always looks so ill-at-ease whenever he’s being Tom Cruise and not some mortal-man-saving-the-planet.

Awkward.

And Steadman. Oprah even pulled Steadman out of the crate where she keeps him and he gave a speech; a great big rambling incoherent speech which proved he doesn’t really know Oprah at all. The only one who truly knows Oprah is Gayle, and why she chose a fuchsia sausage casing as a dress is beyond me.

But Oprah was Oprah, always commenting on everything that was going on rather than sitting back and enjoying the salute. And repeating everything three or four times. i swear, if you could go back and re-edit all the tapes of the last 25 years and cut out every single time she repeats herself, you probably have about seven years of shows.

And, naturally, whenever she cried, which was often, she gave a look to one of the cameras so we could all feel her emotion.See, Oprah know her audience doesn’t really feel anything until she tells them how to feel.

Then there was the last episode, where Oprah paced about the stage and talked about Oprah and the Oprah Show. Talk about awkward. She even said something about her father’s single sperm making it to her mother’s egg during that one time they had sex under the tree and the result being…….Oprah.

Awkward.

And, except for one brief moment where she reminded us that the Oprah Show wasn’t always about doing better, being better, looking better, spiritual mumbo jumbo, but that it was one of those tacky tabloid shows where DNA tests were mentioned and adulterous husbands were outed, Oprah painted herself as our savior.

Thanks O, but no thanks.

But I think what galled me most was her incessant thanking of ‘us’ for letting her come into our lives and teach us. It made me think that, as my guests left the Cinco de Never party, I should have said, “Thank you for letting me do all of this for you.”

As I’ve always said, the Oprah Show is about Oprah, and nothing else. And now millions of women, and a few men, I’m guessing, will be sitting in front of their TVs every afternoon wondering what they’re gonna do with their days and their lives.

Now, before all you Oprah-nuts come out of the woodwork and rage at me because you have nothing to do now that she’s gone, let me say this simply; Yes, Oprah did good things. She helped people in need. She told us it was okay to read, although some of us, like me, were reading long before Oprah say it was one of her Favorite Things. She gave money to worthy causes and built a school in Africa–though I wondered why she didn’t want to build a “leadership academy’ in, say, Chicago. See, Oprah was always about trying to do better and be better, but seemed to be missing the mark herself.

As someone much wiser than me [Hi Froggy] once said–and I’m paraphrasing: For someone who spends so much time telling people happy, she doesn’t seem very happy.

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Filed under Bob, Oprah Winfrey, Rant

>Be Gone Oprah

>I don’t know why I did it, but I watched the last three Oprah Shows. Perhaps it was out of fear that this was all some colossal joke and she wasn’t leaving after all, i don’t know. But there I was, watching a DVRd Oprah Finale.

Thank god for the DVR so I could fast forward through the awkward parts; and by awkward, I mean Tom Cruise, who always looks so ill-at-ease whenever he’s being Tom Cruise and not some mortal-man-saving-the-planet.

Awkward.

And Steadman. Oprah even pulled Steadman out of the crate where she keeps him and he gave a speech; a great big rambling incoherent speech which proved he doesn’t really know Oprah at all. The only one who truly knows Oprah is Gayle, and why she chose a fuchsia sausage casing as a dress is beyond me.

But Oprah was Oprah, always commenting on everything that was going on rather than sitting back and enjoying the salute. And repeating everything three or four times. i swear, if you could go back and re-edit all the tapes of the last 25 years and cut out every single time she repeats herself, you probably have about seven years of shows.

And, naturally, whenever she cried, which was often, she gave a look to one of the cameras so we could all feel her emotion.See, Oprah know her audience doesn’t really feel anything until she tells them how to feel.

Then there was the last episode, where Oprah paced about the stage and talked about Oprah and the Oprah Show. Talk about awkward. She even said something about her father’s single sperm making it to her mother’s egg during that one time they had sex under the tree and the result being…….Oprah.

Awkward.

And, except for one brief moment where she reminded us that the Oprah Show wasn’t always about doing better, being better, looking better, spiritual mumbo jumbo, but that it was one of those tacky tabloid shows where DNA tests were mentioned and adulterous husbands were outed, Oprah painted herself as our savior.

Thanks O, but no thanks.

But I think what galled me most was her incessant thanking of ‘us’ for letting her come into our lives and teach us. It made me think that, as my guests left the Cinco de Never party, I should have said, “Thank you for letting me do all of this for you.”

As I’ve always said, the Oprah Show is about Oprah, and nothing else. And now millions of women, and a few men, I’m guessing, will be sitting in front of their TVs every afternoon wondering what they’re gonna do with their days and their lives.

Now, before all you Oprah-nuts come out of the woodwork and rage at me because you have nothing to do now that she’s gone, let me say this simply; Yes, Oprah did good things. She helped people in need. She told us it was okay to read, although some of us, like me, were reading long before Oprah say it was one of her Favorite Things. She gave money to worthy causes and built a school in Africa–though I wondered why she didn’t want to build a “leadership academy’ in, say, Chicago. See, Oprah was always about trying to do better and be better, but seemed to be missing the mark herself.

As someone much wiser than me [Hi Froggy] once said–and I’m paraphrasing: For someone who spends so much time telling people happy, she doesn’t seem very happy.

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Filed under Bob, Oprah Winfrey, Rant

>I Didn’t Get Raptured As Much As I Got Sangria’d…

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…which, in my mind, at least, is a much better thing.

Our Second Annual Cinco de Never Again Party was quite the success. The name of the party, Cinco de Never, comes from a few years back, when a group of friends had gathered somewhere and Carlos announced to the group–without my knowledge–that he wanted to have a Cinco de Mayo party and make some traditional Mexican food. Everyone was keen on the idea and then….it never happened. Carlos simply forgot all about it.

Cut to the following year and someone asked me if Carlos was going to come through with his Cinco de Mayo party and I replied, “Make it Cinco de Never cuz it’s never gonna happen.” And a tradition was born.

The first CdN was last year and quite successful, and this year was more of the same. I loaded up on Tequila and beer and wine and Tequila, while Carlos made Tamales, Pollo con Poblanos and Marinated Flank Steak with Grilled Onions. He also made Coffee Flan and Coconut Flan. I made a Pinto Bean and Corn Salad with Cumin-Lime Vinaigrette, Salmon Ceviche with Peaches and Jalapenos, Shrimp Ceviche with Spanish Olives and Capers, and, together Carlos and I made 75 Chalupas with Chorizo and Queso Fresco.

It was crazy, er, loco.

And then I found a recipe for Sangria, which called for Hibiscus Water, which is a traditional Mexican beverage and something Carlos had as a kid. You take dried Hibiscus flowers and boil them into a kind of tart–think really tart lemonade–beverage. You add sugar and drink. Well, I added sugar, six bottles of Chardonnay, a bottle of Brandy a half bottle of Triple Sec and some orange juice and it was nirvana. It made so much and I worried about having too much, but it was the drink of choice on Saturday.

It was, yes, I’m gonna say it, rapturous. All in all, rapturous.

We had nearly thirty people at Chez Smallville, out of the deck and scattered throughout the house. A great blend of good friends who all know one another, and some new friends who fit right in. It was a Sangria-Tamale-Chalupa kinda day. And it was spectacular.

I had such good intentions of taking pictures of the food and the friends and that rapturous Sangria, but then I got Sangria’d and Tamale’d and Chalupa’d and Ceviche’d and forgot all about it. Maybe next year, at Cinco de Never, Numero Tres?

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Filed under Bob, Carlos, Cinco de Never, Party, Smallville

>Light Posting Ahead

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Carlos and i will be having our Second Annual Cinco de Never party this Saturday, so posting will be light, and preplanned, for the next couple of days.

We have Chalupas to fill, and Ceviches to make, and Guacamole and Salsa and Green Chile Salsa, to prep. There are Margaritas to make–and my special Bob-a-rita, too–and Sangria to create, and Flan to bake. There are rooms to clean and dishes to set out and flowers to get and music to ready.

Plus, there’s that whole Rapture thing set up to ruin the day. I friended God on Facebook, and sent him….her[?]…a private message asking that the Rapture be put off for a while since we had planned this day long before the announcement of the End Times was made. I mean, had I known, I would have had the party last weekend.

Anyhoo, I may not get much of a chance to comment over the next couple of days, but I will play catch up after the weekend.

Happy Cinco de Never, y’all!

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Filed under Bob, Carlos, Cinco de Never, Party, Smallville

>Overheard At Work

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Co-worker: Did you see where Oprah interviewed James Frey again today?
Me: No. But didn’t she ream him for lying in his book, and, more importantly, making her look bad, over four years ago?
Co-worker: Yeah, but then she had an epiphany…..
Me: You mean ‘ratings ploy’.
Co-worker: Whatever. She said she was in the shower and she heard a voice telling her to interview him again.
Me: That wasn’t a voice. It was Gayle, scrubbing her back.

And…………………………..scene.

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Filed under Bob, Oprah Winfrey, Overheard At Work, Smallville