>Deja Vu All Over Again

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Well, gang, it looks like we gots us another Bible-Thumping-Gay-Marriage-Hating-Beauty-Queen in California.

Miss Beverly Hills 2010, Lauren Ashley, talked to, oh yeah, who else, FOX News and said:

“The Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman. In Leviticus it says, ‘If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.’ The Bible is pretty black and white. I feel like God himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone. If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that’s a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life.'”

Ashley will be competing for the Miss California title in November, and counts herself as a big fan of Camera Phone and Homemade Video Porn Star Carrie Prejean. She also says she has “no hate” for anybody, even her gay friends, but feels real sad that because if they have sex with each other God wants them dead.

>Foot-In-Mouth-Disease: A Top Five

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It’s almost a given that people will say something stupid, and The Advocate has put together the Top 5 Gay Related Gaffes, Goofs, and Dipshits from the Double 0’s.

Here we go:

NUMBER FIVE: George Michael on cruising the woods and park lands for sex.

“The handful of times a year it’s bloody warm enough, I’ll do it. I’ll do it on a nice summer evening. Quite often there are campfires up there. It’s a much nicer place to get some quick and honest sex than standing in a bar; E’d off your tits shouting at somebody and hoping they want the same thing as you do in bed.”

Um, George, yeah, maybe a little too much information, honey.

NUMBER FOUR: U.S. congressman Barney Frank on the National Equality March.

“I literally don’t understand how [it] will do anything. People are kidding themselves. I don’t want people patting themselves on the back for doing something that is useless.”

I usually agree with Barney, but this time he was waaaay off the mark. The march was widely seen as a success, from galvanizing the LGBT community, from making a show of who we are and what we want, and, maybe, just maybe, it helped with the passage of a piece of legislation I like to call the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act. Plus, marriage equality became the law of the land in Washington, D.C.

Barney? Sometimes a march is more than a march.

NUMBER THREE: The BBC poll.

The BBC, in talking about the proposed Kill The Gays legislation, put up a poll on its web-page under the heading, Should homosexuals face execution?”

After bringing forth the nutjobs and the asshats, and facing the ire of an enraged world community, the BBC changed its question to “Should Uganda debate gay execution?”

The BBC later apologized for its asshattedness and generally stupidity.

NUMBER TWO: GLAAD staement[s] on the Adam Lambert AMA performance brouhaha.

They first said: “After it was announced that ABC decided to cancel appearances by openly gay singer Adam Lambert on Jimmy Kimmel Live and Dick Clark’s ‘New Year’s Rockin’ Eve,’ the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) spoke with ABC today regarding concerns that Adam Lambert was being held to a double standard.”

ABC’s respnse to GLAAD staement: ‘Given the live nature of the American Music Awards, Adam Lambert’s performance, which differed greatly from his rehearsal, caught many, including the network, off guard. This is not a question of Lambert’s sexual orientation. As is evidenced by GLAAD’s media report card, ABC is at the forefront of positive gay and lesbian portrayal on television. We welcome openly gay performers and look forward to continuing our great work within the LGBT community.’
“It would appear that the kiss between Adam Lambert and his keyboardist did not factor into ABC’s decision, ABC has a history of positive gay and transgender inclusion that includes featuring kisses between gay and lesbian couples on-air.”

GLAAD statement number 2: “Since his American Music Awards performance occurred GLAAD has consistently advocated that Adam Lambert and openly gay artists not be held to a double standard. As we have expressed publicly, it is disappointing that ABC will not give Lambert a chance to perform at this time. GLAAD’s discussions with ABC focused on confirming that his sexual orientation was not a factor in their decisions. ABC confirmed this is not about a same-sex kiss or his sexual orientation but about being ‘caught off guard.’ GLAAD asked ABC and calls on them for clarification on ‘caught off guard’ so that the community knows why Lambert is being denied the opportunity to perform on the network.”

GLAAD statement number 3: “We appreciate ABC’s commitment to gay and transgender inclusion in other programming. However, let us be clear that GLAAD remains steadfast in our assertion that Adam Lambert is being subjected to a double standard by ABC as an openly gay performer. We do not support ABC cancelling Adam Lambert’s past and future performances. We urge the community to reach out to ABC and express their concerns that Adam Lambert is being subjected to a double standard.”

Can press releases be schizophrenic? Apparently, yes.

NUMBER ONE: Dethroned Former Miss California Carrie Prejean and Her Magic Digits.

“I was all by myself. I was sending a boyfriend at the time, who I loved and cared about, a video of me. I was a teenager at the time and never did I ever think it would come out.”

Of course, we all know now that this quote where she’s trying to defend her LadyFingers Extravaganza came out just before seven other, more explicit, videos, of The Carrie Prejean and Her Amazing Finger Puppet Show came out.

I love stupid!

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>Decluttering

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We’re still on Tiger and I still don’t care. Maybe when he gets a chance to comment on all of our relationships then we’ll have earned the right to comment on all of his.

***********

Adam Lambert was finally allowed back on ABC. On The View. On tape lest he simulate sex or kiss a dude and like it. What I found interesting, though, was that they still seem to want him to apologize for his performance.
Get over it, ABC. You’re keeping this nonsense alive far longer than it deserves.
And stop with the taped performance crap.
Grow a pair.

************

Kate Gosselin says her kids miss being on TV.

“They cried in the van on the way home from school the other day. I finally admitted to them, they kept asking, ‘Where’s the camera crew? Where’s the camera crew? We miss them.’ And I said, ‘Our show is over.’ …Eight sobbing kids driving home from school.”

Gosh Kate, what a fabulous mom you must be that your children would rather spend time with a camera crew than with their own parents. Perhaps you could shut your yap and quit whining to the press about how hard you have it and just be a goddamned mother.

Fool.

***********

I like Kirstie Alley. Well, I used too. Then she did the reality show , calling herself Fat Actress which she spun off into a Jenny Craig diet spokeswoman gig, but then gained all the weight back so she can now do a reality show about losing the weight……so she can gain it all back in the next reality show….and then lose it all again….and then gain it all back.

Knock it off.

**********

Carrie Prejean has cancelled appearances at Shrine at the MGM Grand at Foxwoods next month because, get this, she refuses to appear between midnight and 2 a.m as it was “in direct conflict with her reputation as a Christian.”

I think it’s more in direct conflict with her Diddling For Jesus Late Night VideoPhone Escapades.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

**********

Mel Gibson’s wife wants half of his $900 million dollar fortune.

Let’s see….she was married to him for almost thirty years, bore him seven children, put up with his alcoholism and his arrest and subsequent anti-Semitic, misogynist tirade, and then saw him, the perfect Catholic that he is, dump her for his pregnant girlfriend.

Hmmmmmmm……I think she oughta go for more than half. I’m thinking 99% is fair.

**********

Someone hurled tomatoes at Sara Palin on her book tour and missed.

Better luck next time. And try sour grapes; she’s more familiar with those.

>The Gay News

> Our top stories, or at least the ones that peaked my interest…..

Gay marriage is illegal in Ohio. Oh, they made certain of that when they voted five years ago to place a same-sex marriage ban in their Constitution; that’s right, their Constitution contains legal discrimination.

But now, Congressman Tyrone Yates, a Democrat from Cincinnati, is proposing a new vote to take it out. This week he introduced a resolution that would eliminate Section 11, Article 15 of the Constitution, an amendment known by supporters as the Defense of Marriage Act.

Defense of marriage? Pfffffft.

And while Yates is trying to fight the good fight, his is an uphill battle. The resolution is expected to fall far short of the three-fifths vote in both houses that it will need to become a ballot issue.

But I applaud Congressman Yates and urge him to keep trying.

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This next story chaps my hide.
The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington D.C. announced on Wednesday that it will be unable to continue the social service programs it runs for the District if the city doesn’t change a proposed same-sex marriage law.

That’s right. The Catholics will take away all the aid, both financial and otherwise, to homeless shelters, adoption agencies, and health care, if the gays in D.C. can get married. see, if marriage equality happens in D.C. the church might then be forced to work with gay people and they won’t have that.

How fucking Christlike. But why else can we expect from a church that pays off victims of child abuse and hides away pedophiles in their own midst.

How dare they call themselves men and women of God, when they seek to punish innocent bystanders because of a law they don’t like?

They can all go to Hell.

And I’m sure they are.

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I saw this story on Wonderman’s blog, but it bears repeating and repeating.

Will Phillips is eleven. He wants to be a lawyer when he grows up. And he knows gay people.

it’s because of his family’s friendships with gay people that Will and his family have become straight allies for the LGBT community. They go to Pride parades, stand up for their LGBT neighbors and are upset that the right to marry and adopt are not available to the gay community.

With all that he’s seen, Will saw a problem with the Pledge of Allegiance.
After asking his parents whether it was against the law not to stand for the pledge, Will decided to act, and on October 5th, when the other kids in his class stood up to recite the pledge of allegiance, he stayed seated. The teacher, a substitute that day, tried to get him to stand, but he refused. And he refused the next day, too.

“She got a lot more angry and raised her voice and brought my mom and my grandma up…I was fuming and was too furious to really pay attention to what she was saying. After a few minutes, I said, ‘With all due respect, ma’am, you can go jump off a bridge.’ ”
He was sent to the principal’s office, who called his mother. And when she learned that her son was being punished for refusing to stand for the pledge–something even the principal admitted was within the boy’s rights–she demanded that the teacher apologize to her son.

The principal did not agree.

Well, word got around about the eleven-year-old Arkansas boy who won’t stand until there is “liberty and justice for all.”

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Meanwhile, on the marriage equality front:

Okay, so we lost in Maine, but we gained a foothold, well, maybe a toehold, in Washington state, and may get equality in New York and D.C. But what about Connecticut? They’ve been a non-discriminatory state for just about a year now, with gay folks saying I do just about everywhere. Did the sky fall? Did a hurricane smite them? Were there boll weevil infestations?

No?

Oh, well then, what did happen?

For one, Matthew Malok and William J. Whitaker III got married in Stratford last year, after 35 years together. Yes, thrity-five years as a couple and they were finally allowed to be recognized as married.

Thank you, Connecticut.

But then the two went back to their hometown, Atlanta, and once again, they were unrecognized. They describe their marriage in Connecticut as an emotional union, though not a legal one in their own state. Too bad, I say, that they don’t take they gay tax dollars and get the hell out of Georgia and move to Connecticut where they can be accepted as legally married.

And theirs isn’t an unusual story. Couples came to Connecticut last year from all over the United States and from around the world. They came to Connecticut to be married, to feel that sense of recognition in at least one place on the planet. Then, sadly, they all went home, where that marriage license really means nothing.

But at least we have Connecticut. And Massachusetts and Iowa and Vermont, and, come January, New Hampshire.

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From the soapbox……

So, there you have it. A lone congressman struggling in Ohio for the rights of the LGBT community. He has a fight on his hands, but, hey, at least he’s fighting for us, right? He’s standing up and demanding that true equality be the right of all the people.

And if that isn’t good enough, we have good Will Phillips. He might be just eleven, but little boys grow up, and little boys, and girls, who take a stand for equality now, will surely be fighting for equality in the future. I have faith in Will Phillips, and I’d be sitting down right next to him during the pledge, too.

Connecticut is a mixed bag, Good for us, that we can marry there, and good for them that they have proven to the asshats and Maggie Gallaghers and Carrie Prejeans and NOMs that marriage equality doesn’t sink anyone into the fiery abyss of Hell. But it’s a shame that that little piece of paper that means so much to people that they are willing to travels sometimes thousands of miles to get, means nothing at all in their own hometown.

And it means nothing because of the Catholic church and their ilk, and their followers. People who do not practice what they preach; who would rather let the unfortunate suffer than allow equality to be the law of the land.

Now, i have nothing against folks who feel their religion is anti-gay marriage. That’s their right; something called freedom of Religion, I think. I even stood up for Carrie Prejean because she was allowed her religious viewpoint; I sat down once she became a hypocritical-porn-star. But she, and all other religions have their rights to believe what they choose.

Just keep your church out of the law.

They don’t go together.

>Beauty Pageant Battle: UPDATED

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So, we’ve all heard the Carrie Prejean saga. She was asked a question by “journalist” Perez Hilton ion which she said she was against gay marriage, and then he took her apart on his blog. Then she began ignoring her duties as Miss California because, as she says, God appointed her to be his spokes-idiot on the subject of gay marriage. Then the good folks over at the Miss California pageant fired little Carrie because she wasn’t fulfilling her duties.

Threats go back and forth.

Innuendo goes back and forth.

Lawsuits are filed.

The Miss California pageant wants Carrie’s boobs back because they paid for them, and even Carrie knows a good Christian girl isn’t considered beautiful without the regulation sized ta-tas. Actually, the pageant just wanted their money back, but it sounds funny the other way.

Well, the group went to mediation and, lo and behold, Carrie Prejean dropped her lawsuit against the Miss California pageant. The pageant will pay about 100K of her legal bills, but she will get no money at all.

Which begs the question: why the big change of heart, Carrie?

Well, it seems that Carrie, good Christian girl that she is, the Supergirl of the Superior People, that bastion of all that is Holy, that promoter of Opposite-Sex Marriage, has a sex tape out there, and the pageant people found it and threatened to release it if Carrie didn’t shut her Barbie Doll yap.

And she did.

I guess Carrie never learned about people who live in Glass Sex Tapes……….

UPDATE:

According to people in the room when the sex tape began playing, Little Miss Prissy Carrie Prejean’s first reaction was “That’s disgusting” until the camera panned up to her face and there was no denying that it was Opposite Sex Marriage Ally Prejean herself.

It took about 15 seconds for Carrie to drop her $1 million dollar demand.

Ya think?

>Quick Bites

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The Old Media Whore is back!

Madonna wins the right to adopt again.

Right on schedule.

Divorce? Check.

Affair with ball player? Check.

Affair with new boy-toy? Check.

Adopt a child from Africa? Check.

What’s she gonna do now for publicity?

________________________________

Carrie Prejean gets fired as Miss California.

Good.

Bye.

Sarah Palin doesn’t like Hollywood/New York entertainer-type people using her children to get press.

That’s what she uses them for.

Begone witch, before someone drops a house on you!

Chastity Bono has begun transitioning to the male gender and will now be known as Chaz.

Good for him.

We should all be allowed to be our authentic selves.

>This’n’That

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Oprah and the chicken.

Oprah. And chicken.

Oprah. She teamed up with KFC, apparently, to give away a two-piece grilled chicken meal. okay, so that’s nice, except you need access to a computer and printer to get the freakin’ coupon.

Oprah? Honey? Yeah, down here, on Earth. Not everyone has access to a computer, especially not the people you say you’re trying to help.

Seriously, are the minions that do her thinking for her on holiday?

But, and this is just a thought. Maybe Oprah is teaming with KFC to give away all that chicken so she won’t be tempted to eat it all herself.

Just sayin’.

__________________________________

Paula Abdul.

Performing.

On American Idol.

Lip-syncing some truly horrendous song and dancing like an old blind woman who fell out of her walker and is trying to find it again.

Seriously, Paula, it was like watching Britney’s grandma perform.

It isn’t the 1890s (and that is not a typo) anymore. Your time has, thankfully, come and gone.

__________________________________

Amanda, I don’t know her last name so I’ll call her by her Native American name, Amanda Whitetrash Poledancer, on Make Me A Supermodel, who says she walks around her house nude so her son can see and won’t turn out gay.

Believe me, honey, the sight of your skinny-ass-flabby-body-and-pancake-breasts would turn anyone off women.

Go away. Before someone drops a house on you.

____________________________________

Perez Hilton is the new spokesman for the gay community?

Really?

If I could, I’d turn in my toaster oven and go back to being straight–‘cuz you all know, it’s easy like that.

Perez Hilton is taking this Carrie Prejean crap too far and showing up everywhere as the expert on gay marriage and equality. But he isn’t.

He’s a fame-whore who is using this issue to put his face out there.

He called Prejean a dumb bitch for her statements?

Back ‘atcha, Perez.

________________________________

The Fashion Show.

I know, I know, we’re all waiting for the David Dust recap, but I gotta say I was less than impressed. There’s all kinda crazy on that show, which is good, except some of this crazy ain’t the real crazy, it’s TV crazy. And I do loves me some Isaac Mizrahi, but Kelly Rowland is a fashion expert?

Since when does being one of Beyonce’s back-up singers and attending fashion shows make you an expert?

Plus, she’s kind of a bitch….and not in a good way.

____________________________________

Paris Hilton.

Lindsey Lohan.

That’s all.

>Fake Boobs and Nudie Pics

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I swear I thought this story would wither and die the death it deserves, but it keeps going and going and……Carrie Prejean, who is within her rights to be antigay marriage, has been riding the Fifteen Minutes of Fame Bus for far too long. Somebody ring the bell and kick this bitch to the curb.

Nudie pictures of the allegedly-soon-to-be-crownless Miss California have reportedly surfaced and Carrie, because she’ll comment on anything–I mean, seriously, I think she released a statement yesterday about how the Santa Ana winds are mocking her Christian values–said this:

“On April 19, I chose to answer a question during the 2009 Miss USA pageant in an honest and personal manner that expressed my views of the long-established definition of marriage as being between a man and a woman. That answer, and my commitment to stand by my beliefs, has since resulted in attacks on me and my integrity as a woman. We live in a great country; a nation that was built on freedom of speech and freedom of religion. Yet my comments defending traditional marriage have led to intimidation tactics that seek to undermine my reputation and somehow silence me and my beliefs, as if opinion is only a one-way street.
“I am a Christian, and I am a model. Models pose for pictures, including lingerie and swimwear photos. Recently, photos taken of me as a teenager have been released surreptitiously to a tabloid Web site that openly mocks me for my Christian faith. I am not perfect, and I will never claim to be. But these attacks on me and others who speak in defense of traditional marriage are intolerant and offensive. While we may not agree on every issue, we should show respect for others’ opinions and not try to silence them through vicious and mean-spirited attacks.
“With that in mind, I will continue to support and defend marriage as the honorable institution it is. I will continue to stand with the overwhelming majority of the American people and the voters of my home state of California. If this whole experience has taught me anything, it is our precious right to speak freely, and how we as Americans can never allow anyone or any group to intimidate or threaten us to keep silent.”

First off, honey, don’t get your new boobs in a snit. And let’s stop commenting on how America has come after you for your views. Your nude, or semi-nude, pictures have nothing to do with your views on gay marriage or your religion, except, well, I don’t know too many Christians who would find it Christ-like to show their fake breasts to the world, but that’s just me.

And another thing, dear, I don’t think anyone is mocking your Christian faith–and if they do, they’re as bad as you are–but, rather, they are mocking your blatant hypocrisy in presenting yourself as holier-than-thou-know-it-all.

Just go away Carrie. Go away. All will be forgotten because, as the tide changes in America regarding marriage equality, and it is changing, honey, you will be nothing more than a blip on the radar of religious relics who don’t know how to progress to a more open, more equal society.

I don’t mock your faith, Carrie, I mock your stupidity and your hypocrisy and your lies.

Go away.

>The Tiara Is On But Nobody Is Home

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More from THE STORY THAT WOULD NOT DIE!!!

In California yesterday, a spokesman for the Miss California pageant denied that contest officials told the reigning beauty queen, Carrie Cavewoman Prejean, to publicly apologize for her statement opposing same-sex marriage during the Miss USA pageant or risk losing her crown.

See, Carrie Prejean took to the pulpit on Sunday and claimed that producers of the state pageant told her to apologize to the gay community and to avoid mentioning religion when she appeared last week on the “Today” show and other national programs.

Lying in the pulpit? How could someone do tha…..Oh wait…..never mind.

A San Diego public relations representative by the name of Roger Neal, who said he was one of the people advising Prejean, called her claims lies, saying that contest officials only urged Prejean to reiterate that she didn’t mean to offend anyone and to use the national spotlight “to heal some wounds,” he said.

“She chose to stand up in church and in front of the media and say something that was a lie,” Neal said. “No one ever said, ‘You must apologize to the gay community,’ and no one ever said, ‘Don’t talk about your faith or your religion.’ Those two things never came out of anybody’s mouth.”

Prejean, of course, did not return a call from The Associated Press.

Now, I did say the other day that Prejean was entitled to her views, whether I agree with her or not, and it’s pretty clear that i don’t. She has since, however, come out and said that being gay is a choice, something we choose to to over time. You know, us gay folks aren’t so smart. We choose to be less than, beaten, denied equal rights, and for what….the fabulous clothes, the parties, the nightlife? Carrie, honey, I didn’t choose to be gay–though I wouldn’t change it for the world even if I could–but you, dear, have clearly chosen the road marked Stupid.

>My Take On Carrie And Perez Because It’s My Blog And I’ll Rant If I Want To

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I wasn’t going to comment on this because, well, frankly I just don’t care, but it has officially become The Story That Would Not Die thanks in no large part to Carrie Prejean’s Cry Me A River Tour and annoying blogger Perez Hilton’s Desperate Need For Attention Ride, so here I go, with my two cents…..although I think it’s worth more.

Carrie Prejean was a participant/contestant/racer/player in the Miss USA/America/World/Universe pageant…I don’t know which because no matter how many times they say it isn’t a beauty pageant but a scholarship contest, I choke on my Cheerios. See, if it truly was a scholarship pageant and not a beauty contest, the contestants wouldn’t all have teeth as bright as the sun, boobs the size of cars, and tans like tangerines, so lets’ call a spade a spade.

It’s a beauty pageant.

Anyway, apparently during the question and answer portion Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was given a question written by celebrity-wannabe Perez Hilton. Now, it was a good question, a pertinent question, given the news of late. And Miss carrie di answer to the best of her ability. It went a little something like this…..well, it went exactly like this:

Perez Hilton: Vermont recently became the 4th state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit. Why or why not?

Miss California, Carrie Prejean: Well I think its great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised and that’s how I think it should be between a man and a woman. Thank you very much.

And it was on.

The audience booed. Perez, at some point, called Prejean a dumb bitch. Prejean did not win the crown. Prejean says she would have won had Perez not given her a zero for her answer.

Whatever.

What pisses me off, you might ask….and even if you didn’t I’m going to tell you. I am pissed that this girl was booed. Let’s put aside her obvious trouble with the English language…opposite marriage…and geography….in my country…and focus on the fact that she has the right to believe what she wants to believe.

There. I said it.

She can stand up there in a ball gown, with her pert boobies waving at the crowd, and her perfect teeth looking like Chiclets, and her blond hair looking like no color found in nature, and tell everyone she doesn’t believe in gay marriage because, as an American, that is her right.

Do I think she’s wrong? Well, that’s a silly question. I couldn’t disagree with her more. Go figure. But she has the right to say what she believes, y’all. Anyone has the right to say what they believe, and if they say that their faith/religion/cult doesn’t believe in gay marriage, okie dokie.

Just, and if I’ve said this once, I’ve said it a thousand times, don’t use your religion to legislate my life, my rights. M’kay?

And the story would have gone away if that idiot Perez Hilton didn’t ride it like it was a giant flaming dildo and he’d had one too many Cosmos. Perez is driving this story into the ground, under the ground, through the ground to China, because he craves the media spotlight on himself.

And Carrie Prejean is no better. She’s been everywhere from Matt Lauer’s lap to that bastion of intelligent news reporting FoxNews. She’s crying and complaining and telling us how many people Facebook’ed her. She would’a won; should’a won. Boo-freakin-hoo.

So, now, who’s dumb, and who’s dumber?

That, my friends, is a question that should have been asked.