Category Archives: Charlie Sheen

>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But……..

>I’m not an expert, but having babies must be hard, so I, for one, would wanna knock back a shot of tequila or two after poppin’ out a Mini Me, much less two Mini Me’s.

So that’s apparently what happened with Mariah Carey after she gave birth to her her two Mini Mimi’s, AKA Monroe and Moroccan on April 30.
Sidenote: Monroe is the girl? Moroccan is a boy? What happened to Mike and Sue? This makes Apple sound almost normal, and there ain’t nothin’ normal about Paltrow, m’kay?
Anyhoo, back to Nick and MooMoo, er, Mimi, er, Mariah, and their bundles of badly named babies. It seems that, while in the hospital, someone called Child Protective Services on the Nick and Mariah Carey.
Yes, I know, the last name is technically Cannon, but you know darn well that folks call him Mr. Carey and Mimi loves that.
But about that CPS call. Nick told Piers Morgan that “Child Protective Services actually came to me, [and] said that they were here to see me because there had been allegations that there was drug and alcohol use during the stay in the hospital.”
Nick began the spin.
He said it was all a mistake because someone involved in Carey’s care was overheard discussing a beer that ALLEGEDLY boosts breast milk production. But, um, we all know how Mimi loves her champagne–in fact, I thought she dubbed the offspring Dom and Veuve–so I wonder if Mimi was sippin’ on the bubbly after spitting out the spuds.
Just sayin’.

You know, if you’re an up-and-coming starlet or singer or dancer, or whatever it is that Ali Lohan thinks she wants to be today, you try to emulate someone who’s gone before you and achieved success. You find a role model and say, “I wanna be like that.” Then again, if you’re Ali Lohan, who exactly do you have to look up to, if you get my meaning.

You can become a media whore like your mama, selling your children to the highest bidder and then championing them as they fight arrest after arrest and enter rehab like it’s a summer holiday. Or, you can try to reinvent yourself as your sister, who’s been accused of everything from car theft to possession of drugs to kidnapping to jewel theft to drug possession to being drunk in public to being a really bad actress.
Yup, those two are the women to whom Ali Lohan aspires to be.
It seems Ali joined the Star Tattoo club, and is the latest female Lohan, after Dina and Lindsanity, to get a star tattooed on her left wrist.
Nice, I guess, but it also marks another Ali-Lindsay link: doing something illegal. See, 17-year-old Ali lives in California where it’s illegal to get inked if you’re under eighteen, even with a parent’s–I giggle, because Dina is so not a parent–consent..
Ali has tried her whole life to be Lindsay Jr. She began modeling as a baby, appeared in her big sister’s music–I giggle because Lindsay can’t sing–videos, and even tried her hand at being a singer herself. And ALLEGEDLY this wee star tattoo isn’t Ali’s first one. There are reports that she has the same ‘bella vita’ tat on her back that Lindsay has on hers.
Next up? A jailhouse tat like her sister.

Even actresses can get a little litigious.
Case in point: Rosie Perez says she was injured on the set of ‘Law & Order: SVU’ way back in 2009 and now she’s taking legal action against the NBC show.
It seems Rosie was filming a guest role on the hit New York City-based crime drama when a scene called for an extra to forcibly shake her. Now, Rosie says the violent action caused her to suffer a herniated disc which took two surgeries to correct.
And she wants cash, only she doesn’t have a clue as to how much.
Still, she says the shaking should have been done by a stuntman who knows how to handle these things and not just some no-named extra on-set that day. Perez’s lawyer Brian O’Dwyer, says, “This person was not a stuntman, he was just an extra.”
Trouble is, even after being injured Perez continued to work on the show, and now claims her injuries have worsened. O’Dwyer says, “There was pressure on her to continue and finish up the episode and she did.”
I like me some Rosie Perez, but I have trouble with this. You get hurt at work, and say nothing ALLEGEDLY, and then continue to work, and then you sue for your injuries, without naming a specific amount of money. You just say you want “very substantial” damages.
Perez underwent two surgeries to correct the problem, and O’Dwyer says “She’s still suffering severe pain, numbness of the arms, and she’ll never be the same despite the surgery.” He also says that the injury caused her to be unable to work for almost a year.
Now, again, I love Rosie, but it isn’t like she’s the in-demand actress, like say, a Jennifer Love Hewitt–who always seems to find a job–and again: You get hurt at work, stop working. You want to sue because you got hurt, how about suing only for your out of pocket medical bills.
I mean, to say you don’t know how much money you want makes me think this is all about a payday.

It’s the American idol Also-Ran Feud.
Former American Idol contestants Adam Lambert and James Durbin–neither of whom won the title–are trading jabs at one another in the press.

After James Durbin was voted off last week in the most shocking elimination in all of Idol history–I kid, because that title goes to the year JHud was voted off–Adam Lambert took issue with Durbin. In fact, he said he was tiring of Durbin as the competition wound down: “I think he’s got talent and passion 100 percent, but I feel like he’s trying way too hard. Also, his niche is so limited with the metal. When he did that “Heavy Metal” song (by Sammy Hagar), James was note-perfect. He was on pitch, which is usually kind of an issue, and I think he sounded really good, but it felt like a copycat. I didn’t feel like I was seeing an original artist yet. And I’m not saying he doesn’t have that in him, but it hasn’t been showing.”
Oh dear! The leather gloves have come off.
See, when Durbin heard this news, he responded to MTV with: “I was nothing (but) nice to that guy, [and] he decided to take it to a different level. Whatever.”
Whatever? I think Durbin needs some debating skills, rather than fall back on the all-encompassing ‘whatever’. But he did try and distance himself from Lambert: “I don’t know what the comparison’s all about. He sings pop and electronic, and I sing rock and metal.”
And Lambert has a Grammy nod and you don’t
And he has a hit record and you don’t.
And he has a record deal and you don’t
And he kissed a guy on TV.
Just sayin’.


Those wacky Grammers.
They’ve been so quiet since Kelsey quickly divorced former porn-star-turned-exotic-dancer-turned-Beverly-Hills-Housewife-turned-ex-wife so he could marry a women a few months older than his oldest daughter, that I thought all was lovely-dovey between the former spouses.
Not so much.

Kelsey Grammer just filed for sole physical custody of their two young children.
Camille responded with, How dare he! I’m their mother. No one loves that girl, Mary? Margaret? Whatever? than me. And that little boy, the younger one right? I love him with all my heart. In fact, I see them for lunch every other Thursday.
But now Kelsey Grammer believes that his children–and, Camille? They’re names are Mason and Jude, so you might wanna jot than down–have been caught in the middle of an emotional tug of war between Former Missus Grammer, Mister Grammer, and Current Missus Grammer.
Kelsey, though, might have a hard time convincing a judge he should have sole custody. The children live in LA with their mother, while he lives in Chicago with the Fourth Missus…or Fifth? In fact, to be fair, Camille wanted to split custody, but that’s hard when you live 2,000 miles apart.
How does Dad pick them up after school? In a Lear jet landing on the football field?

Hell hath no fury like a woman, or Charlie Sheen, scorned.
He has taken about a nanosecond to mock the decision to replace him on ‘Two and a Half Men’ with Ashton Kutcher. He has called the ‘That ’70s Show’ alum a “sweetheart” but says the choice will bring the show down.

Really? I don’t know if I buy that, because for years, drugs and hookers and rehab and bad press didn’t bring the show down.
A friend of Charlie’s–and by friend I mean coke-smuggling-porn-star–says, “He really thought that he would be invited back. After years of suffering no consequences for his behavior, why would he think anything else? Finally it has sunk in that he doesn’t live by different rules to everyone else. Actions do have a consequences.”
For his part, Ashton, while doing cartwheels and planning on how to spend his weekly five-figure salary, has been polite, saying “I can’t replace Charlie Sheen but I’m going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people!”
Of course, drug-and-bipolar-fueled Charlie responded with, “Ashton Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer. Oh wait, so am I!! Enjoy the show America, Enjoy seeing 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB. Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there.”
Yeah, it sounds like he’s really trying to get his job back.
Winning!

Andy Dick used to be a TV star.
Now he stars in mug shots and bad press.

The latest shocker? Andy Dick is in trouble again for ALLEGEDLY crossing the line with a comedy fan down in Texas, who says, in a lawsuit, of course, that, during a show, Dick took out his dick, and put it on the man’s head.
Andy Dick. Dick. Dickhead.
Just wanted to get them all out.
Robert Tucker, who filed his suit this week in Dallas County, says that back in December, he went to see Andy Dick’s live comedy show, but wasn’t at all entertained. He ALLEGES that the comedian was singing in a blond wig, black camisole and loose red skirt, and then came off-stage to mingle with the crowd. That’s when the Dick’s dick appeared.
It seems that Tucker, who stated the show wasn’t very good, asked Andy Dick for an autograph while Dick was in the crowd, and, ALLEGEDLY, the comic replied to Tucker’s request by sidling up close and kneeling on a tall bar stool, before opening the skirt, reveling that he was going commando, and then gently laid his genitals on Tucker’s head.
Andy’s Dick Dickhead.
The lawsuit explains: “Defendant Dick then, while still controlling Plaintiff’s head with his hand, forced his genitals against the left side of Plaintiff’s face.” Tucker’s lawsuit cites defamation of conduct and infliction of emotional distress, and seeks unspecified damages, or, at the very least, a phone call from Dick.
And flowers. Flowers would be nice.

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Filed under Adam Lambert, Ali Lohan, Andy Dick, Camille Grammer, Charlie Sheen, James Durbin, Kelsey Grammer, Mariah Carey, Rosie Perez

>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But…..

>I know. She’s an idiot. I mean, she stashes cocaine in her vah-jay-jay. ALLEGEDLY.

But now, little Miss Paris Hilton is being blasted by Sarah Shahi, “star” of something called ‘Fairly Legal’, as being the “worst driver ever” because Paris ALLEGEDLY almost hit Shahi.
Trouble is, Paris says she wasn’;t driving anywhere that day: “I was so shocked when I read that, too. First of all, I wasn’t even driving that day. I just came back from Vegas with my boyfriend–and we were home relaxing. I hadn’t even been in the car that day. I literally came with a driver from the airport went to my house.”
Paris then lamented that perhaps it was someone who just looked like her.
Seriously? There’s more than one vacuous blond bimbo with the IQ of soap and a cooch full of coke driving around LA.
Well……..maybe.
Then  Paris goes on and on crying about the team of Paris look-a-likes “who do it for a living….always doing things and I’m getting blamed for it.”
Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! 
Sarah Shahi won’t back down, though, and ranted on Twitter–because how else do people communicate these days–about Hilton:
“Paris Hilton- worst driver ever. Almost hit me, then ran a stop sign.what if there was a kid around the corner, you dumb b–ch.”
Shahi then called Paris a “horrible excuse for a human being” and a “blonde piece of sh-t”.
Okay, so where’s the rant? 

Because no one noticed, Kate Hudson announced she’s engaged to Muse rocker, and her upcoming baby daddy, Matt Bellamy on The Today Show this week.

During a live interview with Matt Lauer, where Kate kept swatting her left hand through the air, Lauer finally broke down and mentioned the rock on her ring finger.
Hudson laughed: “It just happened a week ago, I’m so glad you noticed,. I haven’t really announced it and I felt like the announcing thing feels so silly, and I was just waiting for someone to notice.”
Which is why I’ve been batting my hand around like I’m hailing a freakin’ cab before someone would ask me!!!!
Then Kate got all coy, refusing to discuss wedding dates or arrangements.
My guess is that she’ll show up on Wendy Williams in a wedding dress and wait for Wendy to ‘notice’ it.
Just sayin’.

Talk about a fright.

Last October, Daniel Radcliffe admits he was terrified to hear Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling announce to Oprah that she might write another Harry Potter book, or two. Although Rowling has always insisted that she was done with seven books on the Junior Wizard, she said, “But you never know!”
Radcliffe was heard screaming, Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in!!!
After a team of paramedics revived him Radcliffe says he texted Rowling so her could clarify her comments. He won’t say what she texted back, but I think it was along the lines of How did you get this number?
But it may take Rowling a long time to write books eight through forty-seven, and by the time they come to be filmed, Radcliffe will be too old to play a boy wizard.
At least that’s what he hopes.

Glee spoilers! Glee spoilers!

And, no, Bret Easton Ellis hasn’t been asked to write an episode.
But Mister Shue, Matthew Morrison, is talking about upcoming episodes, including the one where someone on the show will die.
Holy Moldavia Batman!
You mean someone more important that the Warbler mascot bird, Pavarotti?
Morrison says: “Somebody’s dying. Obviously I’m not going to tell you who it is, but it’s no-one that you would probably expect. The episode right before the finale is called ‘Funeral’. We were actually at a funeral home yesterday, shooting all day. It was a very taxing day.”
Someone.Dies.On.Glee?
What.Will.They.Sing?
Who do you think it is?

Talk about everything old being new again. or every old movie being made new again.
Former California Grope-enator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is being shopped around Hollywood like a whore with a coke stash.

And Arnie is said to want to star in…..ANOTHER…..remake of ‘The Terminator’. I guess he meant it when he said, “I’ll be Bach.”
And I thought he meant Johann Sebastian. Now that’s a movie worth seeing.
Unfortunately there is no screenwriter attached yet, because most screenwriters are like, Um, this has been done, to death, and back again. But a director, ah, that’s  a whore, er, horse of a different color has expressed interest. Apparently, Justin Lin, who is responsible for ‘Fast Five’–the fifth installment of The Fast and The Furious, because four weren’t enough–is getting wooed to helm the project.
Who’s up for seeing Ah-nold back onscreen in Terminator: Rise Of The Man-Boobs?

Poor Lindsay.
After being sent back to the big house, er, the Lynwood Correctional Facility–where she was incarcerated for the unbelievable amount of five hours–Lohan is now crying that she’s being punished because she’s a celebrity.

Car thief? Jewel thief? Drug addict? Kidnapper?
Oh, yeah, how unfair.
A source close to Lindsay–and by source I mean Mama Dina who has a news crew permanently stationed in her home lest she go five minutes without publicity–says, “She is being treated differently from everyone else because she is famous. We were all in shock when she was forced to return to jail just to make an example out of her. It’s not right. Especially when she is working so hard to live a healthy life.”
Last week, a judge ruled that Lindsay, who has been accused of stealing a necklace, was in violation of probation and was jailed for five hours before someone–a drug dealer, I’m thinking, because she’s his best client–got her out.
Dina, er, the source, adds, “She is innocent and can’t understand what is going on. She didn’t steal any necklace and will be found innocent. It’s obvious this is only happening because she is famous and anyone that thinks celebrities get away with stuff or let off will think again after seeing this.”
Hey Lindsay, listen up you utter moron: if you were Lindsay Lohan, working at the Forever 21 store in Dayton, Ohio, and had done all of the things you’ve done in your short stint of adulthood, you’d have been locked away for years.
Years.
So do not play this Poor me crap.
And do not make me go to my manicurist and have my Fuck You nail reapplied.
Please. Go to jail. Do not pass go. Do not talk, whine, cry.
You’re over.


Rob Lowe, or, as he’s known by his porn name, Raw Blow, must have a pretty selective memory. See, in his new auto-biography, ‘Stories I Only Tell My Friends,’ he conveniently glosses over his six-year relationship, engagement to, and loss of a child with, actress Melissa Gilbert.

Lucky for him Michael Landon isn’t alive. He’s take Lowe out behind the barn for a whoopin’.
In her tell-all, ‘Prairie Tale,’ Gilbert revealed she’d had three nose jobs by age 20, struggled with drugs and alcohol, and then wrote page after page about her love affair with Rob Lowe, including losing his child.
Rob Lowe, on the other hand, in his book, dishes about his Hollywood bromances with Charlie Sheen and Sean Penn, dining out with Chris Farley and many more important things than a  six-year relationship. Of course, he also makes scant mention of his infamous–because of the underage girls–sex tape.
In Melissa’s book she mentions Rob Lowe 77 times.
In Lowe’s book, he mentions Gilbert 4 times.
Guess the relationship and the miscarriage meant more to her?
She writes on and on that she “fell instantly, hopelessly and stupidly in love” with him, then wallows in the anguish of losing him. He talks about how, when Gilbert’s mom tried to keep them apart, he began spending more time with Charlie Sheen and his brother, Emilio Estevez. He makes absolutely no mention of the length and intensity of their relationship, their brief engagement and Melissa’s miscarriage.
I guess it meant more to her than to him. He had buddies to drink with and underage girls to screw.
Just sayin’.

Bon Jovi rocker Richie Sambora has checked himself into rehab. Again.

And not just for rocking the Jane Fonda in Klute wig. But, for, among other things, like, um, sobriety “issues”. A source–and by source, I mean Denise Richards, because she’s the go-to source for all things Sambora or Sheen–says, “Richie recently has been drinking too much, and wants to get his life together.”
He also checked himself into rehab for exhaustion.
Exhaustion rehab? Seriously?
Is there a rehab for everything now, because I may need a Bravo rehab one of these days. Or a Logo rehab. Top Chef: Rehab.
But Sambora, who’s been on tour with Bon Jovi, says he needs time to regroup. And take a nap. ALLEGEDLY.
A friend–Hi Denise–says: “Richie has had a busy year. I think this was a culmination of all the things that overloaded his life and finally he realized he needed to take care of himself.”
This isn’t Sambora’s first time at the rehab rodeo. He made his first appearance at the career boosting rehabbing Cirque Lodge back in 2007, right after he divorced his wife, Heather Locklear, and broke up with his girlfriend, Denise Richards.
Maybe he needs a Blonde Starlet rehab?


This guy is a pig.
He thinks he might be the next Robert DeNiro, when he more like the next Robert DeLusional. But self-titled Hollywood bad boy, and wannabe movie star, Alex Pettyfer, has given an interview where he discusses everything, from a sad, sick tattoo, to his hatred for LA.

The star–hee hee, I giggle at that…..star….–of ‘I Am Number Four’–remember when it was in theaters for an hour or so?–gave a candid interview to VMAN magazine where he revealed that he has a tattoo, right above his crotch that says, “Thank You”.
I imagine the proper tattoo should have said, “That isn’t a toothpick, it’s my dick.”
Pettyfer, ever the gentleman, says he got the tattoo, “in case I forget to say it.”
Oh, honey, you don’t have to say Thank you. Just leave the money on the nightstand. Or the passenger seat. Or the next urinal.
Pettyfer, who was once considered, by himself mostly, to be on the Hollywood fast-track to stardom, until his head got ginormous–making his penis appear even smaller–now says, “I really don’t give a s**t about any of that. I wish I had some interesting stories about living in L.A., but mostly I just do my work and then go home. Being an actor is like being in prison. You go, you serve your time, you try and replicate Johnny Depp’s career and then you move to Paris.”
Oh, honey, you’re no Johnny Depp. He has talent.
And it seems that Hollywood, like me, has developed a distaste for Pettyfer. After rumors of his ALLEGED erratic behavior, most bigwigs in Hollywood are steering clear of Pettyfer.
Unless they’re wearing a Hazmat suit.

Looks like ‘Two and a Half Men’ will be back in the fall, and it will be Sheen-less.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

‘Men’ creator Chuck Lorre is ALLEGEDLY working on a reboot of the I-have-no-idea-why-it’s-so-popular sitcom, and Sheen is out, though Jon Cryer, who without this would have no career whatsoever, is in.
Winning!
Cryer has ALLEGEDLY been presented with a plan that would focus on his character, Alan, and a new character–someone Sheen-like, but not Sheen–who has yet to be cast. Lorre has ALLEGEDLY presented  his idea to a few Hollywood players, and the network and studio are aware of his intention to overhaul the series.
Though no actor has emerged as the frontrunner to replace Sheen–both Rob Lowe and John Stamos were rumored–the network has yet to schedule the return of ‘Two and a Half Men.’
But CBS could be eying it as a mid-season launch.
Or it, like Sheen, could just go away.

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Filed under Alex Pettyfer, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charlie Sheen, Daniel Radcliffe, Glee, Kate Hudson, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton Is A Moron, Richie Sambora, Rob Lowe

>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But…..

>Poor Nicolas Cage. It looks like his crazy hair finally turned the rest of him completely nuts.It seems Little Nicky was arrested last weekend in Louisiana after an, er, altercation, with his wife of six years, Alice.

Nicky was ALLEGEDLY very drunk, prowling the tattoo parlors and bars of New Orleans when a taxi driver ALLEGEDLY spotted Mr and Mrs Hasbeen Actor arguing loudly in the streets. Sidenote: you’d have to argue pretty loudly to cause a disturbance on the streets of the French Quarter.
The cab driver watched the fight for a moment, but the minute Little Nicky shoved Mrs. Little Nicky, the cabbie called the police. Which then lead to a very odd confrontation between Cage and the authorities. The NOLA police, not wanting to make a big scene by arresting a formally huge star, repeatedly asked Cage to just leave quietly.
But Nicky wasn’t having it. That’s what the Dronk does to you. Cage ALLEGEDLY taunted the police into taking him into custody, refusing their requests for him to quietly go home. Instead, Mr. Big Shot Asshat kept asking, “Why don’t you just arrest me?”
So they did. And Nicky and his hair were charged with disturbing the peace and domestic violence.
Nicky was kept in lockdown, awaiting a bail hearing while his wife ALLEGEDLY denied that any physical violence occurred, and refused to press charges. But Nicky is known for his public outbursts and rages. There was a blow-up on a movie set in Romania, as well as a previous bar fight in New Orleans last year.
And there is also his ongoing battle with the IRS, who claims Nicky owes them millions in back taxes. Also the wife of Nicky’s first-born recently sued him for $13 million, ALLEGEDLY for back child support. And Nicky himself, probably knowing he needed the cash, filed suit for $20 million against his business manager, Samuel Levin–who simply said that Nicky lives beyond his means, and then filed a countersuit ALLEGING that Nicky was  continually advised to curtail his spending, including the purchases of yachts, Rolls Royce’s and fifteen homes.
Nicky. Could your life get any more out of control?

Apparently it can.

Down in New Orleans, where Nicky Cage sat in jail, awaiting a bail hearing, reality TV star Dog the Bounty Hunter bailed him out by posting a bond of $11,000.
Really? A reality TV show star had to come to your rescue? Why not offer the bail judge a Rolls or a yacht in exchange for a Get Out Of Jail Free card?
Dog, AKA Duane Chapman, who never met a situation he didn’t want to exploit for his own purposes, released a statement: “Media from around the world have been requesting interviews with me today after reports surfaced about my posting a bond for actor Nicolas Cage in New Orleans….I am a truly dedicated fan of Mr. Cage and will not be granting any interviews about my client as I wish to respect his privacy. I performed my duties as a bail bondsman and not in connection with our show.”
In other words Here’s what I did and how nice I am and how much I love brilliant [sarcasm] actor, Nicolas Cage, but I will not be talking about how I personally bailed him out and then called the media.
And then, after he said he would say no more, he added, “This is what I do for a living. There are two sides of my job: I release my clients after they have been arrested; and pick them up if they don’t show up in court. I do not believe the latter will be the case for Mr. Cage.”
Still, I’d keep Nicky on a short leash, Dog.
And, pardon my pessimism, but don’t be surprised if you see Nicky in some big budget piece of trash movie where he plays a bounty hunter with bad hair–because he’s got that part covered already–and one Duane Chapman is paid a handsome sum to be an advisor.
Just sayin’.

File this under: Wackadoo Mother-effers.

Ninety-four-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince [and he’s not a real prince] Frederic von Anhalt, wants his wife to become a mother again by using an egg donor, artificial insemination and a surrogate mother.
No. Seriously. And, one wonders why.
Dollar signs.
Freddie the Freeloader says: “I’ve gone through the initial steps of donor matching and blood work and next week the donation process will begin.”
I’m not the only one stunned by this news. Zsa Zsa’s only child–or formerly her only child–Francesca Hilton, described herself as shocked when told of the plan: “That’s just weird.”
But Von Anhalt says he is working with Dr. Mark Surry of the Southern California Reproductive Center in Beverly Hills, and, in that fatherly toner that one gets while awaiting the birth of guaranteed inheritance rights, said: “I’m a retired guy. I can take care of it.”
It?
He also says Gabor talked about adding a new baby to the family and he wants to carry out her wishes. But, Freddie, she talked about adding another child to the family twenty-five years ago, when she was in her sixties. To which, von Anhalt swears that Zsa Zsa, who is gravely ill, brought up the subject again only months ago.
And he just wants to make her happy, and get a little executor control on the estate when Zsa Zsa passes. Oh, but he says he’s not doing it for the money, he’s doing it because he wants someone to carry on the Gabor name, because, you know, it’s famous, or something. Or at least was about fifty years ago.
Why doesn’t Freddie just change his name to Greedy Gabor? Problem solved!

Interesting story out of the NYC this week.

Apparently, my Husband-in-my-head, Anderson “Randy Andy” Cooper, came home to find a drunk emptying his bladder all over the front door of Andy’s building.
Andy was incensed by the smell of hot urine on mahogany and instantly called the police.
No, wait. He Tweeted about it first:
Just got home, found drunk guy peeing on my bldg front door. He asked for my pic. Instead I took his. Am tempted to tweet it out. Annoying!about 10 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®
Now, to be fair, I wasn’t just peeing on his door.
i was marking my territory.
So, follow Andy on Twitter and let me know if he Tweets my pic. I hope Little Bob and I look good!

In this whole Charlie Sheen mess, who do I feel most sorry for?
Denise Richards? Nah, she’s making millions off Crazy in child support and media attention.
Brooke Mueller, who ALLEGEDLY survived a Charlie Sheen knife attack?
Or maybe it’s his kids. Not so much the ones with Denise, and not so much the one he had with some model way back when. But the twins he had with Mueller.
I mean, they’re just babies and their Daddy has gone off the deep-end.
And now, so has Mommy.

It seems that Charlie’s latest estranged wife, and mother to his twins, Brooke Mueller, has once again gone all Lohan and checked into rehab for another try.
Mueller entered rehab after a week of ALLEGED drug binging, followed by her refusal to submit to a drug test even though it was required under the terms of her custody settlement with Sheen.
Wow, lovely parents who need to have weekly drug tests.
Mueller’s representatives–and by representative, I mean, of course, dealers–say the 33-year-old has ALLEGEDLY re-entered rehab as a precautionary step should Sheen’s lawyers bring up the drug test issue in court.
Wow, nice spin. You check into rehab in case someone brings up the fact that you’re a serial drug abuser?
This is Mueller’s second stab at rehab. She had previously rehabbed for ALLEGED drug and alcohol abuse issues in 2010. And just last week, she was caught on camera last week trying to pawn a pricey watch and stereo equipment in an attempt to get some quick cash.
Quick cash for what, honey?
Well, as some of her ‘friends’ ALLEGE, Brooke is only using drugs again because of ALLEGED calls asking for clean urine and recent cash concerns.
So, she’s using drugs because she’s afraid of being drug tested?
Or she’s using drugs, costly drugs, because she’s worried about money?
Brooke Mueller receives $55,000 a month from Charlie Sheen.
Like I said, these two losers can have each other, but someone needs to take care of those kids. Maybe a nice gay couple?

Not so fast, I guess.

Charlie Sheen’s lawyer–and, sheesh, that guy must be on speed dial–will ALLEGEDLY ask a judge to grant both legal and physical custody of the boys to Sheen because of Brooke’s drug relapse.
Of course, it also occurs to Sheen that if he gets custody of his boys he wouldn’t be shelling out 55K a month. And think how many hookers he could buy, especially now that he’s out of a job.
And Charlie Sheen has found an unlikely ally during this new drama with Mueller: his ex-wife, mother to two of his other children, and ginormous media whore, Denise Richards. According to rumors, Richards ALLEGEDLY heard about Mueller’s bizarre behavior and rehab stint and offered to help until the situation settled down.
Denise then ALLEGEDLY called Sheen and offered to take care of the twins and let them live with her while Sheen was on the road with his ‘Torpedo of Truth’ tour. He reportedly told her he’d “keep her posted” on the situation.
I wonder if Denise also then asked for the 55K, too.
See, it is all about the money, not about those two boys and their drug-addicted parents.

This is funny.

M. Night Shyamalan, director of 1999’s Oscar-nominated, ‘The Sixth Sense,’ was poised to be the Next Big Thing, the New Spielberg. He had no idea it would all be downhill from there.
Cut to 2010, where Night’s latest movie, ‘The Last Airbender’, swept the film awards at a recent show. Only, it wasn’t Oscar, or Golden Globe, or even BAFTA. He won all sorts of Razzies for his latest flop. Can it get any worse?
Oh, but it can.
Three movie fans are trying to raise $150,000 to send M. Night Shyamalan back to film school. It seems one of the fans–and I use that term loosely–came up with the idea after seeing a preview for a movie called ‘Devil’. When the words “from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan” came up on-screen, the audience howled and an idea was born.
Baker was joined by two friends, one of whom developed the idea of “M. Night School” as a name for the website. When news broke that Shyamalan was daring to make yet another disaster–‘1000 A.E.’ starring ‘Karate Kid’ Jaden Smith and his dad, Will Smith–the trio went live with their campaign.
So far, the boys have raised just $520.
But, if you love movies, and realize that Shyamalan needs a little re-education in the art of filmmaking, please give….give til it hurts.
A man’s career hangs in the balance.

As Lindsay Lohan awaits trial on a felony theft charge, she has something positive to look forward to in the near future: two possible movie deals. One, is a documentary called ‘Prison Laundry’ while the other is a cinema vérité piece called ‘Drug Addict Jewel Thief’.
I kid.

Kind of. It seems that Hollywood producer Marc Fiore has Lohan in mind for, not one, but two, upcoming movies, one of which is the much-rumored ‘Gotti’ biopic: “I want Lindsay to be in ‘Gotti’ and another movie that I’m producing. She’s a great, great actress.”
I did not make up that last line. Seriously.I.Did.Not.
To her credit, Lohan, desperate to be seen as more of an actress than a criminal, is quite interested in the role of Victoria Gotti. In fact, she even showed up unannounced and uninvited to stand next to Victoria Gotti at a press event.
Balls.Of.Steel.
Fiore also hopes to see Lohan in is ‘Mob Street,’ a Wall Street-centered mafia flick written by Chazz Palminteri.
Funny. All these movies, and Lindsay would be playing criminals, or relatives of criminals. Who says art doesn’t imitate life?

But not anymore. It looks like there’s one contract that even the Gotti family won’t take out.

Lindsay Lohan is no longer up for the role of Victoria Gotti, daughter of legendary mob boss John Gotti, in the upcoming film ‘Gotti: Three Generations.’
After trumpeting Lindsay as the most talented actress ever and saying he wanted to work with her over and over again, producer Mark Fiore now says: “We are not talking any further about Lindsay playing Victoria. She is no longer being considered. The talks have stopped. We are going to meet with other people.”
Ouch. Dina must be rolling over in her grave.
Cuz she’s like a vampire, I mean.
It seems only days ago that Lohan showed up unwelcome and unwanted at a press conference with Victoria Gotti and John Travolta. And it was only days ago that both Gotti and Miss Travolta sang the actress’s praises, with Gotti saying: “I think she’s doing great; I think she’s going to continue to do great and she’s got a lot of people rooting for her.”
Those people rooting for her are all the people to whom she owes money.
Travolta added, “I’ve always thought [Lohan] was gorgeous and talented and filled with a lot of depth. So, I think that whatever she would like to do would be great with me.”
What she’d like to do to Travolta is befriend him and then break into his house and steal all the costumes he wore as Big Edna in ‘Hairspray’.
 Just sayin’.

How do you follow up being a media whore on a reality TV show, scamming your way into the White House, trying out for a rehab show only to be let go because you aren’t addicted to anything other than fame and then finding out that your first reality show has been canceled?

What’s a fame-hungry girl like Michaele Salahi to do? Pose for Playboy, of course. Because the world wants to see her rib cage and fake tatas. Only, even Playboy has standards.
Salahi, the now canceled fame-whore of the ‘Real Housewives of DC’ star, and self-described former model–I giggle at that–recently shot a series of sexy pictures and sent them to Playboy along with a letter begging to be in the magazine.
Hef.Said.No.
A source close to the magazine–and by source I mean the guy that strategically places the bunny logo onto every Playboy cover–says that Michaele was informed via email: “There is no opportunity this calendar year to offer you a cover opportunity or place for your pictorial.”
They added: “So here are your skanky pictures back and we’ll be sending you the bill from out opthalmologist who treated our eyes for severe retina burns after viewing your picture.”
Not to be out-done in the media-whore-ness department, Michaele’s chubby asshat hubby Tareq also sent nudie pics of himself to Playgirl.
They’re still dealing with the stench of a group vomit over there.

We all know that Justin Timberlake lost his beard.
He broke up with Jessica Biel.
Now, there are reports that JT is ALLEGEDLY losing his hair.

Timberlake, who used to rock the curls, has now taken to wearing his hair closely cropped; and by closely cropped, I mean scalp-length.
A friend–and by friend I mean a bartender at the Ramrod–says Timberlake is mortified by his thinning hair and that is the reason for his very close haircuts: “He’s keeping his hair super-short so no one notices.”
Oh, honey, we noticed.
Timberlake’s “friend” adds: “He’s using specially formulated shampoo to promote hair growth. He certainly doesn’t want to go bald!”
Oh, butcha’are Blanche, butcha’are goin’ bald.
But, at least he’s working on the beard loss. He has ALLEGEDLY been trying to hook-up with his ‘Friends with Benefits’ co-star Mila Kunis, but she refused his advances, saying, “Ewwwwwww.” And he has also been seen with ‘Tron: Legacy’ star Olivia Wilde, who, through a friend, said, “Ewwww.”
Just sayin’.

This story warms my cold, tiny, pus-filled, stone-like heart.

A group of people, ALLEGEDLY paid by Gwyneth Paltrow to be The Friends Of Gwyneth Paltrow, showed up at a dinner party to collect a paycheck and “celebrate” the actress-singer-blogger-maniacal-egotist’s cookbook, ‘My Father’s Daughter.’
Employees of Paltrow, like Jay-Z, Cameron Diaz, Alex Rodriguez and Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld all told stories of how Gwynnie is not like the rest of us. She’s better.
But one person, ALLEGEDLY not on the payroll, showed up, and wasn’t that impressed by Missy P and all her holier-than-thou-ness. And that someone was none-other than Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin. Martin ALLEGEDLY arrived cranky and his publicist warned, “he doesn’t want to talk.”

A party filled with people paid to praise his wife and Chris doesn’t want to talk? I think I love him. But it is a little odd when your own hubby doesn’t want to talk at a party promoting you, isn’t it?
Luckily, the other employees loved talking Gwyneth.
Jessica Seinfeld, obviously angling for a substantial year-end bonus, ALLEGEDLY told the crowd how lucky they were to be invited: “You are all so lucky to be part of Gwyneth’s world. Because this is the real deal. And she’s invited all of you good people in here. I would never do that.”
Then supermodel Christy Turlington reveled in how Gwyneth is a whiz when it comes to killing lobsters–and by lobsters, I, of course, mean employees who don’t follow protocol: “It’s not the boiling-in-the-pot-and-screaming lobster thing. It’s a different, faster approach. You stick a knife through the head.”
Sounds like a Gwynnie mob hit.
Even Michael Stipe played dutiful paid guest: “Once, a duck she was cooking caught fire, and she threw it in the pool.”
Along with a party goer who looked hotter than Gwyneth, and another guest who didn’t bow and scrape properly.
Still, amidst all this paid advertisement, and praise for All Things Paltrow, her husband, smart man that he is, hovered in a corner, sipping a Ketel One and Tonic and plotting his escape from Paltrow World.
Godspeed Chris. Godspeed.

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Filed under Anderson Cooper, Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards, Gwyneth Paltrow, Justin Timberlake, Lindsay Lohan, M. NIght Shyamalan, Nicolas Cage, The Salahis, Zsa Zsa Gabor

>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But……..

>After Renée Zellweger shaved off her beard, i.e. she and Bradley Cooper broke up–he has ALLEGEDLY gone back to his previous, um, “girlfriend”.

I mean, one mustn’t allow those rumors of gayness to resurface, must one? So, yes, it seems Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Aniston are not-so-secretly dating again.
A source–and by source, I mean the guy that knows Bradley Cooper intimately….and I wish it was me–admits that the pair, who had “dated” back in Oh-Nine, have been in touch recently, saying, “Jen always had a soft spot for Bradley, and she thinks he is very attractive and charming.”
And he has a soft spot for her, if you get my meaning.
Back in Oh-Nine, while promoting “The Hangover,” and needing any and all kinds of press, rumors swirled about Cooper and Aniston. Bradley sashayed them off, saying, “I met her three times in my life. My mom loves it, but unfortunately it’s not true.”
My mom loves it? Every g_y boy tells his mama about his “dates,” even when the “dates” are with girls. And, of course, as Cooper was saying it wasn’t true, and he’d only “met” Jen, there were pictures taken of the “couple” dining in NYC. So much for the old, I don’t know her.
I picture Bradifer, er, Coopeston….OMG, none of these work….um, Jenniley….Hmmm, maybe….staying together long enough to promote a couple of movies, and then there will be an amicable split, and Cooper will find another actress to team up with.
I ain’t sayin’ he’s gay, now, I’m just sayin’…..hmmmm.

And speaking of hmmmm, where does a former boy-bander go when the bloom is off the rose?
I mean, if you a New Kid, or a Backdoor, er Backstreet Boy, you reunite as new Kids On The Block Doing The Nasty With Some Backstreet Boys and you go on tour and make a few dollars more.
But, what about the boys in the band, Ninety Eight Degrees? Yeah, the one that had Jessica Simpson’s ex-husband in it. What about those boys?

Well, if you’re Jeff Timmons and you haven’t had much success parlaying singing with prepubescent boys until you’re long out of puberty into a successful adult career, you become a, and he did, Chippendale’s dancer.
Yes, Timmons will don a bow tie, and little else, except some booty shorts and body oil to spend four weeks–What? he couldn’t get hired full-time?–with the strip/dance crew Chippendale’s in Las Vegas.
Timmons, now thirty-seven, and a bit long in the tooth for boy bands and male strippers–will be shakin’ what his mama gave him at the Rio All-Suite Hotel and Casino from May 12 through June 5. A press release states that as soon as Timmons comes on-stage, “the temperature will rise”–Get it/ ninety-Eight Degrees!–to be the guest star for the strippers, and the emcee.
Boy band to male stripper.
Yeah, that is the chain of succession, I guess,

Rod Stewart, nearing one-hundred,forty-seven years of age, is said to be thrilled at becoming a grandfather, but not so thrilled that his grandbaby daddy, Benicio del Toro, so causally impregnated his daughter, Kimberly.

Really, Rod? This from a man who has eight children with six different women?
It seems that Benicio’s “people” announced through the press that del Toro is the daddy of Kimberly Stewart’s baby, but that the two are not a couple. I guess it was just kind of drive-by impregnation. And Rod had hoped his daughter would have taken that walk down the aisle before getting knocked up, even though her own daddy did it the other way round on more than one occasion.
A friend of Rod’s–and by friend, I mean his crypt-keeper–says, “Rod might seem like a wild man but deep down he is very conservative. What dad doesn’t dream of his daughter’s wedding day before she starts a family?”
Maybe the dad who knocked up six different women eight times? He has a son and a daughter with first wife, Alana Hamilton; a daughter with Kelly Emberg–whom he never married; two children with second wife but third baby mama, Rachel Hunter; and two children with Missus Stewart Number Three. He is also the father of a daughter who was born in the 1860s, er, 1960s, and put up for adoption.
Just sayin’.


So, what happens when your life of cocaine and hookers get you fired from your TV show and then you become some kind of trainwreck Twitter star and decide to take that mess on the road and then bomb magnificently at it? What do you do next?

Well, if you’re Charlie Sheen, and you believe what your hangers-on are saying, you use your stage show, the “Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option,” to, at first, hint, that you want your old job back, and then begin talking about how you’re not supposed to talk about getting your job back.
But, let’s be honest, he needs the work. Suitcases of cocaine and closets of porn stars don’t come cheap.
Even though, in his “show” Sheen blasts his former CBS show, “One Man, One Boy, and One Deranged Cokehead”, he has been dropping hints about his possible return to his series.
“There’ve been discussions, but I was asked not to divulge anything,” Sheen recently discussed and divulged. “Had they told me at the end of Season 8 that that behavior wasn’t going to be cool, I would have adjusted it.”
So, um, Charlie? Someone has to tell you that luggage filled with drugs and houses full of hookers isn’t cool behavior? That, asshat, is problem Number One on a long list of problems. Problem Number Two is that the idea of you returning to your old show is playing only in your head.
Lawyers for Warner Bros. TV, AKA The Defendants in Sheen’s $100-million-dollar lawsuit to get his job back, released a staement saying Sheen’s claims to a Boston radio station are completely untrue: “As you know, there have been no discussions, there are no discussions, and there will be no discussions, regarding his returning to or having any involvement in the series.”
Of course, Sheen’s lawyer, Marty Singer, who works round the clock keeping Sheen out of trouble, and fails miserably, shot back: “That’s ridiculous. There absolutely have been discussions. As late as this Tuesday there have been discussions about Charlie coming back and everyone was involved.”
Maybe the discussions were about Charlie coming back………….and cleaning out his dressing room. i mean, would you go in there without a HazMat suit?
Just sayin’.

Now that her husband-grandfather, Michael Douglas, is on the mend after completing treatment for throat cancer, Catherine Zeta-Jones has decided to check herself into the hospital. Or, more appropriately, the psych ward.

Her representative–and by representative, i mean the guy who keeps the painting of CZJ painted in the late 1800s up in the attic where no one can see it age–says, “After dealing with the stress of the past year, Catherine made the decision to check in to a mental health facility for a brief stay to treat her Bipolar II Disorder.”
And, by Bipolar, he means her Obsessive Need To Be The Center Of Attention. After a year of people talking only about her husband, CZJ decided it was time to shift the focus back to her.
Of course, it wasn’t just Michael Douglas and his cancer stealing the spotlight, it was those two kids of theirs always looking for mommy’s love, and then that son of Michael’s, Cameron, being sent to prison for dealing drugs, and then the first Mrs. Douglas suing for more money..
Don’t.These.People.Know.It’s.All.About.C.Z.J?
Just sayin’.

I think one should star calling Elizabeth Hurley The Boomerang.

She was with actor Hugh Grant until Hugh got friendly with a hooker.
Then she had a five-minute stand with billionaire Steve Bing, which resulted in her having Bing’s baby–something he denied until he got three letters in the mail, D, N, A.
Then there was a short pit-stop back at Hugh Grant.
After which she up and married Arun Nayar.
Until rumors of an affair circulated, then came word of a divorce, and the revelation that her new love was Aussie cricketing champ Shane Warne, who was also married.
Now, she and Warne are “just friends” and she has ALLEGEDLY boomerang’d back to Hugh.
She has even admitted, in an interview with Hello magazine, that she and Hugh will “end up living together like Darby and Joan”–in England, Darby and Joan is an expression for an old married couple who lead a placid, rather hum-drum life.
I’m not sure about the hum-drum life, given his penchant for the Divine Brown’s of the world, and her penchant for schtupping whatever comes along.
It sounds a little more Ho-hummer.
Just sayin’.

Kimora Lee Simmons is a moron.
That’s all.
Well, okay, there’s more.

It seems she shocked everyone by hitting a red caret event looking about thirty pounds lighter, and when asked about her sudden weight loss, and how she did it, the fool said, “I don’t eat.”
Yes, she did. This mother to small children says she didn’t diet or exercise, she just stopped inserting food into her mouth. Half-joking, ALLEGEDLY, Kimora says, “I have shed the fat by not eating. But I don’t like to tell the kids that so they think they shouldn’t eat.”
Apparently she still has some fat to lose.
In.Her.Head.
She says her new-found love for No Food Ever started when she moved to LA  and began hanging around with two “realtiy show” sisters–whom she won’t name…though the letters K, K and K, seem to pop up: “I was out one night with two famous sisters, when a bunch of burgers were being passed around. I went to grab one and the two of them looked shocked. They said, ‘We don’t eat.’ Then after I grabbed a burger, they said they were joking but I knew they weren’t!”
So, she’s taking dieting advice from a Kardashian.
Like I said, she still has the fat in her head.

Some people love her.
Some people hate her.

I fit snuggly in group two, and the reason is clear: there is no one on earth more enamored of Gwyneth Paltrow than Gwyneth Paltrow herself. And let’s prove it, using her own words.
She says folks are “pissed off” at her because she’s driven and unafraid of change, while they’re not: “It’s easier to not change, not do something good for you, not work on your relationship, not make yourself a meal, not work out. Everything in my life that’s good is because I worked my ass off to get it and to maintain it.”
It’s all good because she made it that way. All by herself. No help or support from her actor-director parents. No help from her singer-songwirter husband. No help from Harvey and Bob Weinstein. She made it all on her on, and no one else in the history of the world knows how to do that, and we’re all jealous.
Seriously.
Um, Gwynnie, honey?
The reason I don’t like you has nothing to do with the idea that you can change and grow and adapt, it’s because you think you’re better than everyone else, especially since the Weinstein Brothers bought you that Oscar.
Seriously, Best Actress? That’s comical.
And you made a movie about being a country singer–which bombed, by the way–and now you think you can sing? Homey, you have all the stage presence of a Q-tip with a passable voice. Please, do not make a record. Let your husband sing. He can, you know.
But she goes on, pondering about why many people hate her: “My theory is twofold. I think there’s a part of me that because I think I do a lot, I think my work ethic is the reason why I’m successful. I think that a lot of people don’t want to put in effort and it’s easier to not change, not do something good for you, not work on your relationship, not make yourself a meal, not work out. [They’re just] pissed off at someone else doing that. Everything in my life that’s good is because I worked my ass off to get it and to maintain it….If everyone has an opinion then no one has an opinion. Ultimately, it’s not about me…It’s a projection. Sometimes if I hear of something really unkind or somebody’s really misunderstood me or something like that for a second I’ll be like, “Oooh wow that hurt,” but almost immediately I’ll be like, “poor guy.” What state are they in that they’re seeing that or projecting that.”
See, she feels sorry for us because we don’t work as hard as she does, and we just aren’t good enough.
Yeah, that’s why we loathe you Gwyneth.

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Filed under Bradley Cooper, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Charlie Sheen, Elizabeth Hurley, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Timmons, Kimora Lee Simmons, Rod Stewart

>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But……

>Wow, am I shocked.
Charlie Sheen’s, um, yeah, ‘tour’ is a bit of a bomb.

Opening night in Detroit saw a sold-out crowd of more than 4,500 packed into the Fox Theater, dying to see the trainwreck perform, um, live. But from all reports, it was a thoroughly disastrous night for the “warlock.”
Some audience members, obviously the ones who’ve been screaming at their TV sets during Charlie’s wackadoo interviews, began the show by heckling the warm-up guy. It got so ugly, in fact, that someone woke Charlie from a drug-induced coma and shoved him onstage and reprimand the crowd–to no avail.
The comic was booed off the stage, and house lights soon came up, causing the impatient masses to grow even more restless, as they waited for the Sheen Show to start.
And, finally, when the headliner launched into his first ‘Violent Torpedo of Truth’ performances–more than an hour after the disjointed show first started–the ovation turned to boos and jeers and walkouts.
Quelle surprise!
Many in the crowd demanded their money back–and let me say this, if you paid money to see Charlie Sheen….Charlie Effin’ Sheen…and felt taken, too bad–but were denied.
But many of those demanding s refund might have wanted the money to spend on souvenirs, and by souvenirs,m I don’t mean bricks of cocaine; those all go directly to Sheen. But you could buy t-shirts emblazoned with Charlie-isms like “F—ing Brilliant!” and “I’m on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen”.
And me, nowhere near Detroit. Boo-freaking-hoo.
The, um, ‘show,’ such as it was featured scores of video clips, including fan tributes from YouTube, violent film excerpts and one of Sheen just playing Call of Duty. As the crowds began to rant and rave about the horrid performance, Sheen told them, “I’ve already got your money!”
And sent it straight up his nose.
Other Charlie-isms, for which Detroitians paid $45:
“Tonight is an experiment”
“I am finally here to identify and train the Vatican assassin locked inside each and every one of you”
“Show of hands here who has tried crack? :::crickets::: I don’t do crack anymore, but this is a good f—ing night to do some crack”
Is anybody else as confused by this s–t as I am? I wrote every word!”
OMG He is high-larious. See what i did there? High………..larious?


And speaking of trainwrecks, wannabes, and whores.

Heidi Montag, Jake Pavelka, and Danielle Staub are apparently starring in their own reality show. Or, maybe because they’re all famewhores they just gathered togetherher and paid people to film them.
Montag, best known for using plastic surgery to transform herself from a pretty young girl into an inflatable sex doll with the IQ of a bar of soap, sat alongside Pavelka, who is best known for speed dating through twenty-six women and falling in love with one and then proposing and then breaking it off and then calling her all sorts of evil names on TV.
He’s.A.Keeper.
Not far behind was former Real Housewives of New Jersey‘s very own Danielle Staub, AKA prostitution whore, drug mule, and star of her own poorly selling sex tape.
Heidi, Jake and Danielle.
Definitely Must-Not-See TV.

And, now for some good gay news.

Newly out, and still enjoying her Coming Out tool-belt and Home Depot gift card, country singer Chely Wright is engaged.
Her fiancée, Lauren Blitzer, a LGBT Civil Rights activist, and Chely have set a date and plan to be married this summer in Connecticut, where equality lives for all people, not just the heterosexual kind.
It seems that Chely and Lauren met through LGBT youth advocacy work, and realized they both have a love for, um, Scrabble?
Scrabble. Is that some sort of Lesbian sex game? Just asking.
Chely Wright, who once considered suicide rather than coming out as a lesbian, now says, “The freedom of being out and open about who I am allowed me to find and fall in love with Lauren…the most amazing woman I’ve ever known.”
Congrats ladies.
And, as a wedding gift, I’ve registered you two at Ace Hardware, and will be gifting you with a belt sander and some Doc Martens.
Enjoy!
 
It looks like Lindsay Lohan’s association with crime isn’t quite over yet.
But maybe, just maybe,m this time crime will pay. It seems that La Lohan is in “final talks” to play mob-daughter Victoria Gotti in ‘Gotti: Three Generations,’ an upcoming  feature film about Victoria’s mafioso father, John.

If this holds up–and it depends on whethe Lindsay goes back to jail or rehab for the summer–she’ll star opposite seriously heterosexual John Travolta, who has agreed to play John Gotti.
And to make this film even more of a circus, rumors are swirling–as rumors are apt to do–that Kim Kardashian recently met with executive producers to discuss playing John’s daughter-in-law, Kim Gotti.
A Kardashian and a Lohan, together.
This just reeks of an Oscar winning film.
Oscar.Mayer.
Producer Marc Fiore, who obviously has grandiose dreams, says his $75 million production is “going to be the new ‘Godfather.'”
Oh, but he did.
There was another story out that Lindsay would play Sharon Tate in a film about Charles Manson.
Or that she would be in the new ‘Superman’ movie.
But those have to wait, while Lindsay sees if she stars in Prison Bitch.
That’s not a film, that’s her future.

This has crazy written all over it.
After Britney Spears’, um, lethargic-looking demeanor during promotional performances for her new album, comes word that Brit-Brit doesn’t want to be bothered performing any more.

She wants to act.
A source–and by source, I mean the team of men who hoist her Frito-laden ass about the stage with she lip-syncs to songs she does not remember–says, “Britney is very mindful that she has to evolve as an artist now she is heading towards her thirties. Music will always be a part of her life but she has come to love acting, and comedy especially. She is currently considering a few scripts. One is a comedy and a kind of parody of the popstar she is and the other is a more serious role which is an action movie.”
A serious role in an action movie? Aint no such thing.
But the question I pose is this: if Spears cannot be bothered to learn to sing, much less learn the dance moves, to take this new album on tour, how will she ever become an actress?
Seriously, she has all the intelligence of a pork rind.
I see Brit-Brit’s future like this: wackadoo tours, more head-shaving, more drama, another wackadoo tour, and then she’ll fade from view, only to resurface in 2041 on some Bravo reality show, like, well, maybe, the Real Housewives of Backswamp.

And the gay is coming out after more than fifty years.

The 1951 novel From Here to Eternity, by James Jones, is set to be re-issued digitally through eBook firm called Open Road, and it will ALLEGEDLY feature two scenes involving gay content that were previously censored from the original publication.
Uh-huh. FHTE is going back to its gay roots.

The novel, which focuses on US soldiers serving in Hawaii in the months leading up to Pearl Harbor, was later adapted into a 1953 film starring Frank Sinatra. In the original book, there were two scenes that didn’t make the cut: one focused on Private Angelo Maggio–the role Sinatra played in the film–revealing that he had sometimes been paid to have oral sex with another man; the other excised scene involved a military investigation into possible homosexual activity.
In addition to The Gay, the filthy language of the original novel is being pout back in. Get ready for some F-bombs.

James Jones’ daughter, Kaylie, explains: “My father fought bitterly to hold on to every four-letter word in the manuscript. The publisher was concerned about getting through the censors.”
And so The Gay and The Profane were cut from the novel and from the film, but now they’re back, baby. And maybe that famous beach scene, with Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr, could be filmed again with, say, Colin Farrell and Matt Damon?
Just asking.

What does an actress do after she costars in an Oscar-nominated film?

Well, if you’re Mila Kunis, fresh off her hot ‘Black Swan’ performance, you see what kind of offers come up, and then you take your pick.
One part, though, that Kunis won’t be taking, even though an offer was made and all other parties are, um, into it, is being one of Charlie Sheen’s goddesses.
Indeed!
At the Columbus, Ohio stop on his horrendously awful  ‘My Violent Torpedo Of Truth/Defeat Is Not An Option Tour,’ Sheen began a campaign to secure Kunis as goddess number three in the Sheen crackhouse, saying, “Here’s the good news: my goddesses have already f**king approved [Mila]. She’s pre-approved! I’m going to go on her Facebook page and discover her likes. I’m going to buy them all and then she can come steal them. A super f—ing hot thief named Mila Kunis. Mila, please, we have a warehouse full of your favorite s–t to steal,” 
And she must be thrilled.
And then, in incoherent Sheen-speak, he added: “I would have great tolerance for many missing items provided it involves Mila f**king Kunis. If Mila Kunis is stealing your s**t , trust me, you’re still f**king winning, you’re still winning at that moment.”
For her part, rumor has it that Mila Kunis was less than thrilled with that particular offer, and even a little disgusted by it. Pals close to the actress say Thanks but no thanks, to Charlie, adding, “Obviously Charlie wanted to name someone who would create publicity for his tour, but the thought of it grosses Mila out.”
It grosses me out, too.
And most of America.

More on Brit-Brit.

Less than a day after Spears debuted her new music video for ‘Till the World Ends’, she is fighting off rumors that she used a body double in the video.
Is that so far off the mark? I mean, she doesn’t actually “sing” so should we be surprised that she also doesn’t “dance”?
It is being suggested that choreographer and backup dancer Tiana Brown plays the role of Britney Spears’ body in the video–accusations that the Spears camp, Camp HooHaw, denies. Now, to be fair, Brown has danced on the road with Britney on the ‘Circus Starring Britney Spears Tour’, but the rote answer Brit offered when asked if she’s got a body double is, Oh hell to the no. It’s Britney, bitch!
But then she turned to her handlers and asked, Which one is Britney?

Wow. Sink much.
He was one-half of a gay-married couple on The Amazing Race.
Then he dated Lance Bass.
Then he “starred” on Logo’s The A-List.

And now, you ask–or maybe don’t ask, though I’ll tell you anyway–what is Reichen Lehmkuhl up to now?
Apparently, while waiting for season two of A-list to start, Reichen has gotten himself a side job spanking his monkey on a webcam, though the paycheck is about as big as the payoff. The pictures of his choking the chicken session made their way on to the Internet this week, and I, for one, was waiting for Reichen to deny that the pictures were of his Little Reichen being strangled.
Not so.
After confirming that the images were, in fact, him, Lehmkuhl released a statement:
“I don’t feel that this story represents anything different in me than what the majority of gay men have done at one point or another–as far as posting a private picture over internet lines for private viewing. In my, now, nine years of being in the public eye, I’ve seen many less-flattering photos attributed to me, so that’s a plus. Moving on…”
Moving on?
To what?
A little back-door video? Or, howsabout moving on to something else altogether, like, say, obscurity?

Oh, Paris! Were you jealous that Lindsay was getting all the jewel thief press and just couldn’t stand it for another minute?

It seems that old-coke-in-the-vah-jay-jay,Paris Hilton, is being sued by the insurance company of Damiani jewelry, ALLEGING that she hasn’t returned $60,000 worth of loaned jewels.
Wow. You beat Lindsanity there. She just, um, “borrowed” a $2500 necklace, but you’ve upped the ante.
It seems that the jewelry in question was part of the $2.8 million stash that was stolen from her house, while she was “borrowing”them, by the Hollywood Bling Ring back in 2009. The jewels were eventually recovered and returned to Hilton, who then never bothered to give them back to the jeweler.
What is it about the celebutards that they forget to put on underwear and return things they borrow?
And the insurance company, Allianz, even blames Paris for the robbery because she left her front door unlocked and ALLEGEDLY left the jewelry lying about like she does her cocaine.
A representative for Paris, who spends most days trying to explain the alphabet to the heiress, says: “We only just received the complaint but it is clear that it is not based on fact. Among other things, nobody from the Hilton team ever told the insurance company that the Damiani items that were stolen were returned. We are not aware of any of the Damiani items being recovered by the police, only costume jewelry was recovered.”
It’s the old I-ain’t-got-your-stinking-jewels routine!
But if it doesn’t play out like that, can you imagine the fun of prison if Lindsay and Paris are  jailed together? I mean, which one would be the other one’s bitch? And which one could carve a shiv out of soap?

Star Jones is everywhere on the small screen, filling it up from corner to corner and top to bottom, as she scurries about to promote her new book, ‘Satan’s Sisters’. But, um, she ALLEGEDLY won’t be making an appearance on ‘The View’.

And, as Star is apt to do, whenever she isn’t eating, which is rare, she’s yapping it up about ALLEGED  reports that Barbara Walters is personally blocking her from ever showing up at ‘The View’ again.
Between bites of a Brontosaurs Burger, she says, “You can’t push Barbara into doing anything! Are you out of your mind?”
And then she said, “Nom nom nom nom burp.”
Star has, however, appeared on the former co-host Joy Behar’s show, and while Star moaned and kvetched and ate a bowl of rigatoni, Joy made it very clear she had nothing to do with the guest bookings at her other job. She did, however, seem to be happy speaking to, and feeding, her former co-host.
Of course, a source for ABC–and by source, i mean the guy who defrosts Walters each day before she appears on-set–says, “Since the show began, Ms. Walters has made it her practice not to book the program.”
Riiiight.
Maybe the reason Bab doesn’t want Star back, aside from the increased food budget, is that Star’s, ahem, novel, ‘Satan’s Sisters’ is the tale of five women on a talk show where “alliances are forged, careers are made, and bridges are burned.”
The matriarch, AKA old lady newswoman, of a fictional show, called ‘The Lunch Club,’ is a character named Maxine Robinson, the first African-American to become a network news anchor. Maxine is conniving and borderline nasty.
Sounds a little Walters-esque, eh?
But I’d love to see Star and Barbara togetehr again. Especially in the heat of summer. The iciness between the two women would certainly cool off a hot August afternoon.

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Filed under Britney Spears, Charlie Sheen, Chely Wright, Danielle Staub, Heidi Montag, Jake Pavelka, James Jones, Lindsay Lohan, Mila Kunis, Paris Hilton Is A Moron, Reichen Lehmkuhl, Star Jones

>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But……..

>Charlie Sheen unlocked the door to his subbasement of crazy this week.
It seems that right after Charlie went nuts the last time, and then took his crazy to the airwaves and got fired from his job, he was fond of calling ex-wife, and mother to two of his children, Denise Richards, “fabulous” and “smoking hot.”

He also said that he loves her “to death.”
Now he’s changed that statement, saying he’d love her to die.
His mood went from love to hate because of the unconscionable thing Denise Richards did: she rebuffed his request to allow their daughters, Sam and Lola, to be a part of that drugged-out, manic, crazy-fueled Dateline special.
Now, Charlie has taken to his Twitter feed–shouldn’t his be called Nit-witter? Think about it–to call the once-‘fabulous’ Denise a “traitor and loser whore” and “dog thief.”
Dog thief? How dare he!
A source–and by source I mean the porn star who holds the crack pipe for Charlie when he’s too high to do it himself–says, “Denise didn’t steal the dogs, he gave them back to her…[and they]…were in horrendous shape. He doesn’t want the dogs, he wants to fight!”
And he did fight, Twatting: “We must bombard with Warlock Napalm, that traitor and loser whore #DUH-neese POOR-ards. a vile kidnapper and now dog thief. hate.”
What’s odd, and really, what isn’t odd about Charlie Sheen these days, is that the dogs were actually Denise’s dogs, but after she and Sheen divorced she let him keep them at his house so that when their daughters came to visit, “they would feel more at home.” She only took them back after his NYC-Hooker-In-A-Cupboard escapade, and one of the dogs has since died.
One of these people is a parent, the other is a crazed, drug-addicted menace. 

Hey, why shouldn’t she?
Diddy did it. So did Madonna and Prince. Cher was probably the first–unless you count Jesus. But Liza’s done it, and GaGa will no doubt soon be doing it, too.

So why shouldn’t Lindsay Lohan?
It seems that La Lohan is sick of having a tie to her wack-nut father, and now wants to surgically remove the Lohan from her name, and forever be known as Lindsay.
A source–and by source, I mean Dina Lohan,Lindsay’s enabler, and the spender of all the Lindsay money that still comes in from ventures like the Lohan Leggings and such–says, “Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay. Plus, me and [younger daughter] Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan.”
Oh, Dina, you self-obsessed hack; you’ll never change your name back to Sullivan. You’ll keep the Lohan, because how else will anyone know who you are?
Well, you could change your name to Dina Famewhore.
Dina Spongingoffherdrugaddictkids.
Dina Doesn’twork.
Dina Moron.
Moron works because it sounds like Lohan.
Meanwhile, Back at Lindsay Lohan.
A family friend–and by friend, I mean the guy that distracts the jewelry store clerk while Lindsay fills her bag with necklaces–says, “So many of the greatest [sidenote: sorry to interrupt, but is he calling Lindsay one of the greatest? Tee hee] people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list. And it’s a way for them all to start over. No one in the family want anything to do with Lindsay’s father [Michael Lohan] anymore and that includes sharing a last name.”
After all is said and done, I think we will be calling Lindsay Lohan by a single name:
Prisoner.

Don’t you hate it when you get engaged and plan a fabulous wedding and buy a beautiful white dress and get your hurr did and nails done and fresh makeup troweled on and someone comes to your nuptials and steals the show?
Then you must know how Reese Witherspoon feels.

It seems that this past weekend Reese tied the knot with Jim Toth. And she wanted her friends, and, of course, the Hollywood A-listers, to share in her joy. But dammit it all to hell, Reese was upstaged at her own wedding by the arrival of new supercouple, Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn.
A source–and by source, I mean the bridesmaid who broke the news to Reese–says, “Scarlett is Jim’s client, but no one, including the bride, knew she would have turned up with Sean Penn. Turning up at a wedding with your boyfriend is definitely a huge statement, especially that wedding. What it’s doing is announcing to the whole of Hollywood that they are serious.”
Now, rather than everyone talking about the blushing bride and her new second husband, all mouths are agape about Scarlett and Sean.
Always a bride, never the center of attention, eh Reese?

Table-flipping,face-punching, foul-mouthed, bankruptcy-filing, one-head–look at her, that’s no forehead, it’s a one-head–‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ star Teresa Giudice is dealing with yet another headache involving her husband.

It seems Joe Giudice, Teresa’s numbskulled, thicknecked husband, was arrested at the family’s New Jersey–soon to be auctioned off to pay bills–home last week, and charged with fraudulently obtaining a state driver’s license.
Joe could face more than ten years behind bars.
That sound you hear is Teresa flipping a table.
It seems that last year, thug-lite Joe ALLEGEDLY went to the motor vehicles department, presented his brother’s identification materials–ALLEGEDLY his own brother’s marriage license and birth certificate–and got a driver’s license for his own use.
Now, why would serial loser Joe need to do that, eh?
His own license had been suspended. And , the wonder daddy of four served eight days of a ten-day sentence last fall for driving with a suspended license. The license was first suspended in January 2010, when Joe crashed his car in the wee hours of the morning.
What a lovely man. Drunkard. DUI’er. Impersonator of his own brother.
And what about that lovely wife if his. Where was Teresa when Joe was arrested? Well, she had a scheduled appearance at a casino in the Pocono’s–I believe it was in one of those ‘Poke A Fame Obsessed Reality Star booths–so she had her family post bail for her husband.
In fact, on Twitter, or, like Charlie Sheen when it’s Teresa Giudice, it should be Nit-witter, she didn’t even acknowledge her husband’s arrest: “Hanging out with my honey at Mt Airy Casino. Just finished dinner now we are going to check out the scene.”
And see about getting a fake ID, eh Joe?

Nearly two years after he shoved his face into a piece of scenery during the Tony Awards, Bret Michaels has decided to sue the program.

In a lawsuit targeted at Tony Awards Productions, CBS and a boat load of others, for unspecified [i.e. scads] damages and costs. Michaels says he “suffered a near fatal subarachnoid hemorrhage.”
Odd, because at the time he said he just had to get stitches for a cut lip.
His lawsuit goes on to say that “[t]hrough his sheer will to live, see his children grow up, Michaels was able to survive this trauma. Although he put a brave face on for the public, the fact is that the injury left Michaels clinging for his life and in excruciating agony. It was only through months of hard work and dedication – that continue to this day – that Michaels has been able to resume some semblance of his life and career.”
Hmmm, after that horrendous smack in the face by a screen, didn’t he appear on The Hair’s reality show? And wasn’t he on every single talk show, rattling on about his brain injury and how he battled back from the brink of death without ever once mentioning that his traumatic head banging was a result of the Tony Awards faulty screen lowering?
Me thinks someone has huge medical bills to pay, and he wants Tony to cough up the dough.
Someone oughta smack him in the head.

Chris Brown.
He beats up his girlfriend and gets a little fine and some community service, along with a couple of anger management courses.
M’kay.

Then he goes and ALLEGEDLY ‘rihanna’s’ his dressing room at Good Morning America last week because Robin Roberts dared to ask him about the beating of his ex-girlfriend.
Now, probably the worst thing that could happen tot his poor man, is he is being snubbed by a couple of celebrity dancers on ‘Dancing With The Stars’.
Oh, the humanity!
It seems Brown got a chilly welcome from some of the celebrities when he performed in the ballroom this week, especially from Kirstie Alley, Wendy Williams and domestic abuse victim, Cheryl Burke, who said, “As a victim of domestic violence, I don’t agree with him coming on the show, but it’s out of my control.”
I agree, he isn’t, or maybe wasn’t, a good guy, but do we hold that grudge forever, or do we move on?
And Wendy Williams–whom I love for the fact that she doesn’t know when to keep quiet–has been quite vocal about her dislike for Chris ever since he attacked then-girlfriend Rihanna in 2009. After his ‘GMA’ blowup, she said on her talk show that she was “disgusted with this little boy.”
I imagine she was more than chilly when he showed up on DWTS.
Kirstie Alley, while she get her yap closed, except when she was eating, basically stayed clear away from Brown while he was in the building.
But even show host Tom Bergeron warned that there might be trouble if he had to interview Brown. “I did say to the producers that it might be to their advantage to not have me interview him, because my natural tendency would be to say something.”
i understand the disgust.
I understand the anger.
But how long does Chris Brown have to pay for this? Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t like the guy, and, had I been a part of the show–[sidenote: I giggle, picturing myself doing the cha cha]–I would have steered clear of him, too.
But I’d’a kept my mouth shut.

You can come to the party in an egg.
You can come to the party in a meat dress.
You can come to the party with a plastic lobster on your head.
But DO NOT get drunk and play the fool at a Lady Gaga birthday party.

We have Adam Lambert to thank for this lesson, and I’m sure there will be a PSA about it soon…..The more you know……shooting star!
It seems that close friends of Gagas–and I believe that means the good folks at Egglands Best and the Meat council–threw her a surprise 25th birthday party at La Cita Bar over the weekend, and Adam Lambert–not one of the official guests…party crasher–came as a guest of Scissor Sisters.
And came drunk. ALLEGDLY.
Perez Hilton who was also at the party–because he’s had his enormous pink-haired head up Gaga’s ass since day one–says Adam Lambert began some intense fist-pumping and kept beating on the walls until he actually punched a hole in the bar’s low ceiling.
A source–and by source I mean the minion who carried Gaga around in an enormous Gucci bag–says, “Adam acted like an animal. He kept jumping up on the tables and chairs and screaming. When they brought the cake out he tried to smear it in Gaga’s face and put a doll from the cake in her mouth!”
Then he tried to sing to Gaga.
How.Rude.
Singing. To the birthday girl. At her birthday party. How.Rude.
But, ALLEGEDLY, that was the final straw in Gaga’s scarecrow headpiece, and she ordered her security team–AKA The Keebler Elves–to throw Lambert out.
And, as we are all apt to do these days–except me, because I don’t Tweet–Lambert later tweeted: “Was trying for celebratory gesture 4 gaga’s B- piñata style…instead my fist is all bruised and la cita has a hole in the ceiling. #sloppy”.
Indeed.
But I hear his mascara never ran.
Now that’s a star!

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Filed under Adam Lambert, Bret Michaels, Charlie Sheen, Chris Brown, Denise Richards, Gossip, Joe Guidice, Lady GaGa, Lindsay Lohan, Reese Witherspoon, Teresa Giudice, The Tony Awards

>I Ain’t One To Gossip, But…….

>Color me stunned, not purple.
See what I did there?

Anyhoooo, people were all speculatin’ that James Franco was high when he hosted the Oscars this year; well, maybe not people, but I was. And now comes word that Whoopi Goldberg has admitted, on a video clip, that she was stoned when she accepted her Oscar in 1991 for her role in ‘Ghost.’
Whoopi says, on that tape: “Smoking cigarettes and pot every now and then are my habits. And I thought, ‘I’ve got to relax.’ So I smoked this wonderful joint that was the last of my home grown.”
And then Miss Goldberg goes on to say that she was so surprised by her win that she was worried about getting onstage: “When [Denzel Washington] said my name and I popped up, I thought, ‘Oh f—… okay, up the stairs… around to the podium… there’s millions of people, pick up the statue, get the statue.”
And apparently she pulled it off because I don’t remember anyone talking about that back in the day. Except for Whoopi’s mother, who could tell her daughter was high by her “glistening eyes” and called to scold her.
Whoopi ends her nearly two-decade old video confession with her own PSA: “I know you’re not supposed to admit that you smoke pot, but I don’t drink alcohol. Just because I do it doesn’t mean you should.”
Whoopi Goldberg high.
Who knew?

Poor Hef.

It seems that 900-year-old Hugh Hefner’s 24-year-old fiancee, Crystal Harris, is not exactly ready to settle down with her centuries old fiance. She is ALLEGEDLY cheating on her grandpa with Dr. Phil’s son.
Hmmm, which is worse, marrying a man thirty-seven times your age, or having Dr. Phil as a father-in-law?
Witnesses–and by witnesses, I mean pool boys at the Playboy Mansion who scrub the Grotto free from herpes and hepatitis–say that Crystal and Jordan McGraw were cozying “up at the Chateau Marmont in LA” and that while Crystal was hoping to keep their romance low-key–lest Hef send out the Hit Bunnies–Jordan doesn’t care; he’ll fight a nine-hundred-year-old man.
Jordan seems to be following in his older brother’s footsteps; his brother, Jay, is married to Playboy model Erica Dahm. And his father loves to spank Little Phil while ogling pictures of his daughter-in-law.
Crystal and Jordan met when Jordan became the producer of her album at the Organica record label. Jordan, however, was subsequently let go “for dating female clients under the label.”
Daddy would be so proud.
Not Daddy Hef, Daddy Phil.

Well, after a tense week, where talk was that Charlie “Winning” Sheen might be returning to 2-1/2 Men, rumors are flying that Jeremy Piven will be taking over.

A source close to the situation, and I think it’s Jon Cryer–says: “Jeremy is a great actor and a hot commodity, his name has come up a couple of times in talks about who, if anybody, could step into Charlie’s shoes.”
But, if CBS wants to hire Piven as the new Sheen, they might, um, want to talk to Piven. According to his people–and by people, i mean the ones who keep him from eating sushi [Google it]–“No one connected in any way with Jeremy knows anything about this and that would include Jeremy.”
I wouldn’t be surprised if Sheen does get his job back, unless, during his current stage show, “My Mental Breakdown,” or, um, “Charlie Sheen Live: My Violent Torpedo Of Truth” he continues to bash his show, his network, and the producers.
Money talks, even when it’s talking about an insane drug addict.
Sidenote: I’m still waiting to hear from CBS about hiring me for the show, and then calling it, ‘One Man, A Half Man, and A Homo’.
I smell Emmy!

Dina Lohan, Mom Of The Year, says that her daughter, pill-popping, chain-smoking, vodka-swilling, car-stealing, rehab-going, jail-living, Lindsay, never had any intention of agreeing to a plea deal and accepting guilt for allegedly stealing a $2,500 necklace from a Venice Beach jeweler.

Lindsay’s attorney, Shawn Holley, kept on speed dial on every single Lohan phone, you know, just in case, has formally notified the LA District Attorney, and Judge Keith Schwartz, that Lindsay stomped her feet and said, “No deal! Now, let’s go clubbing!”
Dina said her daughter never even entertained the idea of copping a plea. Which is true, because the only thing Lindsay ever entertained was a martini in a sippy cup. Dina says: “She was never going to plead guilty to a crime she didn’t commit. All along Lindsay has never wavered regarding her innocence.”
Lindsay never wavered, because she doesn’t know what that means, All she knows, is that Mama Dina needs a new pair of shoes, and how’s she gonna get them if her meal ticket is in jail?
How else can you explain the fact that Dina Lohan, with a straight face, thanks to Botox and Ketel One, actually said: “I saw the entire security tape, and it showed the necklace clearly being loaned to Lindsay. The jewelry store’s only motivation was for publicity and profit.”
Um, wow, Dina? Please to explain, how, if the necklace was clearly being loaned to Lindsay, she didn’t bother to return it until the police got involved?
I don’t know which is worse, the junkie jewel thief daughter, or the fame-whoring, living off my child mother.

Oh, this just screams trainwreck!

Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina, just might be getting her own reality show.
I know!
Train…followed quickly by….wreck.
With rumors of drug addiction–Crack is wack–and a sex tape–How else am I gonna get famous–flying, the teenager might be laying her life bare on the small screen; Bobbi K even Tweeted the news.
“PS EVERYONE ! Guess what ?! _ we are currently in the process of meetings about starting my very OWN! RealityShow!!”
Again.Train.Wreck.
I mean, she did see Bobby and Whitney’s reality show, didn’t she? She saw how they came off as a couple of drug addicted hoarders, right/ She saw the fights, the arrests, the craziness fueled by all sorts of drugs, didn’t she?
And she wants to do that, too.
Like Mama and Daddy, crazy don’t fall far from the tree.
Bobbi K then sent another Tweet: “The world needs 2know me 4who I REALLY am_ U all will get 2see my everyday living_ walk with me thro startin my career. . EVERYTHING.”
Walk me thro startin’ my career.
I have an idea, maybe in one episode, Bobbi K takes a spelling class.

‘Dancing With The Stars’
Honey, no.

But, you know, with Kirstie Alley and her own special brand of wackadoo, it might be fun, if only for the feuds it starts.
It seems that Kirstie has struck back at late night host George Lopez on Twitter, after GLo likened Alley to a pig in a bit on his show.
Someone called WestCoastGal88 tweeted to Alley, “If you read my stream — I just called George Lopez a PIG :)”
Alley quickly responded: “lol…a drunk pig…hehe.”
This all started when Lopez made Alley the butt of a weight joke on Tuesday’s Lopez Tonight: “She did a nice job. Her little hooves tapping away.” He then did a riff on the nursery rhyme, This Little Piggy Goes to Market, saying, “Before the show she went to the market. And then she had roast beef. And this is her going all the way home,” before playing a clip of a pig squealing “wheeeee” while riding in a car.
Not nice, GLo. not nice.
But, um, Kirstie, why you gettin’ so pissy?
I mean, you did make an entire series about your weight when you did your “reality” show, ‘Fat Actress’, didn’t you? If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen, and shut the refrigerator!

Jessica Biel doesn’t let the grass grow under her vah-jay-jay, now, does she?
Roughly six minutes after being devastated that Justin…gay…Timberlake dumped her, Biel was spotted making out with man-whore Gerard Butler.

Wow. talk about an STD cesspool.
I know!
Apparently Biel and Butler are shooting a movie together in New Orleans and have become quite the Uglies Bumpers off-set. They were first spotted at a crew member’s birthday party, then, a couple of nights later, they went to get some Mexican food alone, starting drinking heavily, and left together.
Enchiladas + Pitchers of Margaritas = Roll in the hay.
They also had ‘dinner’–insert your own euphemism here: ____–twice more later that week. Of course, both are denying their NoLa hook-up, and their reps are working overtime coming up with a different version of the “just friends” excuse.
A source–and by source, I mean the make-up gal who stands guard while Biel and Butler do the thrust and Moan–says: “They have never had dinner alone. They are always in a crew of people on the film.”
So, it’s group sex, then, eh?

In addition to being stupid–I mean, she carries cocaine in her cooch–and being a fame-whore–she once spent twenty minutes standing in front of an ATM machine because she spotted a camera–Paris Hilton is also ALLEGEDLY a racist.

It seems that the Hilton girls, Paris and the smarter one–which really isn’t saying much, were at a club together–because, what else do they do–getting their jiggy on, when suddenly Paris looked into the camcorder her friend was carrying–because Paris documents every moment of her life so she can tell her gyno who she schtupped–and said: “We’re like two n*****s.”
Oh, but she did–Google it.
I found this shocking, until I learned that LA Weekly has an excerpt from a new book written by Hollywood reporter Neil Straus, who interviewed Paris Skankton when she was 18, and he says this went down:
HILTON: I went out with that guy last night.
STRAUSS: Which guy?
HILTON: (points to an actor in Saving Private Ryan): We were making out, but then we went somewhere where it was bright and I saw that he was black and made an excuse and left. I can’t stand black guys. I would never touch one. It’s gross. (pauses). Does that guy look black to you?
STRAUSS: How black does a guy have to be?
HILTON: One percent is enough for me.
Wow, Paris Hilton.
Cooch full of coke, brain full of mush, and a mouth full of s**t.
Right?

You gotta love it when your boyfriend has your back.

Sarah Lane, an American Ballet Theater soloist, was Natalie Portman’s double in ‘Black Swan’. And she gave an interview to Dance Magazine in which she said ‘Swan’ producers, Fox Searchlight, asked her to stop talking to the media. She says the Fox people wanted everybody to think Portman did most of her own dancing.
That must have pissed Sarah off, especially when you add that Natalie never thanked her when she accepted her Oscar, so Sarah Lane is talking again.
But she isn’t getting far, because Natalie’s dance-trainer-choreographer-fiance-and-baby-daddy, Benjamin Millepied, is pirouetting to her defense:
“It was so believable, it was fantastic, that beautiful movement quality. There are articles now talking about her dance double [American Ballet Theatre dancer Sarah Lane] that are making it sound like [Lane] did a lot of the work, but really, she just did the footwork, and the fouettés, and one diagonal [phrase] in the studio. Honestly, 85% of that movie is Natalie.”
Take that, Sarah! And, back to the chorus!

Poor Star Jones.
No one likes her.
Seriously, show of hands: who likes Star?
:::crickets::::

We all know that on the current season of Donald Trump’s ‘Ego Apprentice’ Star, and ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ dive NeNe Leakes haven’t been getting along. NeNe even went so far as to say that if Star was on fire, she wouldn’t a spit ball her way.
Ouch.
And to pour salt into that wound, NeNe is now hanging around with one of Star’s former flamers, er, flames, and ex-homo-husband, Big Gay Al.
I know! Dee-lish!
A source–and by source I mean NeNe, because who loves to gossip about NeNe more than NeNe–had this to say: “Star thinks it’s pathetic that these two has-beens have teamed up together. NeNe knows how much pain and hurt, that man caused Star. For NeNe to suddenly befriend him tells you exactly what sort of woman she really is. Al will do anything to get back into the press, including hanging out with reality stars. But to be getting close and personal with a woman who has publicly stated she wouldn’t spit on your ex-wife if she was on fire is just desperate.”
Poor Star. She marries an ALLEGED homo, tells the world that he is ALLEGEDLY straight, and then dumps him, and now gets all aflame because her ex and her enemy are friends.
I mean, NeNe and Al might be good for each other. Every diva needs a homo to help with make-up tips, and if anyone needs makeup tips, it’s NeNe.
Al? Show her how you do the smokey eye!

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Filed under Benjamin Millepied, Charlie Sheen, Gerard Butler, Gossip, Hugh Hefner, Jessica Biel, Kirstie Alley, Lindsay Lohan, NeNe Leakes, Paris Hilton Is A Moron, Whoopi Goldberg